sleepy in the morning light
it's morning, very early, and i feel so sleepy.. i am the kind of person that loves to get up in the mornings and do things.. like clean house, read, or draw. but not today.. i'm having a tiring time trying to motivate myself.. and i have whole kitchen to clean! i was supposed to housekeep today for a client, but they don't need me until the week after next, so i have the day off. which is a blessing in disguise because the house needs some love and care..
i had some strange dreams last night.. i dream every night and my dreams are so crystal clear. they have always been very real and easy to remember, but even more so now. last night i dreamed about going back to highschool, even though i graduated from homeschool two years ago.. this is a reoccuring dream i have often. i go back to school and then realize, why am i here? i have already graduated! i never liked public school, only the social part of it did i love. that is why i did homeschool in the middle of my sophomore year in highschool.. i wanted to enjoy and love school. and with homeschool, i did, and i got straight A's. it made me so proud, because before i had been getting a lot of C's and D's. i have a feeling that i know why i keep having this dream about school... it may be that i'm stuck somewhere in life and doing the same thing over and over... there is some part of me that needs to move on and change and grow.
sam had some very sad dreams last night.. his mother is an alcoholic and a drug user, and he dreamed that she finally admitted that she used meth. he was so sad to hear that.. he also dreamed that in that same day, i told him i was going to get an abortion. he said he was hysterical in his dream and crying.. that made me very sad. i know dreams come from somewhere, i feel they truly are important and sacred.. often i wonder what they mean. it makes me sad when my love has nightmares..
i miss natalie.. she seemed so sad when we left her at her grandmother's house. i hope she is doing well.. it's going to be strange not seeing her face every day. but she is a strong girl and she knows what she wants to do with her life.. i'm hoping to see her this week so we can do something together.
i met sam and natalie's grandmother when we moved natalie's belongings there.. she is so sweet. sam had told her about our baby, and she was so excited.. she told me some silly tricks to find out whether it's a boy or girl. i'm going to be happy and excited whatever gender it is.. i only want it to be healthy and happy. she showed me pictures of her back in the 50's when she was a young girl.. she was beautiful! very much like marilyn monroe, with the blonde curls and lovely doll face. i love the way they dressed back then..
today i'm going to do ballet.. i only do it once a week, but i spend a lot of time practicing in that hour and a half that i dance. i don't want to lose ballet.. i love it far too much. once a week does not feel enough to me, but i am usually busy with work. i also go to the gym twice a week to keep my strength up for it. it will always be in my life.. even after i have my baby. sometimes i laugh and smile when i do ballet, because i know my baby is dancing with me..
i had some strange dreams last night.. i dream every night and my dreams are so crystal clear. they have always been very real and easy to remember, but even more so now. last night i dreamed about going back to highschool, even though i graduated from homeschool two years ago.. this is a reoccuring dream i have often. i go back to school and then realize, why am i here? i have already graduated! i never liked public school, only the social part of it did i love. that is why i did homeschool in the middle of my sophomore year in highschool.. i wanted to enjoy and love school. and with homeschool, i did, and i got straight A's. it made me so proud, because before i had been getting a lot of C's and D's. i have a feeling that i know why i keep having this dream about school... it may be that i'm stuck somewhere in life and doing the same thing over and over... there is some part of me that needs to move on and change and grow.
sam had some very sad dreams last night.. his mother is an alcoholic and a drug user, and he dreamed that she finally admitted that she used meth. he was so sad to hear that.. he also dreamed that in that same day, i told him i was going to get an abortion. he said he was hysterical in his dream and crying.. that made me very sad. i know dreams come from somewhere, i feel they truly are important and sacred.. often i wonder what they mean. it makes me sad when my love has nightmares..
i miss natalie.. she seemed so sad when we left her at her grandmother's house. i hope she is doing well.. it's going to be strange not seeing her face every day. but she is a strong girl and she knows what she wants to do with her life.. i'm hoping to see her this week so we can do something together.
i met sam and natalie's grandmother when we moved natalie's belongings there.. she is so sweet. sam had told her about our baby, and she was so excited.. she told me some silly tricks to find out whether it's a boy or girl. i'm going to be happy and excited whatever gender it is.. i only want it to be healthy and happy. she showed me pictures of her back in the 50's when she was a young girl.. she was beautiful! very much like marilyn monroe, with the blonde curls and lovely doll face. i love the way they dressed back then..
today i'm going to do ballet.. i only do it once a week, but i spend a lot of time practicing in that hour and a half that i dance. i don't want to lose ballet.. i love it far too much. once a week does not feel enough to me, but i am usually busy with work. i also go to the gym twice a week to keep my strength up for it. it will always be in my life.. even after i have my baby. sometimes i laugh and smile when i do ballet, because i know my baby is dancing with me..