Bringin' It All Together...
This post is just copy and pastes from a different blog I tried to start on the Google Blog. It took me a while to realize, I just like the LJ system better. Or maybe I'm just so used to it and I don't like change. Ah, well. Here we go.
Ignorance is Dirty (Friday, December 11, 2009)
I have today and tomorrow off--Finally! me thinks. I can clean! ...But, the temperature is uncooperative. Dear God, why? Why would I ever escape the warm clutches of two comforters on a cozy bed to clean?? Aw, heck no. *cuddle cuddle cuddle* as I sink deeper into inescapable fluff.
Of course, then, I scan our room. All those little piles I've been ignoring have transformed into unneglectable monsters of filth. One paperclip begot twelve. A pile of papers bore several folders of unfiled, unnecessary documentation. One scarf became a knitted, knotted beast of many. Ah, me. How did this happen?
I blame space--or lack thereof. If everything had a home and proper place, I wouldn't feel the need to stash some randoms in the corner, or on top of that other thing, or next to that item I'll put away.....tomorrow.... I need cupboards! and bookcases! and cubbies! and shelves! I need IKEA TO THE RESCUE!
verboseverboseverboseverboseverbose.
And I Offer No Sympathy for That (Thursday, December 11, 2009)
Today, I awoke anxious. How stressful. You're supposed to wake up refreshed, calm, rejuvenated and ready to take on the world. I'm quite sure it shouldn't be to quickened breath, sweat and the overwhelming weight of impending doom.
Alright, deep breath. What's this all about.
First-- I suppose nursing school is on my mind. 12 days to a fresh new start. An opportunity to not suck. A gate to my future, to happiness, to everything I ever wanted, etc. But look at all the things against me: commute, currently no car, no money, general lack of proper work ethic if my past educational experience says anything. And the age old question rings through my mind yet again-- "Dude, am I gonna screw up again?" Reassuring thoughts tell me things are different. I'M different. And this time, I'll see it through. Reassuring thoughts are dashed against the rocks by waves of incompetence, instability and doubt.
Second-- And, ironically, at the forefront of my mind and providing the most stress-- what to do for New Years?? We were originally going to go to Disneyland like we did last year, but the overwhelming cost and the commitment to hours at a crowded park seemed too daunting. So, stay home by ourselves (because a party here in LA doesn't sound appealing) or go to Riverside with my brother's family. With my family. I lean towards staying home because I'm over-excited to begin our own traditions, to celebrate how we think appropriate. But then I think I'll let everyone down. Again. I dunno, man. I have a turkey to cook. WHO CARES ABOUT NEW YEARS ANYWAY.
This year I've started around everyone. I craved getting attention and displaying wittiness and creativity and social situations in which that would be appropriate. Now, I feel unable to follow through with any social obligation. I've pulled away to the extent that I'd rather sit at home and eat a cup of noodles Cup O' Noodles and watch reruns of Alias and Friends. And happily so!
I've problems with social obligation. That's a fancy way of saying I'm flaky. But I'm not necessarily upset at myself about it. I care about other people--but what do you care if I'm there or not? I might just be horrible company anyway when I'd rather be eating dehydrated/rehydrated powdered beef flavored noodles. And if you invite me somewhere, and I say no, and you get disappointed, I look at you like you're crazy. What were you expecting me to say! Obviously yes, since now you're disappointed at my lack of presence at the event I had no idea was eventing until about 4 minutes ago. The horrible thing is the guilt following my "No, no, thanks. Think I'll just catch up on some reading". Because I have this feeling, that I can only describe as guilt, that keeps me staring at the wall. Well, they would've WANTED me there. And I might MISS something. Something MONUMENTAL will occur and I will not be there because I wanted to eat my 31 cent snack.
In short, damn you Cup O' Noodles.
Cerritos College: RN Program Week 1 (Sunday, January 17, 2010)
I've decided to document my experience on a week-to-week basis via this blog. ....Knowing me and my inability to finish projects, this might be short-lived. However, hopefully I'll remind myself that this 2-year experience is one I'll probably want to remember, as it's something I've worked toward for years.
