A Walk to Remember - Part 2
A Walk To Remember - Part 2
Written for wumyeons
A Walk to Remember - Part 1
One thing that Kris knew was both his strength and weakness was his stubbornness.
He won a basketball tournament once because he told himself and the coach that the sprain in his ankle was nothing to be worried about. He got his position at the student council because he kept pushing people into helping him. He once gained a girlfriend for quite a long time because he didn’t stop chasing her even though she told him to. He had a pretty peaceful life because even though his father kept pushing him to contact his mother, he stood his ground and didn’t.
This time, he was going to use this particular trait of his to his advantage. He asked Meitao, who was fluent in flower language since her parents owned a florist, to give him advice on how to express his feelings through flowers. Initially, if she was to refuse, he was going to force her to do it for him, but after he told her how he really felt for Junhee, she became emotional and forced him to accept her help (and then he left the premises because she started to cry on his brother’s shoulder. Awkward.)
He just hoped that she was not allergic to flowers.
He put one flower in Junhee’s locker every morning. He came to school the first thing in the morning so that no one would see him with a flower. Because he decided that red rose was too obvious, he opted for a red tulip on the first day, which meant a declaration of love. He saw that she gave no reaction when she saw the flower in her locker. But she took it and brought it with her all day long, which was a good start, in Kris’ opinion.
He got smacked in the head by Meitao (and thanked God he was still alive) when he told her he wanted a flower that meant perfection. She told him that particular flower was very hard to find and he would have to pay more money than he thought he should ever pay for one lousy flower. As a compromise, Meitao managed to find a pink camellia hair pin (“it also means ‘I’m longing for you,’ Meitao said cheekily) and Kris was glad to see that Junhee wore the clip on her hair all day long.
After a week of various flowers (calla lily for beauty, a purple stock flower for ‘you’ll always be beautiful to me’) and getting no positive response from Junhee, Kris was starting to lose hope. He told Meitao to give Junhee three specific flowers; a full bloom red rose for ‘I love you’, a jonquil for ‘love me’, and a stork of purple gladiolus flowers for ‘give me a break, I’m really sincere.’ He also added a note that said to ‘meet me in the auditorium on your free period.’
So there Kris was, sitting in the middle of the stage in the auditorium, waiting for Junhee. The auditorium felt kinda spacious now that there were no sets in it. He remembered the first time he saw Junhee, how different she was than what he had thought of her. How bossy she was, how loud her shrill voice was when she yelled at him, how she actually praised him when he did a good job… how soft her lips were.
He was broken out of his daydream when his phone went off. He looked at the photo message that went up in the school’s LINE group (yes, starting from his year, he made it mandatory for the students to have LINE and be in the school’s group to make it easier for him to make announcements) and widened his eyes.
It was a photo of Junhee. Clad in nothing but bright red lingerie. It was quite clear that it was edited, but it was still inappropriate.
When he saw who uploaded it, he saw red. He ran out of the auditorium to the halls and saw that everyone was looking at their phones and laughing or looking scandalized. He ran down the hallway and looked everywhere he could see. When he saw Junhee being surrounded by a couple of boys he once called friends and a couple of cheerleading girls, he ran towards her.
He could hear them mocking her. He could see her looking down at her feet, and he didn’t know how, but he knew she was crying. He gritted his teeth.
“YAH!” Kris screamed. Everyone’s eyes went to look at him, and the hallway turned quiet.
“Oh, Kris! Have you seen the picture? Apparently the nerd isn’t so nerdy after all!” one of the boys said. Clearly, he wasn’t aware of the fumes that came out of Kris’ ears. Kris paid him no attention as he grabbed Junhee and pulled her to stand behind him.
“Kris…” he could hear Junhee call his name, but he didn’t care.
“Listen to me,” Kris said, in the most authoritative tone he could muster, “If I find any of you spreading that photo outside of this school, I will make sure that you drop out of school. Hell, if I find any of you still in possession of that photo, I’ll make sure that the principal knows,” Kris said. He narrowed his eyes, “and if I find the person who is responsible of editing that photo, I will end your life.”
He ended it at that and he put his arm around Junhee’s shoulder, walking her towards the auditorium. As they walked down the hallway, he could hear people whispering things, but he honestly didn’t care. Junhee was still crying, and it seemed that she didn’t know who was walking beside her or maybe she didn’t care because she didn’t fight him.
When they entered the auditorium, Kris made sure to lock the doors that led to the auditorium so that they wouldn’t be disturbed. Kris walked towards the stage, jumped so he sat on the edge of the stage, and waited for Junhee, who stood still in front of the auditorium door they entered from. From her shaking shoulders, he figured she was still crying.
“Don’t worry. I’ll find out who did this and let them get what they deserve. I promise,” Kris said. He honestly didn’t know what to say. He could only watch her back as she cried. Never in his life had he felt so powerless.
“…why?”
“Huh?”
“Why would you do that in front of everyone at school? Are you crazy?” Junhee asked as she turned around to look at him.
“Didn’t you understand the meaning of any of the flowers I sent you every morning? Or did you not hear what I said after the play was done?” Kris asked her. She blushed and looked away. Kris patted the spot beside him and said, “come here,” and was pleasantly surprised to see Junhee complying without complaining.
He reached for his pocket and handed Junhee a pressed red carnation, “here. You like books, don’t you? You can use this as a bookmark if you like.”
“What does this one mean?” Junhee asked.
Kris hesitated as he blushed. It was different than simply giving her a flower and having her find out the meaning herself. Now that he had to tell her what the meaning of the flower himself, he was getting embarrassed.
“…’my heart aches for you,’” he said with a blush on his cheeks, looking down to his lap. This was the first time he felt so embarrassed with what he had said and done that he couldn’t look into his companion’s eyes. But then he saw her hand putting the pressed flower on top of his lap. His heart might have broken a little.
“Do you know what a solid-colored carnation means?” Junhee asked suddenly. He could only shake his head. He could feel her hesitating slightly beside him, “…yes.”
“Huh?” Kris asked as he looked at his left, where Junhee was looking down to her lap. Did he hear correctly?”
“It means yes. I heard you loud and clear when you said you love me back then. I asked Meitao what the meaning of the flower was every time I got one from you. I still wear the camellia hair pin you gave me… I’m scared, but after seeing how stubborn you are, I’m willing to try this out,” Junhee said.
“Can I ask you something first?” Kris asked. She nodded, “why were you so adamant on rejecting me?”
He could see her biting her lower lip. When she released her lip, she said, “I’ll tell you one day, but not now. Just trust me.”
And that was what Kris planned to do.
***
Kris could feel the change in the air as he walked down the halls of the school with Junhee wrapped in one of his arms. People looked at them strangely, but none of them dared to comment. Kris liked it that way. He walked Junhee to her locker (not without complaints from the girl) and then he walked her to her first class before dashing towards his own locker and arrived at his first class by the skin of his teeth.
Kris didn’t dare to go farther than holding hands and wrapping his arm around her shoulders. The farthest he could go was to hug her, but only for a second. He couldn’t afford to lose her again. Somehow, Junhee caught onto his hesitation.
“Can you come over after school?” Junhee asked him after lunch a month after they started dating. Kris could only nod because he was too surprised by the offer. He didn’t mind it, even though that meant that he had to drop Junghae off at the hospital so she could visit Baekhyun and take Kyungmi home first for Jongin to score some points off of her. At first, Kris couldn’t understand why Jongin kept trying to get Kyungmi’s attention while she was obviously not interested in him, but after going through it himself, he could only cheer on him from the sidelines because he understood how it felt being head over heels for someone.
The Kim family house was not what Kris was expecting. He heard rumors that the Kim siblings were rich, but he didn’t know that it was real and that they were this rich. They lived in a house as big as a mansion in Apgujeong-dong, but compared to the other houses around the Kim family house, the other houses were much bigger than theirs. The other thing that Kris was surprised about was the lack of housekeeper in the Kim family house.
“Oh, we wake up super early on weekends and we distribute the chores among ourselves to clean the house. It was tiring, but it was a great time to spend with your family,” Junhee explained as she walked into the house. Jongin made his way to what Kris saw was a huge kitchen and he saw the younger boy take a deep gulp from a bottle of orange juice from the fridge. He figured Jongin would rather be left alone, leaving him with no choice but to follow Junhee.
When he realized that Junhee was about to enter a room that presumably was hers (if the sign with her name on it in front of the door was any implication), he hesitated in his steps. Junhee seemed to notice because before she opened the door to her room, she turned around.
