Rantin' and Ravin'
You know. Sometimes life is just far too confusing for me. I don't know which end is up most of the time and I am not always sure which decision is the "right" one. How is one to know such a thing? As a matter of fact, I don't even seem to know which direction my career is going in, and that has been a stable thing for me. But lately I have been thinking differently about my career and the way things in my life have been going. Like for a second, I thought about maybe going to be a nurse...and then I remembered that I have to actually be super smart to be a nurse, and I really couldn't deal with poking people with needles or the whole blood thing. I don't mind blood, its just that I would get sick of seeing it all the time. Besides, there are lawsuits everywhere in the doctoring business. I'd surely end up the one to get sued for something completely wrong, and for something which never happened. Then I started thinking about going to be a psychologist or a psychiatrist. But then that thought quickly faded when I realized that I'm so indecisive and confused about my own life that I am in no place to be telling anyone else about their life. I'd probably drive them to suicide, knowing me, and my thought patterns. Oh well, what can I say?
At least my relationship is semi-stable. I feel pretty damn good about my James, although I better watch what I say, because knowing me, and my luck, I'll have jinxed myself and I will end up with a phone call shortly from James and he'll tell me he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Naw, won't happen to me. THEN - to make things crappier, he's going to Mardi Gras this weekend, which I'm not overly thrilled about. I mean, it's only our 6 month anniversary on the 22nd and he will be spending that day focusing on boobs, nipples, beer and beads. REAL comforting to me. So I'm hoping to spend the entire weekend absorbed in my friends, keeping my mind off of James, because I know if I sit at home and think, I'm going to be miserable and I'm going to think nothing but bad thoughts, which I shouldn't think, but I am going to think, because that's how I think, and that's how my thinker works. It's just not fair.
Which brings me to my next point...why can't I be more optimistic about life? I feel so pessimistic all the damn time. I think I need Xanax. Something. Seriously. Because I just can't keep feeling this shitty way all the time. I'm going to call the doctor right now and make an appointment for tomorrow, because I don't want to be feeling this way anymore. Well, maybe I will call in a little bit, I don't want to be on the phone with the doctor talking about drugs for depression when the people come over to see our house...which is up for sale because we are moving to Chesterfield. Why Chesterfield. I don't even like the name "Chesterfield". Our new street name is "Sam's Lane" and the subdivision is "Burgess Estates". How shitty do the three of those sound? I always envisioned moving to a better sounding place...like Pinewood Lane, or Bermuda Drive...something happy and exotic...but Sam's. It's like...when I write my return address....do I have to use the apostrophe? Do I really need it? Are the people at the post office going to be mad if we don't do it correctly? What if I give someone my address and they don't use the apostrophe...will I still get my porn magazines and dildos? Not that I would order them through mail order, but still you know what I mean? Grrr.
Life is just so confusing. I don't know what else to say about it....it's just confusing.
--Tarra
At least my relationship is semi-stable. I feel pretty damn good about my James, although I better watch what I say, because knowing me, and my luck, I'll have jinxed myself and I will end up with a phone call shortly from James and he'll tell me he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Naw, won't happen to me. THEN - to make things crappier, he's going to Mardi Gras this weekend, which I'm not overly thrilled about. I mean, it's only our 6 month anniversary on the 22nd and he will be spending that day focusing on boobs, nipples, beer and beads. REAL comforting to me. So I'm hoping to spend the entire weekend absorbed in my friends, keeping my mind off of James, because I know if I sit at home and think, I'm going to be miserable and I'm going to think nothing but bad thoughts, which I shouldn't think, but I am going to think, because that's how I think, and that's how my thinker works. It's just not fair.
Which brings me to my next point...why can't I be more optimistic about life? I feel so pessimistic all the damn time. I think I need Xanax. Something. Seriously. Because I just can't keep feeling this shitty way all the time. I'm going to call the doctor right now and make an appointment for tomorrow, because I don't want to be feeling this way anymore. Well, maybe I will call in a little bit, I don't want to be on the phone with the doctor talking about drugs for depression when the people come over to see our house...which is up for sale because we are moving to Chesterfield. Why Chesterfield. I don't even like the name "Chesterfield". Our new street name is "Sam's Lane" and the subdivision is "Burgess Estates". How shitty do the three of those sound? I always envisioned moving to a better sounding place...like Pinewood Lane, or Bermuda Drive...something happy and exotic...but Sam's. It's like...when I write my return address....do I have to use the apostrophe? Do I really need it? Are the people at the post office going to be mad if we don't do it correctly? What if I give someone my address and they don't use the apostrophe...will I still get my porn magazines and dildos? Not that I would order them through mail order, but still you know what I mean? Grrr.
Life is just so confusing. I don't know what else to say about it....it's just confusing.
--Tarra