spiritual family <3
i want all my loved ones to know how special they are to me... even the ones who will never read this... i still want to write about how special and unique they are to me. not one is like any other.. <3
sam~ my lover and best friend, my soul mate. you are so gentle and kind, so silly and understanding. so accepting and fun.. thank you for choosing me to be your lover, and for seeing so many beautiful things in myself that i often don't notice. thank you for all your good intentions, for listening, for your calm... for being so strong in times that were confusing and hurtful and breakable.. you were my glue many times, and i thank you for that. today i am whole and intact, greatly because of you :)
mama~ my true friend, my mother, my support and encourager.. you are so bright and silly, so caring and nurturing, so active and inspiring. i have learned so very much from you, you are one of my greatest teachers. thank you for all you have sacrificed, all you have been patient with, all of your faith in me.. for showing me how to change, how to be active in creating who i want to be. thank you for showing me that i have the freedom to do and be anything.. <3 you are so sacred to me in my life..
papa~ i love to see you laugh.. your joy and silliness are so contagious. i am so, so proud of who you are and how you've grown.. words cannot express how proud of you i am. thank you for the hard times.. the times where i was lost and didn't know who i was, the times that you pulled through for my sister and i.. without you, i'm not sure where we would be today. you always did the best you could, and now i can finally admit that :) thank you for showing me how not to be a victim and how to move on.. <3
marley~ beautiful marley, my angel, my son. you were so gentle, so sweet, so shy, and light.. you loved music and for me to rock you to sleep in my belly when i was cleaning.. you are my greatest teacher.. you have brought to me so much depth, and you have stripped away from my core any anger, frustration, negativity, selfishness... these things will always be present somewhere within me, but you have showed me how to live from the essence of my being. how to put away all other things that have no true importance.. throughout your change to become an angel, you showed me the angel within me.. you inspired me to the deepest part of my soul. thank you for changing my life.. <3
mandie~ thank you for being my sister, for reaching out to me, for truly seeing me. you are so silly, sacrificial, and open.. your heart deep down is so kind. there is no one in the world like you.. thank you for loving me, for growing with me, for opening up to me who you truly are inside. we had to get to know each other all over again, and i'm so, so glad we did.. what we had before was just a relationship to express our pain, our anger.. today we have something beautiful and simple. thank you for that.. i miss you and am here for you whenever you want.. <3
natalie~ there is something so beautiful and unique and soft and bright about you... you inspire me in many ways.. i love how you are so free and how your intentions are so pure. you have a very calm way of looking at and dealing with life, and it's such a comfort to be around. you are such a good friend to me, and a loving spirit sister.. thank you for accepting me, for seeing goodness in me.. for being you and for reaching for everything you dream of :) i hope to always be the best friend i can be to you.. to always be here when you need it.. i know there were times when i was wrapped up within myself and my life, and i shut many things out.. thank you for being an influence of freedom and light. you taught me many things that you probably don't even know about <3
mike~ i'm so glad you are in my life.. you are a beautiful, calm, gentle, and silly person, and i feel such deep gratitude that you are my mother's lover. you are so good to her, so kind and thoughtful... that means so much to me, and to her. you are her greatest soulmate, and i appreciate your presence so very much in our lives. <3
elise and larissa~ my step sisters.. we are a family together, and i'm thankful to know you both, even if we don't see each other very often <3 thank you for accepting me, mandie, and my mama into your family and lives.. i know sometimes that can be difficult, but you were both so welcoming and kind. i truly appreciate your generosity and sweetness.. i hope to get to know you both better in the future :)
***special mentions to many of my other loved ones: heidi, juvi, cecilia, roxi, rick, christina, serenity, harmony, raquel, katherine, d, lorrie, ra-el, akemi, leah, ginger, min-min, molly, jonah, tweety, and limes..
and of course, there are many other lovely people who i care about too that i didn't mention here.. to all of them, i say: i <3 you all
<3*<3*<3*<3*<3
on sunday i went to see "coraline" with my mama, natalie, and sam... it was a very cute movie. i love tim burton's creations (he did "the nightmare before christmas," which i adore), so it was very exciting to me. i liked it lots..
yesterday, i did ballet for the fist time in about a month and a half... it went okay. it felt beautiful to do it again, but i think i wasn't being very careful.. i'm not as strong as i was before, because of the time i took away from it, and i hurt myself a bit. but it is okay :) i believe in healing <3 and i feel just fine today. i'm going to go to the gym today in a little while :) i'm looking very forward to it because i haven't exercised in what feels like ages, but i do know that i need to listen to my body and only push it as far as is healthy for it.. i think this weekend, if i feel strong enough for it, i'm going to do a ballet photo shoot.. i miss doing them! i love to capture something beautiful in pictures.. pictures last forever.. they are special moments.
i also am going to teach my mama today... i know she misses dancing very much. i am going to give her some very basic movements so that she can slowly begin to get back to her previous level of ballet.. i love to teach, i love that she loves it so much. <3
and i think i forgot to mention.. i'm going to be in a play/ballet in april i think :) my friend heidi, who is a ballerina too, is putting it on as a fundraiser, because she is going to gautemala and brazil next year. she wants me to be a part of it and choreograph some of the small dances, so i am looking forward to it. it will be a fun challenge <3 i feel so thankful she asked me to be a part of it.. i miss doing creative things with ballet. i hope to get into a ballet class sometime soon too!
<3