(no subject)
Happy July 4th everyone! And Happy Four-Year Anniversary to lil' miss lilijean and her beau Tim-bo!
Sitting here at the boys, I am tired of doing work and will willingly admit that I was relatively unproductive today. I don't know what happened, I used to be so hard-working when I was in college. We had a good weekend, saw Cinderella Man on Friday nite with the Boy, went to a co-worker get together on Saturday nite, then a local college bar, hung out for a bit and grilled out yesterday at a friend of his and went to my favorite place for breakfast this morning. I wish I could go there every morning.
I don't know, my heart changes everyday. I think it was just a day or so ago I was so fed up that I thought to myself, "I need to just end this". It wouldn't be the first time I've said that to myself, well maybe this month. My significant doubts about twice a month with a +/- 1 deviation. And I have to come to realize that it must just be me because as I reflect, he is pretty consistent in his behavior. So it must be my toleration levels that change because it surely is not my expectations. What is it that I expect?
I just want to love and be loved. I want many other things but lets narrow my scope to my male relations. Love. Is that so much to ask for? Apparently.
When I think back on these things I'll call male relations, I default to easiest excuse, what is wrong with me? I am a 23 year old young professional that loves to laugh. I love doing cute-sy things for my significant other. I smile like its my job. I am good in group settings and get along well with new people. I can bake chocolate cookies from scratch. I am Asian (I know there are some kinky rumors out there about Asians). I like to believe I am intelligent and can carry on engaging conversation. I am family-oriented and love children. I like football and South Park. And love a good steak a potato.
So what's wrong with me?
Well, apparently a number of things: I am a hopeless romantic. I like the lil' things. I am too nice and not a challenge.
The list appears shorter but our focus is on quality of reasons, not quantity.