I don't even know if I'm confused or not...
I've had two dreams in the last week or so where I was in a poly relationship. Neither of them involved sex, and both of them left me feeling good.
I've never had dreams like that before, so I'm slightly confused. Not in a "what does this mean?" sense, but in a "what has changed in my head that's resulted in a difference in what I'm dreaming about?" kind of way.
(Although last night proved that some things really haven't changed. I dreamt that I was back with my ex, again *rolls eyes* It was just horrible and felt void of any actual emotion, which was such a contrast to the dreams mentioned above.)
I mean, I've thought about the whole poly thing before. I like the idea. But that doesn't mean I'd be any good in a poly relationship. Saying that, I can't exactly be sure I'd be any good in a good mono relationship either. I now know some of the things I need in relationships for them to work (communication! honesty! people not assuming that I can't handle these things!), but those are things that would apply to both mono and poly relationships, so I don't know what the point of this sentence is anymore.
I suspect I fall somewhere in the middle, or will when I feel ready to be in relationships - the kind of person who's good with both mono and poly relationships, depending on the needs of the other person/people involved. This isn't a proper conclusion born of soul-searching or anything, but more based on the fact that I have a history of not being able to limit myself, in a way. I mean, the first time anyone asked me if I was more dominant or submissive, I simply said that I switch between the two. Thing is, I wasn't trying to avoid the question or anything - it's the actual truth. So is the fact that a person's gender doesn't have anything to do with whether I am attracted to them/fall in love with them/etc or not (once I get to know them anyway - having trust issues sucks). And the fact that my gender does what it wants and very rarely hits the normal male/female binary gender thing.
Okay, so that's a little "I'll be whatever you want me to be"-ish, but that's what I'm like generally. And it might make me weird, but it also makes me happy.
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I've never had dreams like that before, so I'm slightly confused. Not in a "what does this mean?" sense, but in a "what has changed in my head that's resulted in a difference in what I'm dreaming about?" kind of way.
(Although last night proved that some things really haven't changed. I dreamt that I was back with my ex, again *rolls eyes* It was just horrible and felt void of any actual emotion, which was such a contrast to the dreams mentioned above.)
I mean, I've thought about the whole poly thing before. I like the idea. But that doesn't mean I'd be any good in a poly relationship. Saying that, I can't exactly be sure I'd be any good in a good mono relationship either. I now know some of the things I need in relationships for them to work (communication! honesty! people not assuming that I can't handle these things!), but those are things that would apply to both mono and poly relationships, so I don't know what the point of this sentence is anymore.
I suspect I fall somewhere in the middle, or will when I feel ready to be in relationships - the kind of person who's good with both mono and poly relationships, depending on the needs of the other person/people involved. This isn't a proper conclusion born of soul-searching or anything, but more based on the fact that I have a history of not being able to limit myself, in a way. I mean, the first time anyone asked me if I was more dominant or submissive, I simply said that I switch between the two. Thing is, I wasn't trying to avoid the question or anything - it's the actual truth. So is the fact that a person's gender doesn't have anything to do with whether I am attracted to them/fall in love with them/etc or not (once I get to know them anyway - having trust issues sucks). And the fact that my gender does what it wants and very rarely hits the normal male/female binary gender thing.
Okay, so that's a little "I'll be whatever you want me to be"-ish, but that's what I'm like generally. And it might make me weird, but it also makes me happy.
more comments | reply to the original entry