3 hours left of my 30th year

[angelicalangie]

This is the first time I have felt retrospective over passing into a new year. I actually liked being 30, it was a completely transitional year for me. I feel like I changed, I feel like a lot of the things that hurt me, my mum's passing, my dads abusive assholery have been put to one side and the real me is emerging.

This year I have;

• Got my flat sorted
• Gone through therapy (who would have thought 8 sessions would turn a long standing appointment with depression into something I could counteract and say au revoir to?)
• Dealt with my other half being away for 3 and a half months (I don't recommend doing it, but I grew stronger and more confident - hell I did my therapy during that time and his absence helped me focus on myself and my confidence and assertiveness)
• Gone to the Olympics (I was up with the "not for the likes of us" attitude thanks to my dad.) I saw Tawkwondo - which I loved, what other sport gives you full marks for kicking someone in the head!
• Become a happier person
• Begin the process for moving away from my current flat could be a year or so before I get out, but (shrug)
• Move away from the whole "I need to be accepted" mindset - yup this is a big one

The one thing I am aware of is that I haven't been as big a participant in fandom as I have been, and it does make me really sad, but it is a reflection of the fact that I hav been both busy doing things, but also really content with myself and spending time away from the computure and just mellowing out with reading and music.

I dunno if I will return to fandom in the manner I was - if I ever was into it as some here are (I was too shy to say hi to so many authors, or even to comment at one point and I am so sorry for that.

But, I am now looking forward to a positive future and embracing what opportunities come my way each day because part of my therapy was to be mindful; living in the now and actively saying "why not?" to a lot of different things. It definitely helps, that and learning not to self-censor myself with "That's supid." or "I'm an idiot" I am learning to trust my ideas and creativity and that is such an amazing feeling! I never needed to find myself, I just needed to trust myself!

So what am I up to?

• I have the olympics for definite on the 30th (wheelchair basketball - possibly supporting team GB women's team!!! Go Team GB) and the 5th (all day 7-a-side-footall and hopefully finals wheelchair tennis) as well as a date in amongst this for finals athletics sweet
• Then I have a date with the Bard - me and my best friend are heading to the Globe to see "As You Like It" which is one of his comedies.
• Then we are off to Cardiff at the end of September for a girls weekend away

I think I may need to sleep for a month, but oh well

Wonder how October will shape up? Hell how will 31 continue - because I am starting as I mean to continue!