“It’s okay, you can come in,” Junhee said with a smile. He couldn’t believe her. Kris didn’t even trust himself around her, why would she trust him to not do anything in her room?
Kris followed her in anyway.
The room was definitely Junhee; it was clean and neat, with a bed with purple and gold cover pushed into left-hand corner of the room, a big dolphin stuffed animal on top of it, a desk right next to the bed with a laptop on top of it, a big, organized bookshelf on the other side of the room, and a small table in the middle of the room on top of a soft-looking purple rug.
“You must like purple,” was the first thing Kris noted from looking around her room. The walls were painted lavender.
“How could you tell, Mr. Observant?” Junhee asked with a small smile, “You can sit, I’m gonna go change,” she said as she walked through a door that was located right next to the bookshelf, which he figured was a closet or a bathroom or possibly both. He put his bag down right next to the small table in the middle of the room and looked around. He had to admit that it wasn’t his first time being in a girl’s room, but this was definitely the most organized one.
He took a look at the bookshelf and found a lot of manhwa books, some of which were his favorites. He also saw a couple of photo albums, some school books, books about astronomy, and some medical books that looked familiar to him. He read the titles and most of the medical books were the ones he had seen in his father’s bookshelf back in Guangzhou: they were mostly about oncology.
“Found something interesting?” Junhee asked from behind him, making him jump. He could hear her snicker, but he only retaliated by messing her hair up.
“We have more in common than I thought we did,” Kris said.
“Oh, really?” Junhee asked with wide eyes. Kris nodded.
“Naruto is one of my favorite Japanese manhwas… and then I also have this book about galaxies, and I’ve seen a couple of these medical books in my dad’s bookshelf. Tried to read them but couldn’t understand a thing. Do you wanna be a doctor?” Kris asked. He didn’t realize that Junhee had tensed up.
“…not really. I’m just interested in it, but I don’t think I wanna be a doctor.”
“What do you wanna do then?”
“I have a lot of things I wanna do,” Junhee said. She walked towards her desk and took a piece of paper from on top of it. She sat down in front of the small table in the middle of the room and patted the spot beside her. Kris sat down beside her and peeked over her shoulder, “I made a list of things I wanna do before I die two years ago.”
“‘Get married in the same church as my parents’, ’Bungee jumping’, ‘Go to Namsan Tower’, ‘Be in two places at once’? You sure have great imagination,” Kris continued to scan the paper until he saw one thing already crossed out, “’Witness a miracle’… ’Get my first kiss’… that was your first kiss?” Junhee nodded with a blush on her face, “…sorry.”
“No, you don’t have to be!”
“Your first kiss should be special, not forced like I did to you,” Kris said.
“It was special. It was with you, so it was special,” Junhee said as her ears became red.
“Not gonna cut it with me,” Kris said as he moved her hair behind her ears and cupped her cheek, “you deserve better.”
Kris turned her face so she was facing him and leaned in, eyes slightly open to see Junhee’s reaction. When she closed her eyes, he advances and puts his lips softly upon hers. In his opinion, it was better than their real first kiss in the auditorium.
“Better?” Kris asked as he pulled away.
“Kris…” Junhee breathed out. It sounded too much like a moan, in Yifan’s opinion.
“Yifan,” Kris suddenly said so he wouldn’t have time to be affected by her breathy voice.
“Huh?”
“Wu Yifan. That’s my real name.”
“Wait, Kris Wu is not your real name?”
“No, it was a nickname I made after I arrived in Korea.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“I don’t know. Because you’re my girlfriend and I don’t want you to call me with the same name everybody does, I guess,” Kris - Yifan - said with a blush.
“Okay… Yifan,” Junhee said cautiously. Yifan nodded.
“I like that,” Yifan said as he looked into her eyes.
“Thanks for telling me that. And our first kiss was already special, you don’t have to ‘make it better,’” Junhee said, using air-quotes.
“Fine. But I personally like this kiss better than our previous one,” Yifan said. Junhee laughed as she shook her head. Yifan looked at her as she scanned her wish list once again, “Junhee-yah, let’s go to Namsan together.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. What time do you usually finish cleaning in the weekends?”
“Usually around 10 AM, why?”
“I’ll pick you up at 10.30 on Saturday and we’ll go to Namsan together. We’ll take the cable car for the full experience, how does that sound?” Yifan smiled when he saw her face light up even more at the mention of the cable cars.
“That sounds awesome, I can’t wait!”
“Good.”
***
It was Saturday, and Yifan was five minutes early. He was nervous, because if Junhee’s words were true, he had no other choice but to meet her parents. He didn’t bring anything because he was scared of being too cheesy, but now that he was standing right in front of the Kim family house’s door, he almost regretted coming empty handed. He took a deep breath and rang the bell.
“Coming!” said a female voice from behind the door that was unfamiliar to Yifan. He groaned and slapped himself on the forehead. Just his luck. The door opened and revealed a very beautiful woman who somewhat looked like Junhee, Junghae, and Jongin all at the same time that it threw him back a little, “Yes?”
“Um… I’m looking for Junhee…”
“Oh, you must be her boyfriend! Come in, honey, she’ll be with you in a while.”
“Oh, no, it’s okay, ma’am, I can wait here.”
“Nonsense. Junhee can take forever to get ready sometimes. Come in,” her tone left him with no choice but to comply, so he walked inside, albeit reluctantly. He followed Mrs. Kim into the living room and sat down after he was told to, “So… I’m curious. Where are you taking her?”
“Um… I heard that she’s always wanted to go to Namsan, so I thought it would be a good idea to take her there.”
“That’s very thoughtful! Thank you…”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I haven’t introduced myself! I’m Kris, Kris Wu.”
“Kris… you’re not Korean, are you?”
“No, mom, he’s Chinese-Canadian, and can you stop the interrogation?” Suddenly Junhee appeared beside her mother and once again Yifan was blown away by how much they looked alike.
“Oh, come on, honey, it’s the first time a boy has come to take you on a date! I have all the right to be a curious mother,” Mrs. Kim said as she ran a hand on Junhee’s arm, “Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“If you’re not feeling fine, tell him, okay? I don’t want you to push yourself.”
“I understand. Come on, Yifan,” Junhee said as she walked towards the front door. Yifan stood up and bowed towards Mrs. Kim and followed Junhee. After Mrs. Kim had closed the front door, Yifan walked towards his car and opened the passenger door for Junhee. She smiled at him and went inside the car, and Yifan ran towards the driver door and went inside the car.
“Are you not feeling well?” Yifan asked after he started the car, “If you are, we can take a rain check.”
“I’m fine. I promised mom I’ll tell you if I’m not.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise. Now let’s go! I wanna go to Namsan!” Junhee said excitedly. Yifan chuckled and drove his car out of the Kim family yard and made his way towards Namsan cable car station. When they arrived there, it wasn’t as crowded as Yifan thought it would be, but there were still a lot of people. They entered a cable car and Yifan watched affectionately as Junhee grew excited over everything she saw outside of the car.
After they got off the cable car, Junhee started dragging him every time she saw something beautiful. Yifan didn’t complain, so long as he could see the big smile on her face. They made their way to the tower, and in the elevator, as they watched the video on the roof of the elevator, Yifan linked his fingers through Junhee’s and for some reason, he knew she was blushing.
At the observation deck, Junhee excitedly pointed out that she could see Han River from up there.
“Usually when we have time, me, Junghae and Jongin would go there to cycle,” she said without pulling away from the telescope.
“Han River is also a great place for a date. They’ve got various kinds of restaurants down there. I’ll take you there sometime,” Yifan said. Junhee pulled away from the telescope and smiled at him.
“I can’t wait.”
They continued to the place where they could buy padlocks. Yifan was actually hesitating to go there, considering their relationship was still young, but what’s the point of going to Namsan Tower if you don’t buy padlocks?
“I really like this one,” Junhee suddenly said. She was pointing at a purple and white colored pair of padlocks with their respective keys.
“Huh, it’s purple. I should’ve known,” Yifan said. Junhee pouted at him, “Oh, come on. Don’t give me that look. I never said we can’t buy it.”
Junhee’s pout turned into a grin. She took the set of padlocks and walked towards the register. Before she could reach into her purse to get her wallet, Yifan took his first and paid for it.
“I can pay for that.”
“I asked you on a date. It’s on me,” Yifan said. He took the padlock from the cashier and turned to look at Junhee, who was, once again, pouting. He smiled softly, “I promise next time you can pay for everything if you want.”
“Fine. I’ll ask you on a date next time.”