My first day was kind of ridiculous. Started at 12:30p and ended at 3:30p, so it was extremely short. Just an orientation to get introduce us to the program and thoroughly scare the crap out of all us newbies. When I arrived at the lab, I was in street clothes (we didn't need our scrubs until the 2nd day). I walked down a long, clandestine walkway. I passed rooms filled with pharmacy-like equipment, hospital beds, physical therapy equipment, etc. I arrived at the room I was supposed to be at about half an hour early. I leaned against the wall, nervously fingering the binder in my arms.
Suddenly, the doors from outside opened to my left and in strolled a group 1st year, second semester students in full clinical uniform (white scrubs and shoes, blue name pins, stethoscopes round their necks...). They were smiling and laughing with each other, towing big roller backpacks of textbooks and equipment behind them. They looked slightly frazzled, but nonetheless breezy and happy. They looked important. They looked like they knew what they were doing. They looked accomplished.
I couldn't wait.
Except nursing school's really been nothing like I imagined. I'm desperately trying to get used to a number of changes.....
1) LA Traffic. Takes me approximately 45 minutes to make the 32 mile trip to school and about an hour, give or take to make the trip back. It's taken me up to 2 hours to get home, sometimes, though. Depending on what time I leave and what day it is.
2) Getting up so freaking early/New morning routine. I get up at 7:10ish to leave by 7:30 to get to school by 8:30 so I can find parking before class starts (usually) at 9. Can't afford to buy my lunch everyday and there's not much around the skills lab anyway, so I make my breakfast and lunch every morning. If I can manage it, a cup of coffee as well.
3) An INTENSE amount of work and reading. I've been told by my peer mentor that there are certain things that I'm just gonna have to shut up and deal with. Firstly, the outcomes that we have to do during the week (answer questions about a chapter or two from our big textbook) are going to be incredibly time-consuming and you're not going to learn anything. So true. I've read about 300+ pages in the first 3 days of real class alone. The outcomes take me an average of 4-5 hours a night and we have usually 2 due during the week. Then, there's preparing for clinicals, practicing skills, preparing for lecture and such. I have to take what I wrote for the outcomes, go back and re-read the chapters and try to actually comprehend and commit to memory all the information we need to know. And the only time I can do this is on the weekends.
I knew nursing school was going to be hard, but not this much work. Craziness.
I'm worried about clinicals starting up in about month and a half. I've heard rumors that the facility I'll be working at is 45 minutes AWAY from Cerritos, so I'll have to leave even earlier than I am now.
Speaking of clinicals, I've learned some skills.
The first thing we learned was hand-washing and putting on sterile and non-sterile gloves and other PPE (Personal protective equipment) and the situations in which we would don certain equipment and not others. We then talked about fall-risk assessment (which patients are likely to fall in a hospital setting, why, and how to avoid it). We finished the day off with vital signs. TPR (temperature, pulse, respiration rate) and apical pulse and blood pressure (normal and orthostatic). We practiced on each other. Some people have crazy friggin' vital signs.
I went out to get a celebratory drink with Shannon on Wednesday and I went around the bar taking peoples' pulses. They seemed mildly amused to let me fulfill my random, geeky curiosity and need to practice.
On Wednesday, we did patient positioning and patient bed to wheelchair and back transfers. We did bed baths which was mildly awkward as we had to practice on each other. It's cool. My partner and I decided to not get nekkid. We ended in the afternoon with Range of Motion Exercises, passive and active, and walking with unstable patients. ....I may or may not have dropped my partner on her ass. ....Twice.
My schedule's hectic but varied so it keeps me interested.
Mondays and Thursday are lecture days and mostly in the classroom. We have testing Monday morning (this coming Monday is a holiday so nothing too scary to worry about this weekend besides catching up on the reading). Then we have 210 lecture (the nursing fundamentals lecture that goes with clinicals). Thursday mornings we have 211 which is Nursing Theoretical Framework that focuses on the Roy Adaptation Model and what it means to be a nurse. Quite easily the most boring part of my week. The instructor is cool, but the information is just way blah. It's also the last class day of the week (as we're off Fridays) and I was simply thinking about how long the week had really been.
