(no subject)
well, it is getting ready to storm really bad. don't get me wrong, i love storms, and i love being out in the rain. but for some reason it just doesn't feel the same. i am not as happy of it coming in than i am usually. maybe its because she isn't here and i haven't seen her since sunday. i don't know... now i am just wondering if she is asleep, or if she is awake and awaiting the storm like i am. she is probably asleep though, she sounded very tired when i was talking to her earlier. i haven't been able to fall asleep early for a very long time now. over a year actually. i have simply kind of become a night owl. even when i know that i am supposed to be asleep by 11 on some nights, i can't fall asleep until about 3 in the morning. i guess its my curse, maybe someday it will be broken. i worked at the eastgate pizza hut today. it sucked major dick. it was boring as hell and the crew wasn't as interesting as cumberland. cumberland was a far better store for me to work at considering that the oldest person on my crew at cumberlant was 21. tonight the oldest person was about 30 to 40 years old. he had a major speech impetement too. his name was steve, so of course i was thinking about the crew person that i worked with at rushville that we all called stevie who also had a speech impetement. today was supposed to be my day off, but i came in for them because the store manager was working 70+ hours a week. i figured she needed a day off, and i needed to kiss some ass to set up for my future with the company. i figure if you kiss enough ass, you can get pretty far with higher up people. it worked for school, why wouldn't it work for my job. but i probably won't go back to that store though because it was so boring and uninteresting. i would go back to cumberland though. that crew was awesome. i talked today to dougie mac. didn't talk for long, but it was a meaningful conversation. he asked me a question, and i honestly don't know the answer to it. i was told once that dreams don't come true. i laughed, looked at the person who said it, and with the most straight face i could make, told him, "some do!" and that is the truth. my dream was to be with someone who i could share everything with and not be afraid to do anything around her. someone who makes me so comfortable, that i could fall asleep in her arms. someone where almost every moment we spend together, there won't be fighting/arguing, but just the peace of mind that we will be there for eachother. a person that is happy to see that i am alive as i am to see her alive. a person where when i am around her, all the problems would fade to the background to eliminate my stress level. now even though i am not officially with her, all of those things are still holding true. i care for her, and she cares for me, do we really need anything more right now? we are satisfied with the way things are right now, why do we have to be "officially together"? why does everybody think that we should be boyfriend and girlfriend? now don't get me wrong, i would love to actually be able to call her my girlfriend. but like i said, i am happy that she is there for me in the first place. there was a time where i couldn't even talk to her due to heartache. but that is behind me now, and i am going to enjoy every last breath that i get to take with her. i fucked up in the past, and i took it all for granted and ended up alone. now if i end up alone, i will have something to look back to and say, i am glad that we are friends. because isn't that what love truly is about, a very strong and truthful friendship? without friendship being a strong foundation, how could a house of love be built? someone once told me that i was a major dreamer. well, i am, but my dreams do come true most of the time. and with her, one of them came true, i am not alone, and i never will be again, because i know, that she will be there for me, even if she is committed with someone else in the future.
raven
raven