(no subject)
Me and Robbie had a huge fight last night.
He thinks it isn't fair to me to stay in this relationship because he doesn't think he can give me the time he needs. He is work 6 days a week 12 to 17 hours a day and he will be for like a year or two, and for some it will be 7 days a week. And I support him in this because he loves it and every night he comes home gleming about a sale he made.
What he doesn't understand is that what is un fair is the fact that I refuse to give up. I refuse to throw in the towel, break up with him, move on with life and even maybe move back to Cali. I heard the best things in the world are hard and if you quit everytime something gets hard than you are nothing better than a loser. Well, for the first time in my life I have pushed myself to the limit in all ways possible to succeed.
I finally have dreams to fufill. I finally have goals, daily goals to complete and look forward to. I refuse to just let him say "This isn't fair to you, I am gonna hurt you, you need to find someone who has time for you." Because that is the last thing I fucking need right now. What I need is to let this strange opptimistic side of me flouish at all costs. And I know how to do it. I havn't admitted to him but the fact that he is gone most of the time is a good thing for me. I like to have my alone space. I like to have a life outside of him. And just because I have hit a brick wall on every single fucking attempt to do that in this city doesn't mean I am gonna stop.
I firmly believe that once I am away from the complex I am now in, where they are poisioning me mentally. I will be able to move on... and if I can't find a job I'll just enroll in school full time. I just need to keep things together until next monday. Then I can go to somewhere that people arn't trying to break me down.
I am so tired of the shit talk about Robbie.
"On of these days, when you are married and have kids Robbie is going to beat you and rape you and your children and I am afraid you won't have the strength to get up from it and leave him. You will end up worse than your mother did. He is going shit all over you."
I am so close to telling her fuck off, you don't know my man, you don't know me. Robbie is the first person that has made me happy and positive, now if that is gonna kill me, let it. But I havn't because we stay at her place...
And I need to find a way to tell Robbie all this. I just refuse to give up and go back to Sacramento without him.
He thinks it isn't fair to me to stay in this relationship because he doesn't think he can give me the time he needs. He is work 6 days a week 12 to 17 hours a day and he will be for like a year or two, and for some it will be 7 days a week. And I support him in this because he loves it and every night he comes home gleming about a sale he made.
What he doesn't understand is that what is un fair is the fact that I refuse to give up. I refuse to throw in the towel, break up with him, move on with life and even maybe move back to Cali. I heard the best things in the world are hard and if you quit everytime something gets hard than you are nothing better than a loser. Well, for the first time in my life I have pushed myself to the limit in all ways possible to succeed.
I finally have dreams to fufill. I finally have goals, daily goals to complete and look forward to. I refuse to just let him say "This isn't fair to you, I am gonna hurt you, you need to find someone who has time for you." Because that is the last thing I fucking need right now. What I need is to let this strange opptimistic side of me flouish at all costs. And I know how to do it. I havn't admitted to him but the fact that he is gone most of the time is a good thing for me. I like to have my alone space. I like to have a life outside of him. And just because I have hit a brick wall on every single fucking attempt to do that in this city doesn't mean I am gonna stop.
I firmly believe that once I am away from the complex I am now in, where they are poisioning me mentally. I will be able to move on... and if I can't find a job I'll just enroll in school full time. I just need to keep things together until next monday. Then I can go to somewhere that people arn't trying to break me down.
I am so tired of the shit talk about Robbie.
"On of these days, when you are married and have kids Robbie is going to beat you and rape you and your children and I am afraid you won't have the strength to get up from it and leave him. You will end up worse than your mother did. He is going shit all over you."
I am so close to telling her fuck off, you don't know my man, you don't know me. Robbie is the first person that has made me happy and positive, now if that is gonna kill me, let it. But I havn't because we stay at her place...
And I need to find a way to tell Robbie all this. I just refuse to give up and go back to Sacramento without him.