beginning of break blues
you know you do it too... you come home for a break, &the first few days, your family has things scheduled for you - not the most amazing things in the world to do, but people to see, places to go, etc... and while you're catching up w/all those people you feel just fine... but then you get back to your house and you're hungry. what is there to make? well, there's some deli meat but no good cheese; there are eggs, but you're sick of eggs because you eat them @the caf all the time... after spending far too much time miserably deliberating what to eat and convincing yourself to make it, you're finally ready to eat, so you go to the tv room [to have some entertainment while you eat, see] only to discover that the best thing on is an infomercial for those new george foreman grills... you've already seen everything in your family's dvd collection twice except mulan 2 [which wasn't too bad, actually]...
you know what i'm saying? maybe it's just me, but this time of break - when you're just home, and not everybody else is... when the high point of your day is watching a movie [partly because it was a good one, but partly because the plot was so much more engaging than anything you've been into all day!]... when you're not doing anything with your time except stalking people on facebook - but then you look ahead to the rest of break, and there's just not much schedulable time left, &you have all these friends you want to see, and how are you going to get to see all of them - you'll just hafta trust in God on that one - and you're already thinking about next semester and about exciting things to come later in the break... when you feel like you're just going through the motions a lot of the time, as opposed to being really invested in what you're doing... when you feel smaller than nothing because it takes twice as long [and a really frustrated "i'm lost!" phone call] to get to places that you know where they are, because construction is happening and so much has changed since you last were home...
i dunno. there's a glimpse into claire's head right now. note: i've had no society w/people of my own generation [save my sister, and most of that was spiderman 2 and a tickle fight] all day except from a terribly exciting phone call from susanna during which she screamed in my ear... and stuff. that's been pretty much the high point of my break. i truly am thrilled about that. but otherwise... i guess some sort of grieving process is normal... not that i haven't already told myself that i need to stop psychoanalyzing myself &just experience things...i s'pose it's more of a grief in concept than in reality... it's further frustrated by the realization that, while i would love to get married shortly and raise a family, i really don't want to settle down just yet. i've got that wanderlust of youth - combined with such a strong desire to just be a wife and mother! but i don't think i'm there yet... i don't feel like i'm there yet, but i still want to work towards it, you know? ...and there are so many things that're just so /nice/ about a relationship! i miss that...
i hope he's doing okay. he's got it worse than i do, emotionally speaking. that's about as far in-depth as i'll think about it though. figure i shouldn't.
on another issue: i cannot seem to get myself into the Christmas shopping spirit. i just feel no desire to frustrate myself by trying to buy things for people who just want my love! for my sister, maybe, because i know she enjoys stuff so much. but my parents, grandparents, etc? what the heck do they want? quality time, that's all... and i give them that. so what's left? i dunno. i s'pose i'll figure it out eventually. but for now, i'm just not all that into Christmas shopping. it's probably a phase. it's likely influenced by the amazingness of the Adventmarkts and Kristkindlmarkts at which i shopped last advent, that aren't around on this half of the world. ah, well. such is life.
perhaps i'll muse here later on what the heck i might do after i graduate from steubenville. also about qaf, and how she just might pop up again as a current player in my life. just in case you wanted some teasers.
you know what i'm saying? maybe it's just me, but this time of break - when you're just home, and not everybody else is... when the high point of your day is watching a movie [partly because it was a good one, but partly because the plot was so much more engaging than anything you've been into all day!]... when you're not doing anything with your time except stalking people on facebook - but then you look ahead to the rest of break, and there's just not much schedulable time left, &you have all these friends you want to see, and how are you going to get to see all of them - you'll just hafta trust in God on that one - and you're already thinking about next semester and about exciting things to come later in the break... when you feel like you're just going through the motions a lot of the time, as opposed to being really invested in what you're doing... when you feel smaller than nothing because it takes twice as long [and a really frustrated "i'm lost!" phone call] to get to places that you know where they are, because construction is happening and so much has changed since you last were home...
i dunno. there's a glimpse into claire's head right now. note: i've had no society w/people of my own generation [save my sister, and most of that was spiderman 2 and a tickle fight] all day except from a terribly exciting phone call from susanna during which she screamed in my ear... and stuff. that's been pretty much the high point of my break. i truly am thrilled about that. but otherwise... i guess some sort of grieving process is normal... not that i haven't already told myself that i need to stop psychoanalyzing myself &just experience things...i s'pose it's more of a grief in concept than in reality... it's further frustrated by the realization that, while i would love to get married shortly and raise a family, i really don't want to settle down just yet. i've got that wanderlust of youth - combined with such a strong desire to just be a wife and mother! but i don't think i'm there yet... i don't feel like i'm there yet, but i still want to work towards it, you know? ...and there are so many things that're just so /nice/ about a relationship! i miss that...
i hope he's doing okay. he's got it worse than i do, emotionally speaking. that's about as far in-depth as i'll think about it though. figure i shouldn't.
on another issue: i cannot seem to get myself into the Christmas shopping spirit. i just feel no desire to frustrate myself by trying to buy things for people who just want my love! for my sister, maybe, because i know she enjoys stuff so much. but my parents, grandparents, etc? what the heck do they want? quality time, that's all... and i give them that. so what's left? i dunno. i s'pose i'll figure it out eventually. but for now, i'm just not all that into Christmas shopping. it's probably a phase. it's likely influenced by the amazingness of the Adventmarkts and Kristkindlmarkts at which i shopped last advent, that aren't around on this half of the world. ah, well. such is life.
perhaps i'll muse here later on what the heck i might do after i graduate from steubenville. also about qaf, and how she just might pop up again as a current player in my life. just in case you wanted some teasers.