“I can’t wait,” Yifan said, quoting her earlier. He borrowed two sharpies from the cashier and walked towards the tables while dragging Junhee with him. He gave one of the sharpies to Junhee and he sat down on one chair and started writing on his padlock. He wasn’t good at being cheesy (Junhee would beg to differ, considering the different flowers she received from Yifan), so he was a little stuck as to what to write. He decided to just write what he wanted.
吴亦凡 - 김준희
평생 함께 ♥
(Wu Yifan - Kim Junhee
Together forever ♥)
As cheesy as it was, it was sincere. He peeked at Junhee’s padlock and saw the words she wrote.
♥ 준희 - 이판 ♥
끝까지 함께하자
(♥ Junhee - Yifan ♥
Let’s be together until the end)
She wrote the words so carefully so that the ink didn’t stain the purple-colored heart in the middle of the white padlock. Unlike her, Yifan just wrote on the padlock without caring about the white-colored heart in the middle of his purple padlock.
“You done?” Yifan asked. Junhee nodded, “let’s lock it outside,” Yifan stood up from his seat and extended a hand towards Junhee, who grabbed it and intertwined their fingers together. They went and found a space that was big enough for both of their padlocks and locked them. Afterwards, they took pictures together and left the tower. They were inside the cable car when it happened.
The cable car was strangely, but thankfully, empty. Junhee was looking out the car when she suddenly grabbed her head, groaned, and lost her footing. Before her body touched the floor, Yifan was there to grab her.
“Junhee-yah? Junhee-yah! What’s wrong?!”
They were still so far away from the cable car station, and Junhee was so pale, Yifan wanted to hit himself for not noticing. His right arm was supporting Junhee’s body while his left hand reached for his pocket and took his phone out of it. He searched for Jongin’s number, slower because he had to use his left hand, and dialed it when he found it.
“Come on, Kim Jongin, pick up, pick up, pick up…” he muttered under his breath as he listened to the dial tone.
“Hello?” Jongin’s voice said when he finally picked up.
“Jongin-ah, Junhee passed out,” he decided to just cut to the chase, partly because they almost reached the cable car station, and mainly because he was panicking.
“WHAT?!”
“I’m taking her to the nearest hospital from Namsan…”
“Take her to Seoul Memorial,” Jongin cut him off.
“…fine. I’ll tell you when I get there,” he said as he hung up the phone. He pocketed his phone, took his car keys, and took Junhee in his arms, running off towards his car practically a second after the doors of the cable car opened. He pressed his car remote and a kind stranger thankfully opened the backseat car door for him. He laid Junhee down on the backseat and then he ran towards the driver’s seat.
Yifan was usually careful when it comes to driving; he never broke the speed limit and he always waited patiently at the traffic light. Today, obeying those rules was not an option. He needed to get Junhee some help, fast. After he arrived at Seoul Memorial Hospital, he stopped his car in front of the emergency room door and stepped off the car. He ran towards the emergency door and tried to find someone who looked like either a nurse or a doctor.
“Excuse me!” he said when he saw someone in doctor’s whites and grabbed the doctor’s arm, “My girlfriend suddenly passed out. She’s in my car. Please help her!”
The doctor nodded and ran with Yifan towards his car. He opened the backseat door and brought Junhee inside. He called Jongin that he was in Namsan Hospital and could only wait as the doctors check his girlfriend.
“Duìzhǎng!”
Yifan looked at the direction of the emergency room door and saw Jongin, Junghae, Mrs. Kim, and, presumably, Mr. Kim running towards him. He bowed towards the Kim parents and they bowed back.
“What happened, oppa?” Junghae asked.
“I don’t know… she didn’t say anything about being sick or anything, but when we were going down, she passed out in the cable car.”
“God, I knew she wasn’t in good shape…” Jongin muttered under his breath, but Yifan could still hear him.
“…what’s wrong with her?” Yifan asked to no one in particular, but still expecting an answer. He raised both of his hands in defense, “I practically forced myself into her life, so I don’t think I have the right to know, but still… she’s my girlfriend, and I like her very much. I just… wanna know what’s wrong with her.”
No one dared to look at him. Yifan tried to catch Jongin or Junghae’s eyes, but they avoided his gaze.
“Kris, please don’t think badly of us,” Mrs. Kim opened her mouth, “Junhee had told us not to tell you because she said she wanted to tell you herself. And she will, when she’s ready.”
“Sorry, hyung…” Jongin said, looking down at his feet. Yifan never realized that it was the first time Jongin had ever called him ‘hyung’.
“…why Seoul Memorial?” Yifan asked.
“All of Junhee’s medical record is here. It would be easier to treat her in a place where everyone’s familiar with her,” Mrs. Kim explained.
“So this is not the first time this happened?” Mrs. Kim shook her head. Yifan heaved a big sigh and ran a hand over his face. A couple of minutes later, a doctor came up to them.
“She’s fine. It was one of her dizzy spells, but she should take it easy today,” the doctor said, “She just woke up and asked for her boyfriend?”
Yifan looked at Junhee’s parents, and they nodded. He bowed at them and walked with the doctor. It was like déjà vu, seeing Junhee so helpless and vulnerable on top of a hospital gurney; just like the play. He sat down on the side of her bed where there was no IV drip and took her hand in his. Junhee turned her head to look at him and smiled weakly.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hi.”
“Sorry to scare you like that… I thought I would make it home before I pass out, but I guess the headache got the better of me.”
“It’s fine,” Yifan said as he squeezed Junhee’s hand. He wanted to ask, but he didn’t know how.
“You wanna know why I’m like this, don’t you?” Junhee asked, “It’s actually the same reason why I didn’t want you - or anyone, for that matter - to fall in love with me.”
Yifan looked straight into Junhee’s eyes and said, “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready.”
“I don’t think I’m ever gonna be ready, so might as well get it out now,” Junhee said, “Yifan, I’m… dying. I have leukemia and I’ve stopped responding to my treatments.”
Yifan honestly hoped to God he didn’t believe in that Junhee said it wrong or that he was hallucinating. There was no way that the tough girl who scared him the first time they formally met was dying of cancer. He would never wish that on his worst enemy, let alone the girl he loved.
“The doctors were too late in finding it; mainly because I was too stubborn to go to the hospital. When they found out two years ago, I was already at the third stage. I didn’t want people to know, so I told my parents and my siblings to treat me normally, like I was healthy. And now I’m going to ask you the same thing,” Junhee said as she squeezed his hand tightly, “Yifan, please, please don’t treat me like I’m dying. I kept my distance from people who may want to date me by acting like a stereotypical nerd because I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to get any special treatment, so I never told anyone. I had such a great time at our date today, and I wanted to keep you in the dark as long as I could, but you deserve to know.”
“…what do you want me to do, then?”
“Just treat me like you usually do. Don’t treat me like I’m sick; I’m fine,” Junhee said. Yifan hesitated. How was he supposed to act like everything was fine after finding out that his girlfriend was dying? But she looked at him with such desperation, that he couldn’t help but nod. Acting normal was worth the smile on her face. He kissed the back of her hand that he was holding.
“Okay.”
***
A couple of months after his date with Junhee at Namsan Tower, Yifan once again found himself in Seoul Memorial Hospital. He was not there for Junhee, though. He was standing right outside a door, taking deep breaths before knocking. When a male voice told him to come in, he opened the door and went inside.
“Kris Wu… for what do I owe the pleasure of your presence?” Baekhyun asked with the most sarcastic tone Yifan had ever heard. Now he knew why Junghae and Baekhyun were so good together; they were both sarcastic bastards.
“How’s your head?” Yifan asked.
“Fine, no thanks to you.”
Yifan sighed. He didn’t expect anything less from the victim of his crimes. He put the fruit basket Junhee and Junghae had helped pick on top of a table. He sat on the chair right next to the bed and lowered his head.
“Look… I’m sorry,” Yifan said as he looked down at his lap. He didn’t dare to look at Baekhyun.
“…huh?”
Yifan looked up and at Baekhyun, who looked perplexed. Yifan frowned.
“I said I was sorry.”
“…who are you and what have you done to Kris Wu? The Kris Wu I knew would never, I repeat, never apologize. He doesn’t know the word sorry even if it hit him in the face.”
“Well, the Kris Wu you knew wasn’t dating Kim Junhee yet.”
Baekhyun widened his eyes, “Junghae told me Junhee-noona was dating you; I thought she was kidding!”
Yifan frowned, “That’s offensive. Why wouldn’t she?”
