My day... *spins disc*
It wasn't that good. I call my mom, get bitched at majorly by her just to get to jacky's to help with cooking, which turns out, I wasn't even going to do, just her and david. I got really ticked, I don't like being bitched at for something I didn't, wasn't or had done. And that was the scenario, I got mad, grabbed my manfiesto and essentials, started reading. I was finally let to be able to help, which made me feel worse as if i was a charity case, or just gotten sympathy, in which I felt like a dog getting table scraps to manage to survive, sort've ticked me a tad more, but I took it and continued. Later Jacky kept giving me a depressed look because I wouldn't let her win and just to end it all i said you win. Jacky 1000 - Tyler 2. For most of the day I just felt in between and nothing more, so I just played the card I usually am. I'm very good at deception and acting. Its why I am heading for the marketing proffession. Towards the end though, it was alright, but I was still iffed most of the day. Major good point in my day - Passing Drivers Test. Another major good point - Having Ui read the Manifesto. At least someone other than Tawny was interested in the Cyberpunk thing. It sort've sucks when you realize no one actually likes what you like.
There are similarities and common likes. Thats only what my friends have. Its not a "hey thats my favorite band too! " or "Hey thats the film i love most also! "
Its more've a "yea that's great. " or "they're cool. " Never an understanding of it. I like Cowboy Bebop, I like games, I like the net world, I like being wierd, and I like doing crazy things, to be apart of something.
I want to be apart of things, I want to know things, I want to hear things, I want to see things, I want to be answered and accepted not emptied and denied. I want to know everything to hear everything to get a chance at everything. All I've been finding out lately is my best friend is myself and the only person I can share things with is myself. I felt the urge to talk one on one with my brother. My Brother. He's the only person remotely like me, I find out from his friends. That sort've sucks when a guy you really hate is the only one you probably have a chance of talking to, being friends with, or even being able to experince things with. I can't talk about Felix Da Housecat with friends, not the Chemical Brothers, probably not even the Art of Noise, maybe Daft Punk. Somewhat anime, not games. I can't talk about my theories, my ideas. I liked it when I could talk about serious things without people backing down or saying lets not continue this. I liked to debate, to talk politics, to argue. I liked people listening to my theories and ideas, and instead of giving a response like "Its stupid, you just don't get it. " More've an explanation and a counter, then I recounter and we laugh. I never get anything like that anymore. Everything is the same damn thing and thats what I've been trying to avoid my whole life. I cannot dicuss the greatness of forums, poetry amongst friends, I cannot tell my stories or read them. Back when I could tell stories to people and they'd just listen. Now its like, who gives a fuck. Highschool the best years of my life? Maybe eventually. I cannot mention how a shade of blue brings out love in me, or how a simple gray can bring me to tears. I feel trapped I feel imprisoned. I feel alone like I'm outcasted. I've always felt like an outcast, thats why I was a group jumper. I could never belong no matter what I felt. I may act like I do and such, but I never feel it in my heart. My heart just keeps saying "Wasting time. " My eyes are swelling as I write and write, as if this is my plea to the world just a list of a single want. A list stretched across the world with a soul word! I can't take it anymore. I could never take it. I can only last for so long. I feel sick and hurt, weak and dying. I've always felt this way and I can't rid of it. Its a disease plaging my heart and my head. I'm not me anymore and I'm troubled finding myself. I'm a freak, a politician, a raver, a netrunner, a console cowboy, a bebop, a jazz mess, a geek, a leader, a hater, a lover, a fighter. I've got a personality problem and the problem is its a jumble, a mess. I'm a mess. I am a battleship sinking on my way home. My head is hurting, so are my eyes, and as my throat. This is a complaint and I dearly apologize to all whom have to read this. I may make it sound like I'm ungrateful, but I am. I thank some of those friends who do bring me this. Who talk politics with me, who discuss what I like, who actually listen and pay attention to every damnable word I say, and in the end agree with me. I'm tired of the conflicts within me and the conceided beings of myself and others with words like 'i am' in context with best, better, and beyond. There is a superiority complex in this world in ever being and its pissing me off. I'm fucking angry and fucking vengeful, its gathered up my entire life, since I've been able to remember. Most of the people are feeding the flame. Soon it'll be a wildfire that'll set the whole world aflame. Then they'll regret the day they let their aggorant and disrespectful ways set a fuse that lit a bomb which ate the world with them on it. My head has become a twister and I can't contain it anymore than I have. For many years I have and now the bonds are breaking.
