I am HORRIBLE at updating
Just got back from the airport around two hours ago. Took a last minute trip to Iowa, can you imagine how exciting things are there?
Its strange, I get into this mode, if there are too many things on my plate, I almost quit. I would almost do nothing at all because it doesn't seem like I make any progress anyways. So I ask myself, "what is the point?" It happens at work sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I don't ever really take the bold move of 'quitting' but the thought crosses my mind sometimes. I think the same issue happens with LJ. . . I feel like I fall so far behind, I have so much to say, that I 'quit' and I don't update at all.
A lot has been happening yet nothing has really changed at all. Work is going well although I feel like I need a vacation. I booked a trip back to Rochester the last weekend in June which I am estatic for. I have not been home since Christmas and I'm almost embarassed to admit that I may have become one of those people who goes home to see their parents twice a year. Time just flies by so fast and I can hardly believe that it has really been six months. . . where is the time going? What have I been doing all these months?
Before I know it, I have almost been here a year - 11 months to be exact - and what has happened in the past year? A lot.
I have graduated, gone to China for a month, moved to Cincinnati, started a new job, moved in with a significant other of over a year, learned a new role/industry/function, separated from Old Boy, relearned how to live in Cincinnati, alone. . . and that actually all happened within the first four months. So, what have I accomplished in the following seven months? Well, my typical day is, well, typical. I wake up in the morning, some days earlier, some days later. I get to work sometime between 7-9am and spend the day there, responding to the 50-80 emails I get daily, dialing into weekly conference calls, attending meetings where you walk away with just more "to-do's", put out fires and do A LOT of communicating, internally and externally. I tell myself I will get out of there by 5-6pm but realistically, I'm never really walking out to my car till 6-7pm. I take my 25 minute commute home which is never bad because I am going against traffic and open my apartment door to the man in my life, Kavi. Him and I spend some time together, number one, going outside to potty and then either a walk out at a local park or some spastic fetch in the apartment. Usually by 8ish, I meander over to the gym, do an hour of cardio and an hour of strength training and somewhere around 10:00-10:30pm, I'm ready to head home. Shower, eat, lounge around and its bed time some time between 12-1am. I dream some and probably do some other not-so-graceful things in my sleep and . . . start all over.
I know, without reading that, it sounds a little depressing. And I am not in a depressed mood by any means. Its just the reality.
And a recent lunch conversation with a coworker shed a lot of light on the staleness I feel on a day-to-day basis. I shared that I was not unhappy by any means, there was nothing going wrong in life, but I just felt like life was stagnant. I wasn't excited to face the day nor was I gratified at the end of the day, that I had done something worthwhile, touched someone's life. And maybe I cannot have that every single day? But I'm not sure I remember the last time I felt that way. And that troubles me. I'm not okay with that.
She posed the simple question, "well, what makes you happy?"
Simple, right? She asked it so nonchalantly, like the answer should be on the tip of my tongue. I was left speechless, an nearly two weeks later, I'm still not sure of the answer. That isn't so much of an issue, the issue is that it is so important to me, yet, in two weeks time, I have not given myself the time to think through the question. Shame on me.
I don't expect to dedicate an hour or even a day and realize the key to happiness, but I would bet almost anything, that if I allowed myself to the time to think about it, and more importantly, write about it, I would get a better understanding than I have today.
Maybe I'll do that this weekend.