“I mean, she never liked you! She always said how pretentious and dirty you are. She avoided you like a plague forever!”
“Now that’s super offensive. Do you even have a brain-to-mouth filter?”
“I only quoted Junhee-noona!” Baekhyun said with a pout. Yifan was silently glad that at least the atmosphere between them became more bearable than before, “…glad to see that she’s changed you for the better, though.”
“Same here,” Yifan said with a smile. He then stood up, “Well, that’s all I’m here for. Get well soon, Byun.”
“Yeah… thanks.”
Yifan smiled for the last time and left the room. He walked outside the hospital and smiled, “There, I did it. Now can we go where I wanna take you?”
Junhee smiled at him, “Fine. Lead the way, kind sir,” Junhee said as she took Yifan’s arm. Yifan smiled at her and walked with her towards his car. He opened the passenger seat door for her and went to the driver’s seat, “Where are we going?” Junhee asked.
“What did I say before we went to the hospital?”
“That it was a surprise.”
“Then wait,” Yifan said with a teasing smile. Junhee pouted but Yifan only laughed and drove. From the corner of his eyes, Yifan could see Junhee looking outside and looking back at him with a frown, but Yifan only smiled knowingly. He stopped his car after an hour of driving and parked it at the side of the road. He walked out of the car and opened Junhee’s door for her.
“Where are we?”
“You’ll know. Come here,” Yifan said as he dragged Junhee near a big stone near the car. He instructed her to stand facing the street with the rock behind her. Junhee was frowning the whole time Yifan told her to position her feet. Yifan smiled and said, “We’re in the border between Seoul and Gyeonggi-do. One half of your body’s in Seoul, and the other’s in Gwacheon.”
Junhee widened her eyes in realization, and then she burst out laughing, “Oh my God, I can’t believe you thought of that!” Junhee said. Yifan took a piece of paper from his pocket and a pen. He opened it and crossed ‘Be in two places at once’ from Junhee’s bucket list.
“We’re gonna spend all day today fulfilling your wishes,” Yifan said, looking straight at Junhee’s eyes, “I know you’ll feel like I’m giving you a special treatment because you’re sick, but I want you to know that even if I never find out about your illness, I’ll still do this. I’ll do everything in my power to fulfill everything you wish for.”
So they spent the day driving from one place to another (with Yifan asking every five minutes if she was okay; he stopped after she smacked the back of his head), crossing one thing from the bucket list as they go until what was left were two things on the list: ‘Get married in the same church as my parents’ and ‘witness a miracle’. Yifan was going to make sure that happened.
***
Yifan should never have let his guard down, otherwise, he wouldn’t have to stand in front of his father’s residence in Guangzhou, ready to put away all of his pride for the sake of one dying girl he loved more than his own life. It pained him to leave Junhee. He wanted to ask Sehun to go in his place, since his younger brother had better relationship with their father than he did, but he knew he had to do this alone.
“Yifan?”
“Lǎo bà…” Yifan said with bloodshot eyes. He couldn’t care less about how he looked after he cried ever since he left Junhee, who fainted at school, in the hospital. He could tell from the look on the doctor’s face that she was getting worse.
“What are you doing here?”
Yifan went straight to his knees and let another stray tear out, “Lǎo bà, please. I know I haven’t been a good son to you, but please… please help Junhee…”
His father was silent for a while, and then he said, “Lift your head up, son.”
Yifan lifted his head, but didn’t stand up from his position.
“Shixun told me everything,” his father said, “about you and your girlfriend, and her illness… even to this day, I couldn’t believe his words about how much you changed for that girl. But seeing you here, I can tell that she’s very precious to you, isn’t she?”
Yifan nodded, “…more than anything.”
“I know. You would never have thrown away your pride and go down on your knees and beg for my help if it wasn’t for her. I’ll have to thank her someday.”
They were silent for a moment.
“Yifan, I’ve called my colleague in Seoul Memorial yesterday. I’ve arranged a private home care for Kim Junhee. I’m going to pay for all of it.”
Yifan looked up straight into his father’s eyes in shock, “…are you serious?” to which his father only nodded. Yifan stood up and, for the first time in his teenage life, hugged his father tightly. He couldn’t remember the last time he enjoyed the warmth of his father’s body against his. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt the need of having his father beside him. Now he remembered. As he reminisced, he broke down in his father’s arms.
“I’m going to pay you back one day,” Yifan said to his father as he pulled away.
“Just make sure that you’re both happy, son. That’s all I can ask of you.”
***
It was a beautiful autumn day.
Wu Yifan was nervous; more than when he was about to face exams, or basketball tournaments, or spring festival play. He looked around the church and smiled. His wife-to-be made a great choice of choosing the church where her parents got married in for their own wedding; the place was beautiful.
His senses were filled with Kim Junhee the second he saw her being pushed in a wheelchair through the big wooden door.
He could only see her in her wedding dress, with her sickly pale face hidden underneath a veil as she tried her best to stand up from her wheelchair; he could only hear the heels of her shoes hitting the floor one by one as she took small, careful steps towards him in her very frail body with her father’s arm in hers; he could only feel his palms starting to sweat as he saw Junhee almost tripping; he could only smell the sweet smell of lavender, Junhee’s favorite flower, from her bouquet, as she reached his side in front of the minister.
She might not look as fierce as when he first met her, but in his eyes, she was still the strongest, most beautiful girl he had ever seen before in his life.
“You look beautiful,” Yifan whispered when their eyes met. Junhee smiled weakly at him.
“Let’s just get this over with, shall we? I’m kinda tired,” Junhee said pretty loudly. Yifan and the other attendees chuckled. She was still feisty even with the state of her body.
The minister nodded and proceeded with the ceremony. Yifan was only half listening to the minister’s words, as he was too focused on imprinting Junhee in his memory, as if she was going to disappear any moment. Somehow, he could still say ‘I do’ at the right time. He couldn’t control his smile when he heard the same words came out of Junhee’s mouth.
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Yifan carefully lifted the veil and gazed into the eyes he loved so much. He caressed his wife’s soft cheek with a careful hand, and then he leaned in to put a soft kiss on her mouth, which was reciprocated with her arms around his neck pulling him in deeper. When he pulled away, before she could protest, he lifted Junhee up in his arms and made his way outside the church. Even though she kept hitting his chest lightly, demanding to be put down, Yifan paid no heed to her complaints.
“Go throw your bouquet, darling,” Yifan said as he carefully set Junhee down.
“Are you going to go mushy on me now, sweetie?” Junhee asked, emphasizing on the pet name. She turned her back towards the crowd and closed her eyes. She threw her lavender bouquet backwards with all her might and laughed when she heard Meitao squeal and Sehun groan.
“Make an honest man out of my brother, Huang!” Yifan said as he lifted Junhee up once again to enter their wedding car. They laughed when Meitao flashed them an okay sign.
Yifan let Junhee rest her head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and kissed the crown of her head as the car sped up. When it stopped in front of their high school, Junhee frowned.
It had been a miracle that Junhee survived until her twentieth birthday. She was considerably weaker, but she never lost her will to live. Even Yifan’s father thought that it was a miracle she was still alive. The second she turned twenty, Yifan proposed to her. Yifan’s father was very much against the marriage, as he thought that Junhee didn’t have long to live, and in a short period of time, Yifan would be left alone. But after a long talk with his son, he eventually caved.
“What are we doing here?” Junhee asked as she was wheeled into the auditorium.
“I just wanna reminisce for a bit. It’s been a while since we’ve been here,” Yifan said. He wheeled her until they reached the stage and then he sat her down on the edge of the stage and let her lean her head on his shoulder once he sat beside her, “Do you remember when we first met?”
Junhee chuckled, “I do. I hated your guts.”
“Baekhyun said the same thing,” Yifan said. Junghae and Baekhyun had sung a beautiful duet as a wedding gift on their bachelor and bachelorette party (which Chanyeol had insisted on happening. Yixue also insisted on it - dating Chanyeol had been a bad influence on her, in Junhee’s opinion)
“He was always there whenever I rant about you. He even told me that eventually my hate would turn into love since I never stopped talking about you.”
“Well, he’s not wrong.”
“I’ve always kept you in a distance… because I don’t wanna get hurt. Now that the distance is gone, I’m still afraid.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t wanna hurt you. And I will.”
“…”
“Will you promise me something?”
“Anything.”
“I know that I’m going to hurt you eventually… will you forgive me?”