Farewell and good night, sorry for my rant and spelling mistakes. My stress has overflowed. My tremor has gotten worse. My hands are shaking like an earth quake.
There are similarities and common likes. Thats only what my friends have. Its not a "hey thats my favorite band too! " or "Hey thats the film i love most also! "
Its more've a "yea that's great. " or "they're cool. " Never an understanding of it. I like Cowboy Bebop, I like games, I like the net world, I like being wierd, and I like doing crazy things, to be apart of something.
I want to be apart of things, I want to know things, I want to hear things, I want to see things, I want to be answered and accepted not emptied and denied. I want to know everything to hear everything to get a chance at everything. All I've been finding out lately is my best friend is myself and the only person I can share things with is myself. I felt the urge to talk one on one with my brother. My Brother. He's the only person remotely like me, I find out from his friends. That sort've sucks when a guy you really hate is the only one you probably have a chance of talking to, being friends with, or even being able to experince things with. I can't talk about Felix Da Housecat with friends, not the Chemical Brothers, probably not even the Art of Noise, maybe Daft Punk. Somewhat anime, not games. I can't talk about my theories, my ideas. I liked it when I could talk about serious things without people backing down or saying lets not continue this. I liked to debate, to talk politics, to argue. I liked people listening to my theories and ideas, and instead of giving a response like "Its stupid, you just don't get it. " More've an explanation and a counter, then I recounter and we laugh. I never get anything like that anymore. Everything is the same damn thing and thats what I've been trying to avoid my whole life. I cannot dicuss the greatness of forums, poetry amongst friends, I cannot tell my stories or read them. Back when I could tell stories to people and they'd just listen. Now its like, who gives a fuck. Highschool the best years of my life? Maybe eventually. I cannot mention how a shade of blue brings out love in me, or how a simple gray can bring me to tears. I feel trapped I feel imprisoned. I feel alone like I'm outcasted. I've always felt like an outcast, thats why I was a group jumper. I could never belong no matter what I felt. I may act like I do and such, but I never feel it in my heart. My heart just keeps saying "Wasting time. " My eyes are swelling as I write and write, as if this is my plea to the world just a list of a single want. A list stretched across the world with a soul word! I can't take it anymore. I could never take it. I can only last for so long. I feel sick and hurt, weak and dying. I've always felt this way and I can't rid of it. Its a disease plaging my heart and my head. I'm not me anymore and I'm troubled finding myself. I'm a freak, a politician, a raver, a netrunner, a console cowboy, a bebop, a jazz mess, a geek, a leader, a hater, a lover, a fighter. I've got a personality problem and the problem is its a jumble, a mess. I'm a mess. I am a battleship sinking on my way home. My head is hurting, so are my eyes, and as my throat. This is a complaint and I dearly apologize to all whom have to read this. I may make it sound like I'm ungrateful, but I am. I thank some of those friends who do bring me this. Who talk politics with me, who discuss what I like, who actually listen and pay attention to every damnable word I say, and in the end agree with me. I'm tired of the conflicts within me and the conceided beings of myself and others with words like 'i am' in context with best, better, and beyond. There is a superiority complex in this world in ever being and its pissing me off. I'm fucking angry and fucking vengeful, its gathered up my entire life, since I've been able to remember. Most of the people are feeding the flame. Soon it'll be a wildfire that'll set the whole world aflame. Then they'll regret the day they let their aggorant and disrespectful ways set a fuse that lit a bomb which ate the world with them on it. My head has become a twister and I can't contain it anymore than I have. For many years I have and now the bonds are breaking.
Farewell and good night, sorry for my rant and spelling mistakes. My stress has overflowed. My tremor has gotten worse. My hands are shaking like an earth quake.