love is not always what you think it is
i have been having some sadness lately.. some unfulfillment that i've had to face. i am working on it.. we all have our scars and fragileness.
sam and i haven't been so easy and smooth with eachother. part of it is a lack of special time just for us, and some of it comes from the ugly, hidden wounds we have inside. but i do love him oh so much and i want to make our relationship beautiful for not only my happiness, but for sam's and onyx's too.
but many happinesses are in my life.. my beautiful onyx, who is 13 weeks old now! and my friends are always so lovely and supportive. nat and heidi!!! my mama, natalie, sam, my mama's lover, and i are going to have a 4th of july booth where we are going to sell our amazing crafts.. and my children's book that onyx and i wrote is in the process of being published. my mama's lover has been so helpful.. he's helping me with my book and with a website that i'm going to have. and.... alice in wonderland the movie is coming up soon.. i am so stoked!! my friends and i are going to dress up for it, and i get to be alice! yay, tim burton is the best! sam and i are going to a pennywise concert this month to rock out while my mama watches onyx.. there is a lot of excitement and things to be happy about <3
but of course, there are the little things in life that i allow to be sore spots.. like.. i am worried for my sister and how her lover treats her and their child, especially now that she's planning her wedding to him. and i want to have a strong, amazing relationship with sam but i find myself wanting to give up at times. and sometimes i feel so restless with life even though it's truly so full of amazingness.
but it's life, and just to be alive is beautiful and something to smile about.