Yifan let the tears that were filling up his eyes fall. He tearfully kissed the top of Junhee’s head with all the love he could muster for her. He leaned his head on hers and nodded against it, “You don’t have to apologize for anything. Thank you for bringing me happiness.”
***
Four years had passed, and Yifan was now an intern in Seoul Memorial.
Two weeks after their marriage, Junhee finally succumbed to her illness in her sleep, with Yifan’s left arm as her pillow. Yifan sent her off with a smile, just like the one embedded forever in her eternal sleep when he woke up.
Before Junhee came into his life, Yifan didn’t know what to do with his life. He was not exactly the most diligent student, but he could brag about getting an A in a test with his own efforts. He wasn’t particularly interested in anything besides Junhee. But after Junhee’s illness grew worse, he started asking his father about oncology, and he figured that if he couldn’t save the love of his life, he might as well save other people’s.
And now, he was in front of Kim residence. After Junhee’s death, Mr. Kim had expressed his initial objection over their marriage, and asked Yifan for proof that he really loved her, even when Junhee wasn’t around anymore. Yifan had yet to visit that house again since their marriage, since he felt that he had nothing to prove.
But now, he could show his father-in-law that he was trying his hardest so that no one would end up like him, or like the Kim family, having lost someone very precious to them. Yifan felt so accomplished when he finally saw how proud Mr. Kim looked when he finished telling him what happened in his internship.
“I found this… in Junhee’s room,” Mr. Kim said as he pulled out a familiar piece of paper from his pocket. Junhee’s bucket list, “I noticed that there’s one thing she hasn’t crossed out here,” he said as he pointed towards ‘witness a miracle’ in the list.
Yifan looked down and scratched the back of his neck, “Yeah, I didn’t manage to fulfill that. I drew up a blank on that,” he said.
“…do you have a pen on you?”
Yifan frowned and handed his father-in-law the pen that never left his breast pocket. He frowned even deeper when Mr. Kim crossed out the ‘witness a miracle’ in Junhee’s list.
“I think… she’s seen a miracle, but she just didn’t realize it yet.”
“Pardon?”
“You, Yifan. I’ve heard stories about you from the PTA, since Junhee’s mother was also part of it. But the man I’m seeing right in front of me right now is not the boy who sent someone to the hospital because of a silly prank. I see a man who changed into a better person after meeting my daughter. I’d call that a miracle.”
Yifan made his way home after spending some more time with his father-in-law. He asked Mr. Kim for the bucket list and made his way towards a place that was way too familiar for his liking. When he found the tombstone with some wilted lavender on it, he smiled.
“I haven’t been here for a while, have I? I’m sorry,” he said as he replaced the flowers with new ones. For the first time since their wedding, Yifan smiled so wide, his gum showed. He pulled the now finished bucket list out of his pocket, laid it on top of Junhee’s tombstone, and said, “We’ve done it. All this time, we’ve actually finished the list. I wish you knew that your list was all done, but I think you know that already, right?”
Yifan looked up at the orange sky and closed his eyes when the wind blew. He smiled.
“…I love you.”
Written for wumyeons
A Walk to Remember - Part 1
One thing that Kris knew was both his strength and weakness was his stubbornness.
He won a basketball tournament once because he told himself and the coach that the sprain in his ankle was nothing to be worried about. He got his position at the student council because he kept pushing people into helping him. He once gained a girlfriend for quite a long time because he didn’t stop chasing her even though she told him to. He had a pretty peaceful life because even though his father kept pushing him to contact his mother, he stood his ground and didn’t.
This time, he was going to use this particular trait of his to his advantage. He asked Meitao, who was fluent in flower language since her parents owned a florist, to give him advice on how to express his feelings through flowers. Initially, if she was to refuse, he was going to force her to do it for him, but after he told her how he really felt for Junhee, she became emotional and forced him to accept her help (and then he left the premises because she started to cry on his brother’s shoulder. Awkward.)
He just hoped that she was not allergic to flowers.
He put one flower in Junhee’s locker every morning. He came to school the first thing in the morning so that no one would see him with a flower. Because he decided that red rose was too obvious, he opted for a red tulip on the first day, which meant a declaration of love. He saw that she gave no reaction when she saw the flower in her locker. But she took it and brought it with her all day long, which was a good start, in Kris’ opinion.
He got smacked in the head by Meitao (and thanked God he was still alive) when he told her he wanted a flower that meant perfection. She told him that particular flower was very hard to find and he would have to pay more money than he thought he should ever pay for one lousy flower. As a compromise, Meitao managed to find a pink camellia hair pin (“it also means ‘I’m longing for you,’ Meitao said cheekily) and Kris was glad to see that Junhee wore the clip on her hair all day long.
After a week of various flowers (calla lily for beauty, a purple stock flower for ‘you’ll always be beautiful to me’) and getting no positive response from Junhee, Kris was starting to lose hope. He told Meitao to give Junhee three specific flowers; a full bloom red rose for ‘I love you’, a jonquil for ‘love me’, and a stork of purple gladiolus flowers for ‘give me a break, I’m really sincere.’ He also added a note that said to ‘meet me in the auditorium on your free period.’
So there Kris was, sitting in the middle of the stage in the auditorium, waiting for Junhee. The auditorium felt kinda spacious now that there were no sets in it. He remembered the first time he saw Junhee, how different she was than what he had thought of her. How bossy she was, how loud her shrill voice was when she yelled at him, how she actually praised him when he did a good job… how soft her lips were.
He was broken out of his daydream when his phone went off. He looked at the photo message that went up in the school’s LINE group (yes, starting from his year, he made it mandatory for the students to have LINE and be in the school’s group to make it easier for him to make announcements) and widened his eyes.
It was a photo of Junhee. Clad in nothing but bright red lingerie. It was quite clear that it was edited, but it was still inappropriate.
When he saw who uploaded it, he saw red. He ran out of the auditorium to the halls and saw that everyone was looking at their phones and laughing or looking scandalized. He ran down the hallway and looked everywhere he could see. When he saw Junhee being surrounded by a couple of boys he once called friends and a couple of cheerleading girls, he ran towards her.
He could hear them mocking her. He could see her looking down at her feet, and he didn’t know how, but he knew she was crying. He gritted his teeth.
“YAH!” Kris screamed. Everyone’s eyes went to look at him, and the hallway turned quiet.
“Oh, Kris! Have you seen the picture? Apparently the nerd isn’t so nerdy after all!” one of the boys said. Clearly, he wasn’t aware of the fumes that came out of Kris’ ears. Kris paid him no attention as he grabbed Junhee and pulled her to stand behind him.
“Kris…” he could hear Junhee call his name, but he didn’t care.
“Listen to me,” Kris said, in the most authoritative tone he could muster, “If I find any of you spreading that photo outside of this school, I will make sure that you drop out of school. Hell, if I find any of you still in possession of that photo, I’ll make sure that the principal knows,” Kris said. He narrowed his eyes, “and if I find the person who is responsible of editing that photo, I will end your life.”
He ended it at that and he put his arm around Junhee’s shoulder, walking her towards the auditorium. As they walked down the hallway, he could hear people whispering things, but he honestly didn’t care. Junhee was still crying, and it seemed that she didn’t know who was walking beside her or maybe she didn’t care because she didn’t fight him.
When they entered the auditorium, Kris made sure to lock the doors that led to the auditorium so that they wouldn’t be disturbed. Kris walked towards the stage, jumped so he sat on the edge of the stage, and waited for Junhee, who stood still in front of the auditorium door they entered from. From her shaking shoulders, he figured she was still crying.
“Don’t worry. I’ll find out who did this and let them get what they deserve. I promise,” Kris said. He honestly didn’t know what to say. He could only watch her back as she cried. Never in his life had he felt so powerless.
“…why?”
“Huh?”
“Why would you do that in front of everyone at school? Are you crazy?” Junhee asked as she turned around to look at him.
“Didn’t you understand the meaning of any of the flowers I sent you every morning? Or did you not hear what I said after the play was done?” Kris asked her. She blushed and looked away. Kris patted the spot beside him and said, “come here,” and was pleasantly surprised to see Junhee complying without complaining.
He reached for his pocket and handed Junhee a pressed red carnation, “here. You like books, don’t you? You can use this as a bookmark if you like.”
“What does this one mean?” Junhee asked.
Kris hesitated as he blushed. It was different than simply giving her a flower and having her find out the meaning herself. Now that he had to tell her what the meaning of the flower himself, he was getting embarrassed.