Tuesdays and Wednesdays are clinical days. In the somewhat not-too-distant future, they will be off-site clinical days. Usually groups rotate through 2 skill sets in the morning, and another 1 or 2 sets in the afternoon. We work with all of our instructors. It's intimidating and scary practicing skills I'll be using for the rest of my life.
Regardless, I'm loving school. I don't know how long it'll last, but despite the early hour, the traffic and the commute, I look forward to waking up and going to school. It's exciting and freeing to know that in a just a short couple of years, I will have finished what I need to do to start my career. Suh. Weet. Real income, stable hours, self-assuredness and sustainability, here I come.
All in all, can't wait to just keep chugging along. I'm fairly exhausted and overwhelmed after the first week, but I've no doubt I'll eventually get into the swing of everything.
Thanks for paying attention if you did ;)
The Dizzy Merry-Go-Round (Sunday, March 7, 2010)
Gracious...can I really not follow through with anything anymore? Depressing. I'm nearing the end of my 9th week of nursing school and I've yet to post a single blog about it since the first week, let alone post a weekly blog. Fail.
I've been too busy and too stressed to really be able to sit down and analyze it all. Or re-tell it. At least in the way I'd like to.... And I'm not about to do it now. This post isn't so much an excuse, but a distraction. A senseless babbling to release some of the tension building in my head.
I've tried to soak up all the free time I have to myself. Doing the things that make me happy. Not doing the things that may be particularly best for me....but things to keep me comfortable in my own skin. I still can't tell if it's these actions that are preserving my sanity or driving me to an earth-shattering breakdown.
9 weeks is a long time. Time enough for everything to change and then come back right to where it started. And back up and back down again. Is it too cliche to reference a roller coaster? Maybe less like a roller coaster--loops have never been my specialty. More like...Drop Zone. Remember Drop Zone? That floating penny doesn't seem to fly up off my palm anymore. And the trips down are slightly less exhilarating. Slightly more nauseating. ...I'm getting too old for this.
My feelings can't keep up with your shadow. But I'll follow you and yours into the dark. Of course, of course I will.
Desperately need a distraction.
Ignorance is Dirty (Friday, December 11, 2009)
I have today and tomorrow off--Finally! me thinks. I can clean! ...But, the temperature is uncooperative. Dear God, why? Why would I ever escape the warm clutches of two comforters on a cozy bed to clean?? Aw, heck no. *cuddle cuddle cuddle* as I sink deeper into inescapable fluff.
Of course, then, I scan our room. All those little piles I've been ignoring have transformed into unneglectable monsters of filth. One paperclip begot twelve. A pile of papers bore several folders of unfiled, unnecessary documentation. One scarf became a knitted, knotted beast of many. Ah, me. How did this happen?
I blame space--or lack thereof. If everything had a home and proper place, I wouldn't feel the need to stash some randoms in the corner, or on top of that other thing, or next to that item I'll put away.....tomorrow.... I need cupboards! and bookcases! and cubbies! and shelves! I need IKEA TO THE RESCUE!
verboseverboseverboseverboseverbose.
And I Offer No Sympathy for That (Thursday, December 11, 2009)
Today, I awoke anxious. How stressful. You're supposed to wake up refreshed, calm, rejuvenated and ready to take on the world. I'm quite sure it shouldn't be to quickened breath, sweat and the overwhelming weight of impending doom.
Alright, deep breath. What's this all about.
First-- I suppose nursing school is on my mind. 12 days to a fresh new start. An opportunity to not suck. A gate to my future, to happiness, to everything I ever wanted, etc. But look at all the things against me: commute, currently no car, no money, general lack of proper work ethic if my past educational experience says anything. And the age old question rings through my mind yet again-- "Dude, am I gonna screw up again?" Reassuring thoughts tell me things are different. I'M different. And this time, I'll see it through. Reassuring thoughts are dashed against the rocks by waves of incompetence, instability and doubt.
