the petals fall..
my favorite ballerina... irina kolesnikova <3
she inspires me..
i went to ballet class on friday and loved it. my momma came with me, and it was a wonderful, beautiful day. i'm so thankful for ballet..
i did ballet today at home. it didn't go as well as i would have liked... i feel heavier and my pointe shoes seem to be so hard in the box that it's hard and painful to dance in them. they are grishkos, which are very hard in the box. i love my chacotts, but they are far too soft to dance in... it can be frustrating and disappointing for a girl who loves ballet. maybe i am losing strength too... but i love ballet no matter how amateur i am... i still want to try. always try to be graceful and strong and passionate and gentle.. i will always try to be the best dancer i can with the small amount of class i take. i may be in a december ballet performance.. i'm not sure if i should commit because i'm not able to go to class very often. i would love to dance in a show, on stage.. how i love that feeling of dancing on stage. but i don't know if i can learn the two dances well enough in time...
today i quit dancing early (i usually dance for an hour and a half when i do) because i felt frustrated and in pain. my big toe nail had too much pressure on it and is now white from it... grrrr! i still love ballet..
halloween has snuck up on me! it's one of my favorites and now it is almost here... i'm excited for it! sam and i carved pumpkins last night.. i drew on mine with markers and he carved a cute face into his. right now i miss him lots.. we usually get tuesdays together to run errands in town and be with eachother, but he has too much work to do.. so no love tomorrow. that is okay, i'm always thankful for the days i have with myself. maybe i will visit with natalie and have lunch, or go to the gym.. there are always so many things to do that i love!
i have a story from kryon for all of you (:
There once was a human whom we will call Wo. Wo's gender is not important to this story; but since you do not have an adequate word for a neutral gendered person, we call the human Wo... to encompass a man called Wo, or a Wo-man. For translation only, however, we will say Wo is a him.
As all humans in his culture Wo lived in a house, but Wo was really only concerned with the room that he lived in, since it was uniquely his own. His room was beautiful and he was charged with keeping it that way... which he did.
Wo lived a good life; he was in a culture where he never wanted for food, for it was plentiful. He also was never cold, for he always had cover. As Wo grew up he learned many things about himself. He learned the things that made him feel happy, and he would find objects to hang on the wall that he could look at, to make him happy. Wo also learned of the things that made him feel sad, and he learned how to hang these things on the wall when he wished to be sad. Wo also learned the things that made him angry, and he found things to drag out and place on the wall that he could turn to when he chose to be angry.
As with other humans, Wo had many fears. Even though he had the basics in life, he feared other humans and certain situations. He feared the humans and situations that could bring change, for he felt secure and stable with the way things were, and he had worked hard to get them to that state. Wo feared the situations that seemingly had control over his stable room, and he feared the humans who controlled these situations.
He learned about God from the other humans. They told him that being a human was a very small thing, and Wo believed it. After all, he looked around him and saw millions of humans, but only one God. He was told that God was everything and that he was nothing, but that God in his infinite love would answer Wo's prayers if he prayed in earnest and had integrity during his life. So Wo, being a spiritual person, prayed to God that the humans and situations he feared would not create changes, so his room could remain without change... and God answered Wo's request.
Wo feared the past for somehow it reminded him of unpleasant things; so he prayed to God to block these things from his memory... and God answered Wo's request. Wo also feared the future for it contained potential for change, and was dark, uncertain and hidden from him. Wo prayed to God that the future would not bring change to his room... and God answered his request.
Wo never ventured very far into his room for all he really needed as a human was in one corner. When his friends came to visit, this is the corner he showed to them... and he was satisfied with this.
Wo first noticed motion in the other corner when he was about 26. It frightened him severely and he immediately prayed to God for it to go away, for it suggested that he was not alone in his room, and this was not an acceptable condition. God answered Wo's request and the motion stopped, and Wo did not fear it anymore.
When he was 34 it returned, and again Wo asked that it be stopped, for he was very afraid. The motion stopped, but not before Wo saw something he had missed completely in the corner... another door! On the door was strange writing, and Wo feared its implications.
Wo asked religious leaders about the strange door and the motion, and they warned him not to go near it, for they said it was the door of death, and he would certainly die if his curiosity became action. They also told him the writing on the door was evil, and that he should never look on it again. Instead they encouraged him to participate in ritual with them, and give of his talent and earnings to the group... and for this they told him he would fare well.
