feeling lost!

[angelic_asian]

im so lost in my life! it seems like everything to me doesn't come easy. sometimes i just wanna just screw it and just leave. i have to admit i do think about killing myself. its just i dunno. jus that i think of myself of a person just covering up the real me. sometimes i act a certain way becuz i jus hate myself at that certain time or becuz i think the real me is boring. im so boring. there is like nothing good about my life. ppl think " a lot of guys like" one time a gurl even admitted to me that she is jealous of me becuz ive been out with so many guys. the reason why i have a lot of boyfriends: one becuz i like them...but also(and ive jus learned this)becuz im trying to find comfort and caring traits becuz i don't recieve it from my dad. my dad jus doesn't care. he always ask o wats ur age again or wat grade r u or ur sis goes to ur skool. my dad like doesn't knoe shit about me. i like my mom but she ain't always there to tell stuff. whenever i go over to his house its always about my mom not about maressa and i. like the only reason we they is becuz of mommy...like than why are maressa and i going also. all i do there is veg and watch tv.

all my close friends know my story about my life, but other ppl don't and they should. other ppl i have to say that are not part of the very close friends of mine don't realli go through the same bullshit. im not going to say who. im also afraid somehing horrible is goin to happen to me such as suicide. but the thing im so sacred of is one of friends adding up dead. i just hate thinking about it. thats another thing i think too much that i come up with weird and scary senarios. its so hard for me to deal with this shit and i fucking hope someday afta teenage hood it will go away. if anyone has any comments feel free to leave one.

(don't mind some of the spelling mistakes im very upset)

Luv your confused, upset, depressed, unreal,
Leanna.