“…’my heart aches for you,’” he said with a blush on his cheeks, looking down to his lap. This was the first time he felt so embarrassed with what he had said and done that he couldn’t look into his companion’s eyes. But then he saw her hand putting the pressed flower on top of his lap. His heart might have broken a little.
“Do you know what a solid-colored carnation means?” Junhee asked suddenly. He could only shake his head. He could feel her hesitating slightly beside him, “…yes.”
“Huh?” Kris asked as he looked at his left, where Junhee was looking down to her lap. Did he hear correctly?”
“It means yes. I heard you loud and clear when you said you love me back then. I asked Meitao what the meaning of the flower was every time I got one from you. I still wear the camellia hair pin you gave me… I’m scared, but after seeing how stubborn you are, I’m willing to try this out,” Junhee said.
“Can I ask you something first?” Kris asked. She nodded, “why were you so adamant on rejecting me?”
He could see her biting her lower lip. When she released her lip, she said, “I’ll tell you one day, but not now. Just trust me.”
And that was what Kris planned to do.
***
Kris could feel the change in the air as he walked down the halls of the school with Junhee wrapped in one of his arms. People looked at them strangely, but none of them dared to comment. Kris liked it that way. He walked Junhee to her locker (not without complaints from the girl) and then he walked her to her first class before dashing towards his own locker and arrived at his first class by the skin of his teeth.
Kris didn’t dare to go farther than holding hands and wrapping his arm around her shoulders. The farthest he could go was to hug her, but only for a second. He couldn’t afford to lose her again. Somehow, Junhee caught onto his hesitation.
“Can you come over after school?” Junhee asked him after lunch a month after they started dating. Kris could only nod because he was too surprised by the offer. He didn’t mind it, even though that meant that he had to drop Junghae off at the hospital so she could visit Baekhyun and take Kyungmi home first for Jongin to score some points off of her. At first, Kris couldn’t understand why Jongin kept trying to get Kyungmi’s attention while she was obviously not interested in him, but after going through it himself, he could only cheer on him from the sidelines because he understood how it felt being head over heels for someone.
The Kim family house was not what Kris was expecting. He heard rumors that the Kim siblings were rich, but he didn’t know that it was real and that they were this rich. They lived in a house as big as a mansion in Apgujeong-dong, but compared to the other houses around the Kim family house, the other houses were much bigger than theirs. The other thing that Kris was surprised about was the lack of housekeeper in the Kim family house.
“Oh, we wake up super early on weekends and we distribute the chores among ourselves to clean the house. It was tiring, but it was a great time to spend with your family,” Junhee explained as she walked into the house. Jongin made his way to what Kris saw was a huge kitchen and he saw the younger boy take a deep gulp from a bottle of orange juice from the fridge. He figured Jongin would rather be left alone, leaving him with no choice but to follow Junhee.
When he realized that Junhee was about to enter a room that presumably was hers (if the sign with her name on it in front of the door was any implication), he hesitated in his steps. Junhee seemed to notice because before she opened the door to her room, she turned around.
“It’s okay, you can come in,” Junhee said with a smile. He couldn’t believe her. Kris didn’t even trust himself around her, why would she trust him to not do anything in her room?
Kris followed her in anyway.
The room was definitely Junhee; it was clean and neat, with a bed with purple and gold cover pushed into left-hand corner of the room, a big dolphin stuffed animal on top of it, a desk right next to the bed with a laptop on top of it, a big, organized bookshelf on the other side of the room, and a small table in the middle of the room on top of a soft-looking purple rug.
“You must like purple,” was the first thing Kris noted from looking around her room. The walls were painted lavender.
“How could you tell, Mr. Observant?” Junhee asked with a small smile, “You can sit, I’m gonna go change,” she said as she walked through a door that was located right next to the bookshelf, which he figured was a closet or a bathroom or possibly both. He put his bag down right next to the small table in the middle of the room and looked around. He had to admit that it wasn’t his first time being in a girl’s room, but this was definitely the most organized one.
He took a look at the bookshelf and found a lot of manhwa books, some of which were his favorites. He also saw a couple of photo albums, some school books, books about astronomy, and some medical books that looked familiar to him. He read the titles and most of the medical books were the ones he had seen in his father’s bookshelf back in Guangzhou: they were mostly about oncology.
“Found something interesting?” Junhee asked from behind him, making him jump. He could hear her snicker, but he only retaliated by messing her hair up.
“We have more in common than I thought we did,” Kris said.
“Oh, really?” Junhee asked with wide eyes. Kris nodded.
“Naruto is one of my favorite Japanese manhwas… and then I also have this book about galaxies, and I’ve seen a couple of these medical books in my dad’s bookshelf. Tried to read them but couldn’t understand a thing. Do you wanna be a doctor?” Kris asked. He didn’t realize that Junhee had tensed up.
“…not really. I’m just interested in it, but I don’t think I wanna be a doctor.”
“What do you wanna do then?”
“I have a lot of things I wanna do,” Junhee said. She walked towards her desk and took a piece of paper from on top of it. She sat down in front of the small table in the middle of the room and patted the spot beside her. Kris sat down beside her and peeked over her shoulder, “I made a list of things I wanna do before I die two years ago.”
“‘Get married in the same church as my parents’, ’Bungee jumping’, ‘Go to Namsan Tower’, ‘Be in two places at once’? You sure have great imagination,” Kris continued to scan the paper until he saw one thing already crossed out, “’Witness a miracle’… ’Get my first kiss’… that was your first kiss?” Junhee nodded with a blush on her face, “…sorry.”
“No, you don’t have to be!”
“Your first kiss should be special, not forced like I did to you,” Kris said.
“It was special. It was with you, so it was special,” Junhee said as her ears became red.
“Not gonna cut it with me,” Kris said as he moved her hair behind her ears and cupped her cheek, “you deserve better.”
Kris turned her face so she was facing him and leaned in, eyes slightly open to see Junhee’s reaction. When she closed her eyes, he advances and puts his lips softly upon hers. In his opinion, it was better than their real first kiss in the auditorium.
“Better?” Kris asked as he pulled away.
“Kris…” Junhee breathed out. It sounded too much like a moan, in Yifan’s opinion.
“Yifan,” Kris suddenly said so he wouldn’t have time to be affected by her breathy voice.
“Huh?”
“Wu Yifan. That’s my real name.”
“Wait, Kris Wu is not your real name?”
“No, it was a nickname I made after I arrived in Korea.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“I don’t know. Because you’re my girlfriend and I don’t want you to call me with the same name everybody does, I guess,” Kris - Yifan - said with a blush.
“Okay… Yifan,” Junhee said cautiously. Yifan nodded.
“I like that,” Yifan said as he looked into her eyes.
“Thanks for telling me that. And our first kiss was already special, you don’t have to ‘make it better,’” Junhee said, using air-quotes.
“Fine. But I personally like this kiss better than our previous one,” Yifan said. Junhee laughed as she shook her head. Yifan looked at her as she scanned her wish list once again, “Junhee-yah, let’s go to Namsan together.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. What time do you usually finish cleaning in the weekends?”
“Usually around 10 AM, why?”
“I’ll pick you up at 10.30 on Saturday and we’ll go to Namsan together. We’ll take the cable car for the full experience, how does that sound?” Yifan smiled when he saw her face light up even more at the mention of the cable cars.
“That sounds awesome, I can’t wait!”
“Good.”
***
It was Saturday, and Yifan was five minutes early. He was nervous, because if Junhee’s words were true, he had no other choice but to meet her parents. He didn’t bring anything because he was scared of being too cheesy, but now that he was standing right in front of the Kim family house’s door, he almost regretted coming empty handed. He took a deep breath and rang the bell.
“Coming!” said a female voice from behind the door that was unfamiliar to Yifan. He groaned and slapped himself on the forehead. Just his luck. The door opened and revealed a very beautiful woman who somewhat looked like Junhee, Junghae, and Jongin all at the same time that it threw him back a little, “Yes?”
“Um… I’m looking for Junhee…”
“Oh, you must be her boyfriend! Come in, honey, she’ll be with you in a while.”
“Oh, no, it’s okay, ma’am, I can wait here.”
“Nonsense. Junhee can take forever to get ready sometimes. Come in,” her tone left him with no choice but to comply, so he walked inside, albeit reluctantly. He followed Mrs. Kim into the living room and sat down after he was told to, “So… I’m curious. Where are you taking her?”
“Um… I heard that she’s always wanted to go to Namsan, so I thought it would be a good idea to take her there.”
“That’s very thoughtful! Thank you…”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I haven’t introduced myself! I’m Kris, Kris Wu.”
