(no subject)
Everything fucking blows right now. I've had enough. I'm seriously about to break and I don't know how to stop it. All I do now is cry and hurt myself. I'm not good enough for anyone. I'm nothing. Everybody ignores me. It's like I'm invisible to the world unless I fuck something up. I'm a mistake. I'm surprised somebody hasn't kill me yet. Brad and I have been fighting a lot lately about stupid things, mainly about Christie though. I wish he could understand why it hurts me so much. The thought of him cheating on me makes me sick and it is always in the back of my mind. (internal voice)" I wonder if Christie is all over Brad right now and does Brad even remember that I exist?" The whole Christie thing is ruining my relationship with Brad. I'm constantly crying and hating everyone. I wish Brad would stand up to Christie and tell her that he is with me and that she needs to leave him alone. That would make my life so much easier but of course that will never happen. Brad still has feelings for her which is messed up. Also, Brad would rather make me cry and be mad at him than upset Christie. I'm quite surprised that he has not broken up with me so he could be with her. Maybe he wants me around so if Christie won't give him what he wants he can get it from me. This week just keeps getting worse. Yesterday, some girl hit me in the face. It hurt a lot and I have a cut on my lip but I'll survive. I always do. Sometimes I wish I wouldn't though. It would probably be for the best........