Second-- And, ironically, at the forefront of my mind and providing the most stress-- what to do for New Years?? We were originally going to go to Disneyland like we did last year, but the overwhelming cost and the commitment to hours at a crowded park seemed too daunting. So, stay home by ourselves (because a party here in LA doesn't sound appealing) or go to Riverside with my brother's family. With my family. I lean towards staying home because I'm over-excited to begin our own traditions, to celebrate how we think appropriate. But then I think I'll let everyone down. Again. I dunno, man. I have a turkey to cook. WHO CARES ABOUT NEW YEARS ANYWAY.
This year I've started around everyone. I craved getting attention and displaying wittiness and creativity and social situations in which that would be appropriate. Now, I feel unable to follow through with any social obligation. I've pulled away to the extent that I'd rather sit at home and eat a cup of noodles Cup O' Noodles and watch reruns of Alias and Friends. And happily so!
I've problems with social obligation. That's a fancy way of saying I'm flaky. But I'm not necessarily upset at myself about it. I care about other people--but what do you care if I'm there or not? I might just be horrible company anyway when I'd rather be eating dehydrated/rehydrated powdered beef flavored noodles. And if you invite me somewhere, and I say no, and you get disappointed, I look at you like you're crazy. What were you expecting me to say! Obviously yes, since now you're disappointed at my lack of presence at the event I had no idea was eventing until about 4 minutes ago. The horrible thing is the guilt following my "No, no, thanks. Think I'll just catch up on some reading". Because I have this feeling, that I can only describe as guilt, that keeps me staring at the wall. Well, they would've WANTED me there. And I might MISS something. Something MONUMENTAL will occur and I will not be there because I wanted to eat my 31 cent snack.
In short, damn you Cup O' Noodles.
Cerritos College: RN Program Week 1 (Sunday, January 17, 2010)
I've decided to document my experience on a week-to-week basis via this blog. ....Knowing me and my inability to finish projects, this might be short-lived. However, hopefully I'll remind myself that this 2-year experience is one I'll probably want to remember, as it's something I've worked toward for years.
My first day was kind of ridiculous. Started at 12:30p and ended at 3:30p, so it was extremely short. Just an orientation to get introduce us to the program and thoroughly scare the crap out of all us newbies. When I arrived at the lab, I was in street clothes (we didn't need our scrubs until the 2nd day). I walked down a long, clandestine walkway. I passed rooms filled with pharmacy-like equipment, hospital beds, physical therapy equipment, etc. I arrived at the room I was supposed to be at about half an hour early. I leaned against the wall, nervously fingering the binder in my arms.
Suddenly, the doors from outside opened to my left and in strolled a group 1st year, second semester students in full clinical uniform (white scrubs and shoes, blue name pins, stethoscopes round their necks...). They were smiling and laughing with each other, towing big roller backpacks of textbooks and equipment behind them. They looked slightly frazzled, but nonetheless breezy and happy. They looked important. They looked like they knew what they were doing. They looked accomplished.
I couldn't wait.
Except nursing school's really been nothing like I imagined. I'm desperately trying to get used to a number of changes.....
1) LA Traffic. Takes me approximately 45 minutes to make the 32 mile trip to school and about an hour, give or take to make the trip back. It's taken me up to 2 hours to get home, sometimes, though. Depending on what time I leave and what day it is.
2) Getting up so freaking early/New morning routine. I get up at 7:10ish to leave by 7:30 to get to school by 8:30 so I can find parking before class starts (usually) at 9. Can't afford to buy my lunch everyday and there's not much around the skills lab anyway, so I make my breakfast and lunch every morning. If I can manage it, a cup of coffee as well.
3) An INTENSE amount of work and reading. I've been told by my peer mentor that there are certain things that I'm just gonna have to shut up and deal with. Firstly, the outcomes that we have to do during the week (answer questions about a chapter or two from our big textbook) are going to be incredibly time-consuming and you're not going to learn anything. So true. I've read about 300+ pages in the first 3 days of real class alone. The outcomes take me an average of 4-5 hours a night and we have usually 2 due during the week. Then, there's preparing for clinicals, practicing skills, preparing for lecture and such. I have to take what I wrote for the outcomes, go back and re-read the chapters and try to actually comprehend and commit to memory all the information we need to know. And the only time I can do this is on the weekends.
