Bottom, end, empty bottle, empty soul.
No, this is not a crazy suicide post. Far from it actually.
However I think tonight, I really have kinda hit rock bottom. In every way possible to be honest.
The song Pieces by Sum 41 comes to mind, the opening lyrics are...
I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said
It describes my life perfectly right now. I do have my friends, their amazing in all honesty, an i do have my family to some extent.
The last few weeks have been some what of a roller-coaster! So many things have happened, so many emotions running through my head. Literally one after another.
My head is SO screwed up right now and I really don't know what to do about it.
I lost a few friends tonight, some don't even know it yet. However I don't want them in my life anymore. In any way shape or form!
Conagh can literally get to fuck, I really hope he hurts at some point for what he has done to me. I'm sat here SO calm, but I'm bursting at the seems.
I want to scream, shout, punch, kick, throw things, destroy things. Basically go crazy.
Keiron has been off with me for weeks an now I find out he is the reason I'm hurting. He's the reason Conagh is hurting me. Am I really that bad? That... Dare I say it, undesirable, un-dateable?
The worst thing is, I'm not even angry really.. Just, disappointed. Well and truly, utterly disappointed!
Actually, that's a lie. I am angry, at myself. For letting myself fall so stupidly. Letting my fucking walls down again. Why do I do it? Wtf is the point when all it does it get you hurt!!!!!
I'm not ready to talk about Stephen yet, I need to confront what he's done to me.
It's 07:37am an all i want is a drink. Lots of it. It won't do any good, but I WANT it. No actually I NEED it.
Need to think.
Post more later, if I haven't destroyed my flat.
Ha.
I believe life is funny. Harshly funny.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.