applying myself
Okay, I can't think of anybody who actually likes filling out job applications, but it seriously humbling to fill out all these different forms that pinpoint exactly how uneducated you are. It's almost funny how inadequate you feel when you can't remember the phone number of the place you worked seven years ago. The thing that kills me most is filling out how much higher education you've had since high school. All that time thinking that I had all the time in the world, when in actuality you have anything but. Time flies, and now it's not just when you're having fun.
I know I will find my footing again, but I'm still kind of in shock. I almost gave myself another panic attack a few days ago. I went back up to the store to pick my last check and all the hurt and anger and rage welled up. Never mind that I grew to despise my job. It was still my job. It was my job and they had no right to take it from me. I don't give a shit about legal matters. Fuck them. I had to work with some of the most unhinged people and it scarred me at least a little. I haven't really cried or, aside filling out job applications, I haven't done much of anything. I'm just kind of hiding away. It wasn't my fault, but it really doesn't erase the shame. I am so restless.
I know I will find my footing again, but I'm still kind of in shock. I almost gave myself another panic attack a few days ago. I went back up to the store to pick my last check and all the hurt and anger and rage welled up. Never mind that I grew to despise my job. It was still my job. It was my job and they had no right to take it from me. I don't give a shit about legal matters. Fuck them. I had to work with some of the most unhinged people and it scarred me at least a little. I haven't really cried or, aside filling out job applications, I haven't done much of anything. I'm just kind of hiding away. It wasn't my fault, but it really doesn't erase the shame. I am so restless.