I'm not a scaredy cat!
I am slowly learning that no matter how badly you want someone there, and no matter how much you whine about it, they will not be there in the next hour, day, or even week. They will be there when they are supposed to be and not before.
Waiting is the hardest thing to do, and the longer you wait, the more anxious and scared you get. You make up scenarios in your head and think of every single thing that could go wrong. If you think of them long enough, you start to believe that they’re actually going to happen, and you get even more scared, and you start to wonder if the thing you’re waiting for is even worth it.
I am so tired of doubting whether or not what I’m doing is the right thing. I know in my heart that I am. In my heart, I see that he treats me like a princess, and I know that he will love me no matter what. But my head persists in feeding me these scenarios and scaring me and making me want to push him away.
I love him more than anything else, and I would give the world to be with him every single minute of every day, but I’m scared that I’m going to push him away without even meaning to. And I know what would happen if I did that, even accidentally. And I know that he would end up in the hospital or worse. If that happened I would feel so very guilty.
We, both of us, have very fragile hearts. We have had past hurts that have sent each of us reeling. Right now we are like two young trees, trying to cling to each other in the midst of a storm. It would be very easy for one of us to be torn away, and then the other would be at the mercy of the wind and rain. Hopefully we will be able to grow together, big and strong, intertwining more and more so that we are almost unrecognizable as two separate beings. Then we will be able to stand against the winds that try to tear us apart.
Waiting is the hardest thing to do, and the longer you wait, the more anxious and scared you get. You make up scenarios in your head and think of every single thing that could go wrong. If you think of them long enough, you start to believe that they’re actually going to happen, and you get even more scared, and you start to wonder if the thing you’re waiting for is even worth it.
I am so tired of doubting whether or not what I’m doing is the right thing. I know in my heart that I am. In my heart, I see that he treats me like a princess, and I know that he will love me no matter what. But my head persists in feeding me these scenarios and scaring me and making me want to push him away.
I love him more than anything else, and I would give the world to be with him every single minute of every day, but I’m scared that I’m going to push him away without even meaning to. And I know what would happen if I did that, even accidentally. And I know that he would end up in the hospital or worse. If that happened I would feel so very guilty.
We, both of us, have very fragile hearts. We have had past hurts that have sent each of us reeling. Right now we are like two young trees, trying to cling to each other in the midst of a storm. It would be very easy for one of us to be torn away, and then the other would be at the mercy of the wind and rain. Hopefully we will be able to grow together, big and strong, intertwining more and more so that we are almost unrecognizable as two separate beings. Then we will be able to stand against the winds that try to tear us apart.