Reflections
It's hard to believe that a year ago at this time I was counting down the days until I graduated boot camp. In 11 days it'll be one year since I graduated boot camp. I've already hit my 1 year mark in the military though, which is hard to believe. It's been an interesting year, to say the least. I think it's been a good experience so far though and even if I don't re-enlist after my 6 years are up, I'll come away with some valuable lessons.
Boot camp was hell on earth for me at first. I had never been so far away from my family and unable to contact them, I was overweight and out of shape, unbearably shy with anxiety issues galore, and I was dropped in an environment I was completely unfamiliar with. But I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I can take charge of people when I have to. I learned that am a hell of a lot stronger than I ever gave my self credit for. I cried two times at boot camp. The first was when my phone card wouldn't work and I couldn't talk to my parents for the first time in weeks. The second was when we completed battle stations as a division and were given our Navy ball caps. That was when we became sailors. I never cried when I had my RDC's screaming at me and telling me I was stupid or a moron because I was horrible at marching or because I did something wrong. I never cried when we were beat because people couldn't follow instructions. And every time I fell down, I got back up. During those two months I grew a lot. I learned that I can rely on myself and do anything I put my mind to. I gained self-confidence.
Being on my own is a good experience. I needed to learn to stop relying on my parents for everything. I miss my parents a lot, but I love being in California. And I know that if I ever need them, they're just a phone call away. Other than my parents, there's nothing in Ohio for me. I miss my friends, but they all have lives of their own and I rarely saw them.
My anxiety issues haven't gone away. But I've gotten a hell of a lot better at dealing with them. I still worry too much and I can't turn my brain off and stop being paranoid, but I'm working on that. I know that I can get over my issues. Maybe not on my own, but I have an amazing boyfriend who's helping me with that. I'm still not good at making friends, but I think a lot of that is in my head. I've gotten a lot better at talking to other people and I know that if I could just relax and stop turning down invitations to go out I'd have more friends. Though I'm not too worried about that now, since I'd probably lose most of them after I transfer to my next duty station. I figure that's something to worry about when I get to my first real duty station.
I still procrastinate too much unfortunately, something I had hoped boot camp would cure me of. I've come to realize that if you want to change you can't rely on outside forces to do it for you. You have to do it for yourself. Boot camp and being on my own has definitely made me grow up a little and has given me some more maturity. Though I'm still just a big kid. Still love anime and manga (even if I'm not keeping up with them as much),video games (I've been introduced to the wonderful world of mmorpgs, namely WOW), and I've recently started playing Magic: The Gathering. I still love Hello Kitty and buy more plushies than I need to (like the giant Totoro I picked up in San Francisco's Japantown). So I haven't changed too much. I've just developed some much needed self-confidence, though I've still got a ways to go. Boot camp was a good jump start for me though.
The military isn't for everyone. But I'm glad I joined, even though it's not something I ever thought I'd do. Didn't think I'd make it through boot camp. I figured I'd have a break down the first time I got yelled at. But I got through it and came out stronger for it. And I know that through my own will and with the help of my boyfriend, I can get my anxiety problems under control and change the bad habits that I want gone. I'm slowly learning how to rely on others while still standing on my own two feet and relying on myself, instead of just relying on others completely like I was before.
So while I may not like a lot of the aspects of being in the military (though that could also be because I'm still in training and at a training base), I'm glad I enlisted. I've learned some valuable lessons and learned a lot about myself in this past year. <3
Boot camp was hell on earth for me at first. I had never been so far away from my family and unable to contact them, I was overweight and out of shape, unbearably shy with anxiety issues galore, and I was dropped in an environment I was completely unfamiliar with. But I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I can take charge of people when I have to. I learned that am a hell of a lot stronger than I ever gave my self credit for. I cried two times at boot camp. The first was when my phone card wouldn't work and I couldn't talk to my parents for the first time in weeks. The second was when we completed battle stations as a division and were given our Navy ball caps. That was when we became sailors. I never cried when I had my RDC's screaming at me and telling me I was stupid or a moron because I was horrible at marching or because I did something wrong. I never cried when we were beat because people couldn't follow instructions. And every time I fell down, I got back up. During those two months I grew a lot. I learned that I can rely on myself and do anything I put my mind to. I gained self-confidence.
Being on my own is a good experience. I needed to learn to stop relying on my parents for everything. I miss my parents a lot, but I love being in California. And I know that if I ever need them, they're just a phone call away. Other than my parents, there's nothing in Ohio for me. I miss my friends, but they all have lives of their own and I rarely saw them.
My anxiety issues haven't gone away. But I've gotten a hell of a lot better at dealing with them. I still worry too much and I can't turn my brain off and stop being paranoid, but I'm working on that. I know that I can get over my issues. Maybe not on my own, but I have an amazing boyfriend who's helping me with that. I'm still not good at making friends, but I think a lot of that is in my head. I've gotten a lot better at talking to other people and I know that if I could just relax and stop turning down invitations to go out I'd have more friends. Though I'm not too worried about that now, since I'd probably lose most of them after I transfer to my next duty station. I figure that's something to worry about when I get to my first real duty station.
I still procrastinate too much unfortunately, something I had hoped boot camp would cure me of. I've come to realize that if you want to change you can't rely on outside forces to do it for you. You have to do it for yourself. Boot camp and being on my own has definitely made me grow up a little and has given me some more maturity. Though I'm still just a big kid. Still love anime and manga (even if I'm not keeping up with them as much),video games (I've been introduced to the wonderful world of mmorpgs, namely WOW), and I've recently started playing Magic: The Gathering. I still love Hello Kitty and buy more plushies than I need to (like the giant Totoro I picked up in San Francisco's Japantown). So I haven't changed too much. I've just developed some much needed self-confidence, though I've still got a ways to go. Boot camp was a good jump start for me though.
The military isn't for everyone. But I'm glad I joined, even though it's not something I ever thought I'd do. Didn't think I'd make it through boot camp. I figured I'd have a break down the first time I got yelled at. But I got through it and came out stronger for it. And I know that through my own will and with the help of my boyfriend, I can get my anxiety problems under control and change the bad habits that I want gone. I'm slowly learning how to rely on others while still standing on my own two feet and relying on myself, instead of just relying on others completely like I was before.
So while I may not like a lot of the aspects of being in the military (though that could also be because I'm still in training and at a training base), I'm glad I enlisted. I've learned some valuable lessons and learned a lot about myself in this past year. <3