Well...let's see here.
I don't know. Maybe I'm not going to be so lonely anymore. I mean. I kinda sorta met someone that I think...just think that I might like. But you know what? Every time that I get my hopes up and I think that maybe I found someone I like, I get my face rubbed in the dirt, or I just get told that I make a better friend. So my anecdote to that is not to let anyone close to me. Therefore the person I met cannot mean very much to me. I think for a while that will be the better way for me to go. Lately online, Johnny and I have been fighting every damn day. It never ceases to happen. Anytime both of our names are signed on, something turns into an argument, and I am so sick of it. Alot of it has to do with other people though and that really makes me sick. I learned way long ago to ask people directly before believing what someone else says, right? I think that might have been my first lesson in high school that I can really say that I learned. I learned that shit the hard way too, by being talked about and having rumors going around about me. I just wish that Johnny didn't get so upset when someone says something to him, or tells him something. For example...my birthday party was last Friday (the 11th). I didn't post anything about it because I didn't want to celebrate it, because I A) Did NOT want to turn 20, and B) No one came to my party except for Jessica, Bill, and Rob. And that was of like 60 some people we invited. I know that partially that's because I don't have any friends, haha, but seriously...only 3 people? Cmon now, aren't people a little bit nicer than that? I guess not. ANYWAY. So yeah. Well, Scotty was at Dantes that night too. I was at Peppers the Wednesday before my birthday and I mentioned my party to him and all his friends, not specifically telling Scotty about it, right? NOTE: I didn't specifically tell Scotty about it. Why? Because anyone who knows anything about me knows that me and Scotty are nothing. Anyone would tell you that I really couldn't care less what happens to him. He's a self-centered, egotistical, womanizing jerk. He is still an acquaintance to me and what not, when I see him, he and I will exchange a few words, but I have learned about Scotty. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way...through subjecting myself to and episode of dating him...BACK IN APRIL though. So at my party...he's like, hey birthday girl, let's dance. Well I was like, fine, and we danced for all of 15 seconds, maybe 1/2 a verse to a song before this ugly stupid black girl walks over (she being the chick that was incredibly into him and jealous when we started dating) and starts rubbing her ass into him. I was like fuck it, and just turned around. It wasn't a big deal to me, I was just like, that's Scotty, and that's part of the reason I can't stand him 90% of the time. I'm used to that with him.
So yeah....then...haha...I guess I told Traci about seeing him there and whatnot, all that BS, and I think she might have mentioned it to Johnny...which isn't a big deal, but there is no other place he would've heard it from, so I'm just assuming its her, because he doesn't talk to any of my other friends, and I didn't tell anyone else online about it, but like I said it was no big deal. But he just like, thought that it was such a big deal and then he just started getting on my case. He'll come out and tell me he doesn't want to be seriously involved, and all that, and I'm like, that's fine! He knows that I do, which I do, and I mean, I wasn't really interested in anyone else for quite a long time, but someone can only go so long, until someone else pops into the picture, and becomes a friend to you. I just want to know how he really can expect me to be there loving and waiting for him, when he's in Texas and I'm here. I guess that I kinda felt the same way for a while...that no matter what, no matter where, I loved him and didn't want to talk to anyone else. Well, I still love him with all my heart, and I want him in my life as a friend, companion and everything else, but its time for me to move on. My heart really needs to move on and be cared for in real life. I just can't spend every day of my life waiting and hoping for an internet love to come true. I think he feels the same way, but I'm not sure. Chances are he will say something to me for writing all of this. I hope I didn't make him mad, but I know he will read this....he always reads my journal.
But Eric...the person I met, is a great guy. I don't know what's up with us, nor do I really want to know, because I believe that the more you know about what's going on, the less happy you will tend to be, because of the fact that there is no element of surprise and when you don't know...you can't make judgements and biased decisions.
Well...I've been doing really good on my diet thus far...I've been in the gym every day. You can see my 4 pack, there are still 2 more beers to go. But I definitely have alot of work to do, and stuff to go through before my body is where I want it.
Alright...off to the gym, then to my Grandmas and then doing some homework. I have this huge presentation on Monday to give in my speech class and I still have to jazz it up some. Laterz!!
So yeah....then...haha...I guess I told Traci about seeing him there and whatnot, all that BS, and I think she might have mentioned it to Johnny...which isn't a big deal, but there is no other place he would've heard it from, so I'm just assuming its her, because he doesn't talk to any of my other friends, and I didn't tell anyone else online about it, but like I said it was no big deal. But he just like, thought that it was such a big deal and then he just started getting on my case. He'll come out and tell me he doesn't want to be seriously involved, and all that, and I'm like, that's fine! He knows that I do, which I do, and I mean, I wasn't really interested in anyone else for quite a long time, but someone can only go so long, until someone else pops into the picture, and becomes a friend to you. I just want to know how he really can expect me to be there loving and waiting for him, when he's in Texas and I'm here. I guess that I kinda felt the same way for a while...that no matter what, no matter where, I loved him and didn't want to talk to anyone else. Well, I still love him with all my heart, and I want him in my life as a friend, companion and everything else, but its time for me to move on. My heart really needs to move on and be cared for in real life. I just can't spend every day of my life waiting and hoping for an internet love to come true. I think he feels the same way, but I'm not sure. Chances are he will say something to me for writing all of this. I hope I didn't make him mad, but I know he will read this....he always reads my journal.
But Eric...the person I met, is a great guy. I don't know what's up with us, nor do I really want to know, because I believe that the more you know about what's going on, the less happy you will tend to be, because of the fact that there is no element of surprise and when you don't know...you can't make judgements and biased decisions.
Well...I've been doing really good on my diet thus far...I've been in the gym every day. You can see my 4 pack, there are still 2 more beers to go. But I definitely have alot of work to do, and stuff to go through before my body is where I want it.
Alright...off to the gym, then to my Grandmas and then doing some homework. I have this huge presentation on Monday to give in my speech class and I still have to jazz it up some. Laterz!!