When Wo was 42 the motion again returned. Although Wo wasn't as afraid of it this time, he again asked for it to stop... and it did. God was good to answer so completely and quickly. Wo felt empowered by the results of his prayers.
When Wo was 50, he became ill and died, although he wasn't really aware of it when it happened. He noticed the motion again in the corner, and again prayed for it to stop; but instead it became clearer and came closer. In fear Wo arose from his bed only to discover that his Earth body remained, and he was in spirit form. As the motion came closer, Wo started somehow to recognize it. He was curious instead of frightened, and his spirit body seemed somehow natural.
Wo now saw that the motion was actually two entities who approached. The white figures gleamed as though they had a light from within, as they drew closer. Finally they stood before him, and Wo was astounded by their majesty... but he wasn't afraid.
One of the figures spoke to Wo and said "Come, dear one, it's time to go." The figure's voice was filled with gentleness and familiarity. Without hesitation Wo went with the two. He was starting to remember how familiar all this was... as he looked behind him and saw his carcass seemingly asleep on the bed. He was filled with a wonderful feeling, and could not explain it. One of the entities took his hand and led him directly toward the door with the strange writing on it. The door opened and all three went through it.
Wo found himself in a long hallway with doors to rooms on each side. He thought to himself, "This is indeed a far larger house than I had imagined!" Wo noticed the first door with more odd writing on it. He spoke to one of the white ones. "What is in this first door on the right?" Without a word the white figure opened the door and motioned for Wo to enter. As Wo entered he was amazed. Stacked from floor to ceiling were riches beyond his wildest dreams! There were gold bars, pearls and diamonds. In one corner alone there were enough rubies and precious stones for an entire kingdom. He looked at his white, glowing companions and said "What is this place?" The larger white one spoke and said, "This is your room of abundance, had you wished to enter it. It belongs to you even now and will remain here for you in the future." Wo was startled by this information.
As they returned to the hallway Wo asked what was in the first room to the left... another door with writing that somehow was starting to make sense. As the white one opened the door he said "This is your room of peace, had you wished to use it." Wo entered the room with his friends, only to be surrounded by a thick white fog. The fog seemed to be alive, for it immediately encased his body, and Wo breathed it in. He was overcome with comfort, and knew he would never be afraid again. He felt peace where there had never been any before. He wanted to stay, but his companions motioned for him to continue, and they again started down the long hallway.
Still another door on the left. "What is this room?" Wo asked. "It is a place where only you can go," said the smaller white figure. Wo entered the room and was immediately filled with a gold light. He knew what this was. This was Wo's self essence, his enlightenment, his knowledge of past and future. This was Wo's storehouse of spirit and love. Wo wept with joy, and stood absorbing truth and understanding for a very long time. His companions did not come in, and were patient.
Finally Wo again stepped into the hallway. He had changed. He looked at his companions and recognized them. "You are the angel guides," Wo stated matter of factly. "No," said the large one, "we are YOUR angel guides." In perfect love they continued. "We have been here since your birth for only one reason: to love you and help show you the doorway. You were afraid and asked for us to retreat, and we did. We are in service to you in love, and we honor your incarnation of expression." Wo felt no reprimand in their words. He realized that they were not in judgment of him, but in honor of him, and he felt their love.
Wo looked at the doors and was now able to read the writing! As he was led down the hallway there were doors marked HEALING, CONTRACT, and another marked JOY. Wo saw even more than he had wished, for down the line there were doors with names of unborn children... and even one marked WORLD LEADER. Wo began to realize what he had missed. And as if they knew his thoughts, the guides said, "Do not be reproachful with your spirit, for it is inappropriate and does not serve your magnificence." Wo did not fully understand. He looked back down the hallway from where he had first entered and saw the writing on the door, the writing that had originally frightened him. The writing was a name! ... it was HIS name, his real name... and He now fully understood.
Wo knew the routine, for now He remembered everything, and He was no longer Wo. He said good-bye to his guides and thanked them for their faithfulness. He stood for a long time looking at them and loving them. Then He turned to walk toward the light at the end of the hallway. He had been here before. He knew what was waiting for him on his brief three-day trip to the cave of creation to retrieve his essence... and then on to the hall of honor and celebration, where those who loved him dearly were waiting for him, including those whom He had loved and lost while on Earth.
He knew where he had been, and where he was going. Wo was going home.
<3