An annoyance
So what the fuck is with the damn advertisements that pop up every time I sign on? I haven't really cared usually, because I could just close the window, but for the first time I actually had to watch the fucking ad. I'm like, really REALLY annoyed XD Also, I am kind of annoyed that I can't masturbate <.<;; Seriously, I can't watch porn like, at all. I can't remember the last time I had an orgasm XD. But here's the thing: I have no interest in anything sexual right now. I really don't. After feeling the way I did about Vic for so long, I can't go back to just... Pleasure without intimacy... It just seems so... Useless. I HATED that with Sam... The last couple months of our relationship the sex was so... Bad. I mean, I may as well've been jerking off. At least jerking off is fun XD But seriously, I think I need a serious relationship before my sex drive will kick back on... So that's what I'm gunna have to do then, huh? Well... I'm at least trying to branch out :/ I'm not afraid to talk to people. OH speaking of talking to people, Josh introduced me to the guys he plays airsoft with. And they're all really cool :) Greg, who is like the leader of the airsoft team, is pretty awesome. I might just go out with them this Saturday ^_^ And Saturday night I think Evan, me and Kelli are going network diving together. Which would be awesome. Because last week was just amazing. It was so intense. HOLY SHIT I never wrote about that XD Okay: So after I talked to Kate last Saturday and that was all epic, I went out driving around with Evan because he had some music that he wanted to listen to. And it was really, really cool stuff ^_^ I liked it a lot. But I let him drive Lulu because I was tired and he wanted practice XD so we go out, and we dive into the... Somewhere? I have no idea where we actually went, but it was fucking awesome. He took his camera and took a ton of pictures some of which are now up on facebook. But here is the really intense part: He put on this song by Hybrid. And it was so... I don't even know. It fit the situation perfectly, and I was tired, so I tranced out for about 2 minutes. During this time I remember thinking about my emotions, and I just let them go. I named each one individually and my whole body was tingling. Then I thought "GO!" and you know in Donnie Darko when the people are walking around with the water stuff coming out of their chest, their "time line" so to speak? That's the imagery I got. My emotions were coming out of my chest and they were spinning and weaving out in front of me. They were all different colors, but the same color. It's really weird, and you probably think I'm insane XD But it's what I saw in my head. It was just fucking insane. One of the most spiritual experiences I have ever had in my life. I had a similar experience when I was running the other night. I went out and put on Modest Mouses' the Moon and Antarctica. Which is an amazing CD in this situation. I again, just tranced out. For a long time. I don't remember the run at all, but it was at least 20 minutes XD But I got some very vivid imagery. I had a similar experience in the beginning of my emotions coming out of my chest again lol but after that I was orbiting the Moon for a while... And I was like "this is boring" and all of a sudden I was standing in Antarctica with the Moon almost within touching distance, it seemed. My physical body evaporated and I was a swirling mist... Think Life Stream from Final Fantasy VII. That's kinda what it/I looked like. And I though "But I can't do this alone" and There was another "mist" entity there and we twirled together and disappeared into the Moon. It was like a dream. It really was. But it was so vivid... I didn't make any of that up. I just had some crazy imagery O.o It was so fucking awesome. That's the kind of thing I want to share with people. I want people to experience things the way I do. There is no explanation for how something like that makes you feel... It was just... Intense... And just about everyone I've ever met is grounded in what they think is "reality"... ::sigh:: So I told Kate about this experience I had while I was running and this is why I loved this girl XD She says: "I'm realizing there's way more to you than I though lol XD" And I asked "In a good way? Or bad way? Or weird way? XD" and she says "More like an interesting way. Like honestly, when I didn't really know you I though you were just some really chill guy who played the drums and was really cool. But now that we've had conversations, and you're telling me this, I think there's more to you and it's rather exciting lol XD" For whatever reason, every time she talks to me, she makes me happy XD But in all honesty... I have no interest in her romantically... It's weird, like I don't think we would work even if my brother wasn't dating her :/ So i really cherish what we have ^_^ it's pretty fucking awesome lol I really like making new friends... I should do this more often XD Wow... This turned out to be longer than I intended and I didn't even get to the part about my teacher today, which rocked hardcore, too. And I've thought so much after our meeting, and there is so much more I have to say now. But I can barely keep my eyes open o.- So I'm gunna go to bed now. Good night.
-It's all relative.
-It's all relative.