i am so happy, although happy doesn't truly cut it. how can everything feel so perfect?
i feel... so very purely happy and fulfilled completely. of course there are things, people, situations, experiences that i dream of happening.. that i would love to take place, but i am still so glad in my skin right now. everything is so truly lovely <3 it feels wonderful to be able to say that.. to actually mean it, to believe it and feel it and be it.
beautiful, silly friends that i can connect to, trust, and have fun and love with.. family that truly loves me unconditionally and is here to support me and just be their amazing selves.. a lover who is first and foremost the best friend i could ever dream of, who seems to think i am always someone special and lovely... a home that is safe and warm, food that is nourishing and healthy, water that is clean and pure.. a place to live where there is peace and fresh air.. a glowing body so alive and vibrant and opportunities galore wherever i want to create them... all i can do is hope that my happiness and appreciation of my life and circumstances pours out into the world and uplifts everyone else and their lives. i know how painful and difficult a lot of people have it.. people in war, who have disease, who don't have a safe place to sleep or any food to nourish their bodies... deep in my human heart, i want to say 'it's not fair,' but i know that it 'is' and that there is a grand reason that it is that way.. that even though there is much suffering had, there is much to learn from it by watching it and by experiencing it first-hand. i wouldn't deny someone their experience of pain and suffering and difficulty, because i know that it's going to teach them something so truly valuable and sacred and unique.. i know that sounds cold, careless, and naive.. but truly, from a deep place inside of me, some part of me that is more spirit than human.. i feel that is so true. that's why we have those situations and those experiences.. they seriously build you up, even if you end up dying from them. and throughout it all, i have the greatest admiration and adoration and respect and honor for the people in this world (there are truly so many) that go through death and loss, starvation and war, violence and disease.. i hope and wish and dream that my happiness and love of life somehow has an uplifting effect on this world and all other people... i truly believe that is part of why happiness exists.. that it can truly lift up other people, even people you have never encountered, because everything is a domino effect on this world. everything moves and acts in a circle.. you touch one person with a smile, a hug, or a kind word, and that person effects other people and around it goes..
today was beautiful and fun... i met up with heidi and we began to choreograph for our ballet dance in her play.. she is truly amazing and inspiring. living in a small town, we truly can only go so far with our dancing and that is something i understand and accept, so there is a certain limit to our dance abilities.. but she has done so well with what she has been taught. yes, maybe we can't do fouettes (although heidi is truly getting close!) but she is passionate and determined and creatively just flows. it is so beautiful to see.. she has inspired me to get back in classes, despite what set-backs i think i may have (it is all in my head.. isn't everything?). she came up with some beautiful moves to wonderful music.. it's going to be very entertaining and graceful. i'm so excited for it!
and now i'm sitting here in the house that sam and i are staying at, watching the sunlight fade and feeling so truly peaceful and content. sam is out skateboarding with milan which makes me happy because i know he's doing something fun that he loves, and i got to do the same with heidi and ballet <3 i have wonderful, healthy, pure water to drink next to me, and i am feeling so good. it feels... so freeing.. so relaxing and positive.
and there is something else i'm really excited about but i don't want to talk about it just yet.. but it is definitely bringing me joyous vibes and excitement and motivation and inspiration and obviously so many fantastic feelings <3
love you all to pieces <3 my friends, my family, my aquaintences, my readers...
beautiful, silly friends that i can connect to, trust, and have fun and love with.. family that truly loves me unconditionally and is here to support me and just be their amazing selves.. a lover who is first and foremost the best friend i could ever dream of, who seems to think i am always someone special and lovely... a home that is safe and warm, food that is nourishing and healthy, water that is clean and pure.. a place to live where there is peace and fresh air.. a glowing body so alive and vibrant and opportunities galore wherever i want to create them... all i can do is hope that my happiness and appreciation of my life and circumstances pours out into the world and uplifts everyone else and their lives. i know how painful and difficult a lot of people have it.. people in war, who have disease, who don't have a safe place to sleep or any food to nourish their bodies... deep in my human heart, i want to say 'it's not fair,' but i know that it 'is' and that there is a grand reason that it is that way.. that even though there is much suffering had, there is much to learn from it by watching it and by experiencing it first-hand. i wouldn't deny someone their experience of pain and suffering and difficulty, because i know that it's going to teach them something so truly valuable and sacred and unique.. i know that sounds cold, careless, and naive.. but truly, from a deep place inside of me, some part of me that is more spirit than human.. i feel that is so true. that's why we have those situations and those experiences.. they seriously build you up, even if you end up dying from them. and throughout it all, i have the greatest admiration and adoration and respect and honor for the people in this world (there are truly so many) that go through death and loss, starvation and war, violence and disease.. i hope and wish and dream that my happiness and love of life somehow has an uplifting effect on this world and all other people... i truly believe that is part of why happiness exists.. that it can truly lift up other people, even people you have never encountered, because everything is a domino effect on this world. everything moves and acts in a circle.. you touch one person with a smile, a hug, or a kind word, and that person effects other people and around it goes..
today was beautiful and fun... i met up with heidi and we began to choreograph for our ballet dance in her play.. she is truly amazing and inspiring. living in a small town, we truly can only go so far with our dancing and that is something i understand and accept, so there is a certain limit to our dance abilities.. but she has done so well with what she has been taught. yes, maybe we can't do fouettes (although heidi is truly getting close!) but she is passionate and determined and creatively just flows. it is so beautiful to see.. she has inspired me to get back in classes, despite what set-backs i think i may have (it is all in my head.. isn't everything?). she came up with some beautiful moves to wonderful music.. it's going to be very entertaining and graceful. i'm so excited for it!
and now i'm sitting here in the house that sam and i are staying at, watching the sunlight fade and feeling so truly peaceful and content. sam is out skateboarding with milan which makes me happy because i know he's doing something fun that he loves, and i got to do the same with heidi and ballet <3 i have wonderful, healthy, pure water to drink next to me, and i am feeling so good. it feels... so freeing.. so relaxing and positive.
and there is something else i'm really excited about but i don't want to talk about it just yet.. but it is definitely bringing me joyous vibes and excitement and motivation and inspiration and obviously so many fantastic feelings <3
love you all to pieces <3 my friends, my family, my aquaintences, my readers...