a letter to paris hilton
Dear Paris,
I hear that you've gotten into some trouble lately, namely in the form of a 45-day jail sentence. How, that is rough. Seriously, that is really a bad break. They can't send you to prison. You are too much of a kind, caring, generous soul for that place. The public needs you. America needs you. I need you.
Don't worry, karma is a very real thing. You will definitely get what you deserve in all due time.
Sincerely,
Me
Okay, that was the good twin talking. Now here's what the bad twin has to say:
Paris,
There have been many times that you have pissed me off, and I have remained silent. No more. Dumbass, you drove DRUNK. More than once!!! You could have killed someone, you alcoholic twit. Not wearing panties and not having a designated driver are two very different things. You deserve to go the slammer, and for longer than 45 days. I guess it would have been a little too much to ask for that you would use whatever small amount of class that you possess and appeal the decision quietly. You want a pardon from the governor? Are you kidding me? Death row inmates don't get pardons from the governor, why should you? Oh, that's right, because you are Paris Hilton! Making you take responsibility for your actions is very uncalled for. You're afraid for your life? Not nearly as afraid as we are when you get on the road to party or every time they announce another season of the Simple Life. You know what? I don't feel sorry for you, and neither does anyone else with half a brain. People need a respite from you, and I think jail is a wonderful place for you to give us just that.
Me
P.S. Interwebz, stop creating online petitions for Paris. If you are going to do that sort of thing, do it for something that matters, not for some self-involved skank who is guilty as charged and probably can't even spell petition.
I hear that you've gotten into some trouble lately, namely in the form of a 45-day jail sentence. How, that is rough. Seriously, that is really a bad break. They can't send you to prison. You are too much of a kind, caring, generous soul for that place. The public needs you. America needs you. I need you.
Don't worry, karma is a very real thing. You will definitely get what you deserve in all due time.
Sincerely,
Me
Okay, that was the good twin talking. Now here's what the bad twin has to say:
Paris,
There have been many times that you have pissed me off, and I have remained silent. No more. Dumbass, you drove DRUNK. More than once!!! You could have killed someone, you alcoholic twit. Not wearing panties and not having a designated driver are two very different things. You deserve to go the slammer, and for longer than 45 days. I guess it would have been a little too much to ask for that you would use whatever small amount of class that you possess and appeal the decision quietly. You want a pardon from the governor? Are you kidding me? Death row inmates don't get pardons from the governor, why should you? Oh, that's right, because you are Paris Hilton! Making you take responsibility for your actions is very uncalled for. You're afraid for your life? Not nearly as afraid as we are when you get on the road to party or every time they announce another season of the Simple Life. You know what? I don't feel sorry for you, and neither does anyone else with half a brain. People need a respite from you, and I think jail is a wonderful place for you to give us just that.
Me
P.S. Interwebz, stop creating online petitions for Paris. If you are going to do that sort of thing, do it for something that matters, not for some self-involved skank who is guilty as charged and probably can't even spell petition.