a day of birth..
birthdays are seen as so insignificant and unimportant these days...
but they are so sacred and special. that doesn't mean birthdays should be about gifts or cake or birthday songs..
but they should be about honoring and loving the birthday boy/girl, and realizing how amazing it is that they were born.. that they are here on this earth in your life. that's not to say that i expect that from people, even those i love, just because it's my birthday this week...
i just think it's a fascinating and magical thing to be born and be a little, tiny, dependent, blank child, and then grow, very slowly, to become a full-grown, able, independent, adult.. a person that has grown and changed and experienced and hurt and loved and adapted. butterflies remind me of humans.. always changing and growing, and eventually leaving the comfort of our bodies to become something free and light and new.
i have loved my life so far.. i have had almost 20 years in this life. everything i've learned, everything i've done, every person i have talked to, every choice i have made, and everything that has happened to me.. it has been a big, beautiful, full circle that has led me to this moment and this person that i am exactly. i am so filled with gratitude.. that everything has happened just the way it has, and i would never change it for anything.
right now, my kitty, ginger keeps putting her little paw on my arm and meowing as i'm typing... she is a bossy, very lovey kitty.. so cute and soft. it feels good to be back home, i missed my animals! i can tell that they are happier too.. they depend on us and our love. and for food too, of course :) especially the food! they are munchers, for sure.
<3 <3 <3
i think comparing yourself to others is one of the best ways to cut yourself down tiny.. to diminish and under-value yourself. i admit i have been doing that in my mind lately.. and it feels.. hurtful. i make myself unimportant to others.. and whether i am actually important or not to others, it doesn't truly matter, because only i can make myself whole and valueable... nothing can make me or anyone else 'less than.' i am unique all in my own, and if someone misses out on that, they won't find it anywhere else.. except within me. and that goes for everyone... if you choose (unconsciously or consciously) to miss out on someone's life, what they have inside of them won't be found anywhere else.. it can never compare with anything or anyone else, because everyone has such a different uniqueness to share. that's why it is so dangerous and harmful to compare yourself and your relationships to others and their relationships..
to care too much means you take things personally, and that is a way to take life too seriously... i have learned through so many lessons in my life, to let go... that letting go will bring you freedom, freedom from pain, from anger, from limits, from judgements...
***** ** ***** ** ***** ** *****
what else... there has been work drama, which i have chosen to let go and let be.. knowing that i can always quit if i really want to. i like to do everything in my life with one or more perspectives: enthusiasm, enjoyment, and/or acceptance. if i can not feel enthusiastic about something, then i at least want to enjoy it, and if i cannot do that, then at the very least i need to feel acceptance. that makes for an easier and more smooth-flowing situation in all events and happenings.. i learned that from 'a new earth' and really liked the idea.. it has made life and what i do more meaningful and conscious..
and... i saw my mama today and had lunch with her.. that was lovely <3 she gave me our family tree that goes into the history of her father's family.... it looks really amazing. there is a lot about indians and the irish in it, so i'm excited to read it and learn a little about my human self and family in this lifetime.
tomorrow sam wants to have a cinco de mayo party, with mexican food and some friends over.. and thursday is my birthday, but i probably won't be doing much because i have a doctor's appointment.. friday, sam is taking me somewhere special where we will have lunch and walk in the park with all the beautiful flowers and trees and plants.. and saturday we are having a little birthday party at my mama's house.. she's going to cook some really yummy food, and my friends and family will be there.. i'm excited for it all :) and so appreciative that there are people in this world who love me.
<3
and the picture is just because i love hello kitty and astrology :D they are super cute together.