“Kris… you’re not Korean, are you?”
“No, mom, he’s Chinese-Canadian, and can you stop the interrogation?” Suddenly Junhee appeared beside her mother and once again Yifan was blown away by how much they looked alike.
“Oh, come on, honey, it’s the first time a boy has come to take you on a date! I have all the right to be a curious mother,” Mrs. Kim said as she ran a hand on Junhee’s arm, “Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“If you’re not feeling fine, tell him, okay? I don’t want you to push yourself.”
“I understand. Come on, Yifan,” Junhee said as she walked towards the front door. Yifan stood up and bowed towards Mrs. Kim and followed Junhee. After Mrs. Kim had closed the front door, Yifan walked towards his car and opened the passenger door for Junhee. She smiled at him and went inside the car, and Yifan ran towards the driver door and went inside the car.
“Are you not feeling well?” Yifan asked after he started the car, “If you are, we can take a rain check.”
“I’m fine. I promised mom I’ll tell you if I’m not.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise. Now let’s go! I wanna go to Namsan!” Junhee said excitedly. Yifan chuckled and drove his car out of the Kim family yard and made his way towards Namsan cable car station. When they arrived there, it wasn’t as crowded as Yifan thought it would be, but there were still a lot of people. They entered a cable car and Yifan watched affectionately as Junhee grew excited over everything she saw outside of the car.
After they got off the cable car, Junhee started dragging him every time she saw something beautiful. Yifan didn’t complain, so long as he could see the big smile on her face. They made their way to the tower, and in the elevator, as they watched the video on the roof of the elevator, Yifan linked his fingers through Junhee’s and for some reason, he knew she was blushing.
At the observation deck, Junhee excitedly pointed out that she could see Han River from up there.
“Usually when we have time, me, Junghae and Jongin would go there to cycle,” she said without pulling away from the telescope.
“Han River is also a great place for a date. They’ve got various kinds of restaurants down there. I’ll take you there sometime,” Yifan said. Junhee pulled away from the telescope and smiled at him.
“I can’t wait.”
They continued to the place where they could buy padlocks. Yifan was actually hesitating to go there, considering their relationship was still young, but what’s the point of going to Namsan Tower if you don’t buy padlocks?
“I really like this one,” Junhee suddenly said. She was pointing at a purple and white colored pair of padlocks with their respective keys.
“Huh, it’s purple. I should’ve known,” Yifan said. Junhee pouted at him, “Oh, come on. Don’t give me that look. I never said we can’t buy it.”
Junhee’s pout turned into a grin. She took the set of padlocks and walked towards the register. Before she could reach into her purse to get her wallet, Yifan took his first and paid for it.
“I can pay for that.”
“I asked you on a date. It’s on me,” Yifan said. He took the padlock from the cashier and turned to look at Junhee, who was, once again, pouting. He smiled softly, “I promise next time you can pay for everything if you want.”
“Fine. I’ll ask you on a date next time.”
“I can’t wait,” Yifan said, quoting her earlier. He borrowed two sharpies from the cashier and walked towards the tables while dragging Junhee with him. He gave one of the sharpies to Junhee and he sat down on one chair and started writing on his padlock. He wasn’t good at being cheesy (Junhee would beg to differ, considering the different flowers she received from Yifan), so he was a little stuck as to what to write. He decided to just write what he wanted.
吴亦凡 - 김준희
평생 함께 ♥
(Wu Yifan - Kim Junhee
Together forever ♥)
As cheesy as it was, it was sincere. He peeked at Junhee’s padlock and saw the words she wrote.
♥ 준희 - 이판 ♥
끝까지 함께하자
(♥ Junhee - Yifan ♥
Let’s be together until the end)
She wrote the words so carefully so that the ink didn’t stain the purple-colored heart in the middle of the white padlock. Unlike her, Yifan just wrote on the padlock without caring about the white-colored heart in the middle of his purple padlock.
“You done?” Yifan asked. Junhee nodded, “let’s lock it outside,” Yifan stood up from his seat and extended a hand towards Junhee, who grabbed it and intertwined their fingers together. They went and found a space that was big enough for both of their padlocks and locked them. Afterwards, they took pictures together and left the tower. They were inside the cable car when it happened.
The cable car was strangely, but thankfully, empty. Junhee was looking out the car when she suddenly grabbed her head, groaned, and lost her footing. Before her body touched the floor, Yifan was there to grab her.
“Junhee-yah? Junhee-yah! What’s wrong?!”
They were still so far away from the cable car station, and Junhee was so pale, Yifan wanted to hit himself for not noticing. His right arm was supporting Junhee’s body while his left hand reached for his pocket and took his phone out of it. He searched for Jongin’s number, slower because he had to use his left hand, and dialed it when he found it.
“Come on, Kim Jongin, pick up, pick up, pick up…” he muttered under his breath as he listened to the dial tone.
“Hello?” Jongin’s voice said when he finally picked up.
“Jongin-ah, Junhee passed out,” he decided to just cut to the chase, partly because they almost reached the cable car station, and mainly because he was panicking.
“WHAT?!”
“I’m taking her to the nearest hospital from Namsan…”
“Take her to Seoul Memorial,” Jongin cut him off.
“…fine. I’ll tell you when I get there,” he said as he hung up the phone. He pocketed his phone, took his car keys, and took Junhee in his arms, running off towards his car practically a second after the doors of the cable car opened. He pressed his car remote and a kind stranger thankfully opened the backseat car door for him. He laid Junhee down on the backseat and then he ran towards the driver’s seat.
Yifan was usually careful when it comes to driving; he never broke the speed limit and he always waited patiently at the traffic light. Today, obeying those rules was not an option. He needed to get Junhee some help, fast. After he arrived at Seoul Memorial Hospital, he stopped his car in front of the emergency room door and stepped off the car. He ran towards the emergency door and tried to find someone who looked like either a nurse or a doctor.
“Excuse me!” he said when he saw someone in doctor’s whites and grabbed the doctor’s arm, “My girlfriend suddenly passed out. She’s in my car. Please help her!”
The doctor nodded and ran with Yifan towards his car. He opened the backseat door and brought Junhee inside. He called Jongin that he was in Namsan Hospital and could only wait as the doctors check his girlfriend.
“Duìzhǎng!”
Yifan looked at the direction of the emergency room door and saw Jongin, Junghae, Mrs. Kim, and, presumably, Mr. Kim running towards him. He bowed towards the Kim parents and they bowed back.
“What happened, oppa?” Junghae asked.
“I don’t know… she didn’t say anything about being sick or anything, but when we were going down, she passed out in the cable car.”
“God, I knew she wasn’t in good shape…” Jongin muttered under his breath, but Yifan could still hear him.
“…what’s wrong with her?” Yifan asked to no one in particular, but still expecting an answer. He raised both of his hands in defense, “I practically forced myself into her life, so I don’t think I have the right to know, but still… she’s my girlfriend, and I like her very much. I just… wanna know what’s wrong with her.”
No one dared to look at him. Yifan tried to catch Jongin or Junghae’s eyes, but they avoided his gaze.
“Kris, please don’t think badly of us,” Mrs. Kim opened her mouth, “Junhee had told us not to tell you because she said she wanted to tell you herself. And she will, when she’s ready.”
“Sorry, hyung…” Jongin said, looking down at his feet. Yifan never realized that it was the first time Jongin had ever called him ‘hyung’.
“…why Seoul Memorial?” Yifan asked.
“All of Junhee’s medical record is here. It would be easier to treat her in a place where everyone’s familiar with her,” Mrs. Kim explained.
“So this is not the first time this happened?” Mrs. Kim shook her head. Yifan heaved a big sigh and ran a hand over his face. A couple of minutes later, a doctor came up to them.
“She’s fine. It was one of her dizzy spells, but she should take it easy today,” the doctor said, “She just woke up and asked for her boyfriend?”
Yifan looked at Junhee’s parents, and they nodded. He bowed at them and walked with the doctor. It was like déjà vu, seeing Junhee so helpless and vulnerable on top of a hospital gurney; just like the play. He sat down on the side of her bed where there was no IV drip and took her hand in his. Junhee turned her head to look at him and smiled weakly.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hi.”
“Sorry to scare you like that… I thought I would make it home before I pass out, but I guess the headache got the better of me.”
“It’s fine,” Yifan said as he squeezed Junhee’s hand. He wanted to ask, but he didn’t know how.
“You wanna know why I’m like this, don’t you?” Junhee asked, “It’s actually the same reason why I didn’t want you - or anyone, for that matter - to fall in love with me.”
