Joshua Winslow Groban
Last night was one of the two most amazing nights of my entire life. I felt complete, whole, healed, happy, nervous, excited, blessed, special, and blissful. I was at a Josh Groban concert. The other most complete night of my life was two years ago when I saw him in Fort Myers.
Here's the deal, something about his music is so cathartic. I feel complete and a sense of myself that I have not felt since the summer before I started Harding when I was deliciously thin, ready to shine, and not at all anxious. Oh how my life has changed since then!
At one point during the concert he appeared in the middle of the stadium, immersed in the audience. The lyrics were ironically "I am not an angel, I am not a hero, I am just a man, a man like any other," all the while the audience was reaching out to touch him like, honesly, like he was Jesus. That was the image that sprung instantly to mind. That when Jesus walked through crowds and people clammered into tree tops just to glimpse him and widows crawled to touch his feet- that kind of attention was what these people were lavishing on him. If he had come by me I would have done the same thing. In fact the whole show was a spiritual experience. His music is uplifting so that's not hard to find God somewhere in lyrics like "you are loved, don't give up" or "when darkness blinds you I will shine to guide you." Music to me is so much more spiritual than anything else I can experience. Nothing else really compares- not even traveling or service or friendships.
This reminds me of Romans 8:26 that states "In the same way the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for but the Spirit intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express"
I find that my Spirit, the Holy Spirit living inside of me, groans in minor chords and major thirds. He groans in harmonies and often discordance.
This is a hop, skip, and jump to my next topic. Josh was a spiritual experience, cleansing me from some bad thoughts that had been swimming around me lately. When I did Handel's Messiah last semester and Brahms' Requiem this semester in concert I felt more at ease with my soul than other times all week. I felt an intense praising of God and Christ. I felt practically lifted up towards heaven. When I walked into San Ignazio and saw these amazing sculpture and paintings of angels escorting the saint to heaven I felt a stirring, a peace, a gloss over my soul that mended whatever turblulence I felt to the contrary. Is it wrong to find spiritual comforts only outside of the church?
I wonder this because I no longer find any spirtual comfort in my church. There is nothing there that stirs me. I think much of this has to do with the music- it comprises a bit less than half of our worship service but since I find my only pleasures and true communion with God in singing it makes sense that I find so little at UCCC. It isn't the church and it isn't me not plugging into it. I just want something that is not offered there. But I don't want to leave my church, I love my family there and I know they are doing good things for the Father there. However I will continue to need to pursue God in other places for myself.
I worry that I need to be able to see God in smaller things. If I can only feel Him surround me in a concert with speakers blaring and 14,000 people swept into lyrics and notes how will I see Him in a more real, local level? If I can only see him in buildings that are hundreds of years old will I find Him in my apartment? I know He is always with me and that I am not alone. And I also know He is reaching out towards me but I have become so deaf and so blind that I can only see Him when He shouts at me or when I am so heart-swept in the moment that there is nothing else to see but Him.
There will be more thoughts to develop from this.
Here's the deal, something about his music is so cathartic. I feel complete and a sense of myself that I have not felt since the summer before I started Harding when I was deliciously thin, ready to shine, and not at all anxious. Oh how my life has changed since then!
At one point during the concert he appeared in the middle of the stadium, immersed in the audience. The lyrics were ironically "I am not an angel, I am not a hero, I am just a man, a man like any other," all the while the audience was reaching out to touch him like, honesly, like he was Jesus. That was the image that sprung instantly to mind. That when Jesus walked through crowds and people clammered into tree tops just to glimpse him and widows crawled to touch his feet- that kind of attention was what these people were lavishing on him. If he had come by me I would have done the same thing. In fact the whole show was a spiritual experience. His music is uplifting so that's not hard to find God somewhere in lyrics like "you are loved, don't give up" or "when darkness blinds you I will shine to guide you." Music to me is so much more spiritual than anything else I can experience. Nothing else really compares- not even traveling or service or friendships.
This reminds me of Romans 8:26 that states "In the same way the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for but the Spirit intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express"
I find that my Spirit, the Holy Spirit living inside of me, groans in minor chords and major thirds. He groans in harmonies and often discordance.
This is a hop, skip, and jump to my next topic. Josh was a spiritual experience, cleansing me from some bad thoughts that had been swimming around me lately. When I did Handel's Messiah last semester and Brahms' Requiem this semester in concert I felt more at ease with my soul than other times all week. I felt an intense praising of God and Christ. I felt practically lifted up towards heaven. When I walked into San Ignazio and saw these amazing sculpture and paintings of angels escorting the saint to heaven I felt a stirring, a peace, a gloss over my soul that mended whatever turblulence I felt to the contrary. Is it wrong to find spiritual comforts only outside of the church?
I wonder this because I no longer find any spirtual comfort in my church. There is nothing there that stirs me. I think much of this has to do with the music- it comprises a bit less than half of our worship service but since I find my only pleasures and true communion with God in singing it makes sense that I find so little at UCCC. It isn't the church and it isn't me not plugging into it. I just want something that is not offered there. But I don't want to leave my church, I love my family there and I know they are doing good things for the Father there. However I will continue to need to pursue God in other places for myself.
I worry that I need to be able to see God in smaller things. If I can only feel Him surround me in a concert with speakers blaring and 14,000 people swept into lyrics and notes how will I see Him in a more real, local level? If I can only see him in buildings that are hundreds of years old will I find Him in my apartment? I know He is always with me and that I am not alone. And I also know He is reaching out towards me but I have become so deaf and so blind that I can only see Him when He shouts at me or when I am so heart-swept in the moment that there is nothing else to see but Him.
There will be more thoughts to develop from this.