(no subject)
Before we hang up the phone, he always asks, "Is it okay if I call you tomorrow?"
Is it okay if I get scared at the fact that he might actually be a nice guy? Although I have never been one for relationships, I have always seem to find myself into some not so healthy hap-hazard ones. A guy that was nice to me when it was just him and I, not in front of other people. A guy that treated me like a princess for a month, and then never called again when I did not give him what he wanted. And multiple guys that have dated me, when "accidentally" not telling me about their significant other. This all leaves me wondering, what is this guys flaw? In what exact way is he going to hurt me?
Granted, this may be a lil' thing that dies down sooner than later. But it is not about this guy or any other particular individual. It is about how skeptical I am. I always claim that I am ready, I am ready to open up my heart to someone, but am I? Should I have to be? Actually, why should I have to be when it has always back-fired in the past? Some gurls do attract nice boys, I do not happen to be one of them. My mother must think her daughter is boy-crazy, since this entire gender always seems to be with topic of conversation, but she could not be farther from the truth in some ways. I do not know.
Ya know, when I was in Shanghai, Huy had said to me in conversation that whenever anyone asks me a question, the very first words out of my mouth are always, "I don't know." He said, "Sometimes, you don't even let people finish the question."
I would love to love someone, but I am not sure that I can. I want to believe that I am able to, yet my history does not prove so. This seems like a sillie thing to even waste time pondering over. What is meant to be will be, so if I end up like one of the Sex in the City gurls, just freely living in her own apartment in the middle of NYC, then that is meant to be.
Mission Paper: completed.
Is it okay if I get scared at the fact that he might actually be a nice guy? Although I have never been one for relationships, I have always seem to find myself into some not so healthy hap-hazard ones. A guy that was nice to me when it was just him and I, not in front of other people. A guy that treated me like a princess for a month, and then never called again when I did not give him what he wanted. And multiple guys that have dated me, when "accidentally" not telling me about their significant other. This all leaves me wondering, what is this guys flaw? In what exact way is he going to hurt me?
Granted, this may be a lil' thing that dies down sooner than later. But it is not about this guy or any other particular individual. It is about how skeptical I am. I always claim that I am ready, I am ready to open up my heart to someone, but am I? Should I have to be? Actually, why should I have to be when it has always back-fired in the past? Some gurls do attract nice boys, I do not happen to be one of them. My mother must think her daughter is boy-crazy, since this entire gender always seems to be with topic of conversation, but she could not be farther from the truth in some ways. I do not know.
Ya know, when I was in Shanghai, Huy had said to me in conversation that whenever anyone asks me a question, the very first words out of my mouth are always, "I don't know." He said, "Sometimes, you don't even let people finish the question."
I would love to love someone, but I am not sure that I can. I want to believe that I am able to, yet my history does not prove so. This seems like a sillie thing to even waste time pondering over. What is meant to be will be, so if I end up like one of the Sex in the City gurls, just freely living in her own apartment in the middle of NYC, then that is meant to be.
Mission Paper: completed.