I knew nursing school was going to be hard, but not this much work. Craziness.
I'm worried about clinicals starting up in about month and a half. I've heard rumors that the facility I'll be working at is 45 minutes AWAY from Cerritos, so I'll have to leave even earlier than I am now.
Speaking of clinicals, I've learned some skills.
The first thing we learned was hand-washing and putting on sterile and non-sterile gloves and other PPE (Personal protective equipment) and the situations in which we would don certain equipment and not others. We then talked about fall-risk assessment (which patients are likely to fall in a hospital setting, why, and how to avoid it). We finished the day off with vital signs. TPR (temperature, pulse, respiration rate) and apical pulse and blood pressure (normal and orthostatic). We practiced on each other. Some people have crazy friggin' vital signs.
I went out to get a celebratory drink with Shannon on Wednesday and I went around the bar taking peoples' pulses. They seemed mildly amused to let me fulfill my random, geeky curiosity and need to practice.
On Wednesday, we did patient positioning and patient bed to wheelchair and back transfers. We did bed baths which was mildly awkward as we had to practice on each other. It's cool. My partner and I decided to not get nekkid. We ended in the afternoon with Range of Motion Exercises, passive and active, and walking with unstable patients. ....I may or may not have dropped my partner on her ass. ....Twice.
My schedule's hectic but varied so it keeps me interested.
Mondays and Thursday are lecture days and mostly in the classroom. We have testing Monday morning (this coming Monday is a holiday so nothing too scary to worry about this weekend besides catching up on the reading). Then we have 210 lecture (the nursing fundamentals lecture that goes with clinicals). Thursday mornings we have 211 which is Nursing Theoretical Framework that focuses on the Roy Adaptation Model and what it means to be a nurse. Quite easily the most boring part of my week. The instructor is cool, but the information is just way blah. It's also the last class day of the week (as we're off Fridays) and I was simply thinking about how long the week had really been.
Tuesdays and Wednesdays are clinical days. In the somewhat not-too-distant future, they will be off-site clinical days. Usually groups rotate through 2 skill sets in the morning, and another 1 or 2 sets in the afternoon. We work with all of our instructors. It's intimidating and scary practicing skills I'll be using for the rest of my life.
Regardless, I'm loving school. I don't know how long it'll last, but despite the early hour, the traffic and the commute, I look forward to waking up and going to school. It's exciting and freeing to know that in a just a short couple of years, I will have finished what I need to do to start my career. Suh. Weet. Real income, stable hours, self-assuredness and sustainability, here I come.
All in all, can't wait to just keep chugging along. I'm fairly exhausted and overwhelmed after the first week, but I've no doubt I'll eventually get into the swing of everything.
Thanks for paying attention if you did ;)
The Dizzy Merry-Go-Round (Sunday, March 7, 2010)
Gracious...can I really not follow through with anything anymore? Depressing. I'm nearing the end of my 9th week of nursing school and I've yet to post a single blog about it since the first week, let alone post a weekly blog. Fail.
I've been too busy and too stressed to really be able to sit down and analyze it all. Or re-tell it. At least in the way I'd like to.... And I'm not about to do it now. This post isn't so much an excuse, but a distraction. A senseless babbling to release some of the tension building in my head.
I've tried to soak up all the free time I have to myself. Doing the things that make me happy. Not doing the things that may be particularly best for me....but things to keep me comfortable in my own skin. I still can't tell if it's these actions that are preserving my sanity or driving me to an earth-shattering breakdown.
9 weeks is a long time. Time enough for everything to change and then come back right to where it started. And back up and back down again. Is it too cliche to reference a roller coaster? Maybe less like a roller coaster--loops have never been my specialty. More like...Drop Zone. Remember Drop Zone? That floating penny doesn't seem to fly up off my palm anymore. And the trips down are slightly less exhilarating. Slightly more nauseating. ...I'm getting too old for this.
My feelings can't keep up with your shadow. But I'll follow you and yours into the dark. Of course, of course I will.
Desperately need a distraction.