Yifan looked straight into Junhee’s eyes and said, “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready.”
“I don’t think I’m ever gonna be ready, so might as well get it out now,” Junhee said, “Yifan, I’m… dying. I have leukemia and I’ve stopped responding to my treatments.”
Yifan honestly hoped to God he didn’t believe in that Junhee said it wrong or that he was hallucinating. There was no way that the tough girl who scared him the first time they formally met was dying of cancer. He would never wish that on his worst enemy, let alone the girl he loved.
“The doctors were too late in finding it; mainly because I was too stubborn to go to the hospital. When they found out two years ago, I was already at the third stage. I didn’t want people to know, so I told my parents and my siblings to treat me normally, like I was healthy. And now I’m going to ask you the same thing,” Junhee said as she squeezed his hand tightly, “Yifan, please, please don’t treat me like I’m dying. I kept my distance from people who may want to date me by acting like a stereotypical nerd because I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to get any special treatment, so I never told anyone. I had such a great time at our date today, and I wanted to keep you in the dark as long as I could, but you deserve to know.”
“…what do you want me to do, then?”
“Just treat me like you usually do. Don’t treat me like I’m sick; I’m fine,” Junhee said. Yifan hesitated. How was he supposed to act like everything was fine after finding out that his girlfriend was dying? But she looked at him with such desperation, that he couldn’t help but nod. Acting normal was worth the smile on her face. He kissed the back of her hand that he was holding.
“Okay.”
***
A couple of months after his date with Junhee at Namsan Tower, Yifan once again found himself in Seoul Memorial Hospital. He was not there for Junhee, though. He was standing right outside a door, taking deep breaths before knocking. When a male voice told him to come in, he opened the door and went inside.
“Kris Wu… for what do I owe the pleasure of your presence?” Baekhyun asked with the most sarcastic tone Yifan had ever heard. Now he knew why Junghae and Baekhyun were so good together; they were both sarcastic bastards.
“How’s your head?” Yifan asked.
“Fine, no thanks to you.”
Yifan sighed. He didn’t expect anything less from the victim of his crimes. He put the fruit basket Junhee and Junghae had helped pick on top of a table. He sat on the chair right next to the bed and lowered his head.
“Look… I’m sorry,” Yifan said as he looked down at his lap. He didn’t dare to look at Baekhyun.
“…huh?”
Yifan looked up and at Baekhyun, who looked perplexed. Yifan frowned.
“I said I was sorry.”
“…who are you and what have you done to Kris Wu? The Kris Wu I knew would never, I repeat, never apologize. He doesn’t know the word sorry even if it hit him in the face.”
“Well, the Kris Wu you knew wasn’t dating Kim Junhee yet.”
Baekhyun widened his eyes, “Junghae told me Junhee-noona was dating you; I thought she was kidding!”
Yifan frowned, “That’s offensive. Why wouldn’t she?”
“I mean, she never liked you! She always said how pretentious and dirty you are. She avoided you like a plague forever!”
“Now that’s super offensive. Do you even have a brain-to-mouth filter?”
“I only quoted Junhee-noona!” Baekhyun said with a pout. Yifan was silently glad that at least the atmosphere between them became more bearable than before, “…glad to see that she’s changed you for the better, though.”
“Same here,” Yifan said with a smile. He then stood up, “Well, that’s all I’m here for. Get well soon, Byun.”
“Yeah… thanks.”
Yifan smiled for the last time and left the room. He walked outside the hospital and smiled, “There, I did it. Now can we go where I wanna take you?”
Junhee smiled at him, “Fine. Lead the way, kind sir,” Junhee said as she took Yifan’s arm. Yifan smiled at her and walked with her towards his car. He opened the passenger seat door for her and went to the driver’s seat, “Where are we going?” Junhee asked.
“What did I say before we went to the hospital?”
“That it was a surprise.”
“Then wait,” Yifan said with a teasing smile. Junhee pouted but Yifan only laughed and drove. From the corner of his eyes, Yifan could see Junhee looking outside and looking back at him with a frown, but Yifan only smiled knowingly. He stopped his car after an hour of driving and parked it at the side of the road. He walked out of the car and opened Junhee’s door for her.
“Where are we?”
“You’ll know. Come here,” Yifan said as he dragged Junhee near a big stone near the car. He instructed her to stand facing the street with the rock behind her. Junhee was frowning the whole time Yifan told her to position her feet. Yifan smiled and said, “We’re in the border between Seoul and Gyeonggi-do. One half of your body’s in Seoul, and the other’s in Gwacheon.”
Junhee widened her eyes in realization, and then she burst out laughing, “Oh my God, I can’t believe you thought of that!” Junhee said. Yifan took a piece of paper from his pocket and a pen. He opened it and crossed ‘Be in two places at once’ from Junhee’s bucket list.
“We’re gonna spend all day today fulfilling your wishes,” Yifan said, looking straight at Junhee’s eyes, “I know you’ll feel like I’m giving you a special treatment because you’re sick, but I want you to know that even if I never find out about your illness, I’ll still do this. I’ll do everything in my power to fulfill everything you wish for.”
So they spent the day driving from one place to another (with Yifan asking every five minutes if she was okay; he stopped after she smacked the back of his head), crossing one thing from the bucket list as they go until what was left were two things on the list: ‘Get married in the same church as my parents’ and ‘witness a miracle’. Yifan was going to make sure that happened.
***
Yifan should never have let his guard down, otherwise, he wouldn’t have to stand in front of his father’s residence in Guangzhou, ready to put away all of his pride for the sake of one dying girl he loved more than his own life. It pained him to leave Junhee. He wanted to ask Sehun to go in his place, since his younger brother had better relationship with their father than he did, but he knew he had to do this alone.
“Yifan?”
“Lǎo bà…” Yifan said with bloodshot eyes. He couldn’t care less about how he looked after he cried ever since he left Junhee, who fainted at school, in the hospital. He could tell from the look on the doctor’s face that she was getting worse.
“What are you doing here?”
Yifan went straight to his knees and let another stray tear out, “Lǎo bà, please. I know I haven’t been a good son to you, but please… please help Junhee…”
His father was silent for a while, and then he said, “Lift your head up, son.”
Yifan lifted his head, but didn’t stand up from his position.
“Shixun told me everything,” his father said, “about you and your girlfriend, and her illness… even to this day, I couldn’t believe his words about how much you changed for that girl. But seeing you here, I can tell that she’s very precious to you, isn’t she?”
Yifan nodded, “…more than anything.”
“I know. You would never have thrown away your pride and go down on your knees and beg for my help if it wasn’t for her. I’ll have to thank her someday.”
They were silent for a moment.
“Yifan, I’ve called my colleague in Seoul Memorial yesterday. I’ve arranged a private home care for Kim Junhee. I’m going to pay for all of it.”
Yifan looked up straight into his father’s eyes in shock, “…are you serious?” to which his father only nodded. Yifan stood up and, for the first time in his teenage life, hugged his father tightly. He couldn’t remember the last time he enjoyed the warmth of his father’s body against his. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt the need of having his father beside him. Now he remembered. As he reminisced, he broke down in his father’s arms.
“I’m going to pay you back one day,” Yifan said to his father as he pulled away.
“Just make sure that you’re both happy, son. That’s all I can ask of you.”
***
It was a beautiful autumn day.
Wu Yifan was nervous; more than when he was about to face exams, or basketball tournaments, or spring festival play. He looked around the church and smiled. His wife-to-be made a great choice of choosing the church where her parents got married in for their own wedding; the place was beautiful.
His senses were filled with Kim Junhee the second he saw her being pushed in a wheelchair through the big wooden door.
He could only see her in her wedding dress, with her sickly pale face hidden underneath a veil as she tried her best to stand up from her wheelchair; he could only hear the heels of her shoes hitting the floor one by one as she took small, careful steps towards him in her very frail body with her father’s arm in hers; he could only feel his palms starting to sweat as he saw Junhee almost tripping; he could only smell the sweet smell of lavender, Junhee’s favorite flower, from her bouquet, as she reached his side in front of the minister.
She might not look as fierce as when he first met her, but in his eyes, she was still the strongest, most beautiful girl he had ever seen before in his life.
“You look beautiful,” Yifan whispered when their eyes met. Junhee smiled weakly at him.
“Let’s just get this over with, shall we? I’m kinda tired,” Junhee said pretty loudly. Yifan and the other attendees chuckled. She was still feisty even with the state of her body.
The minister nodded and proceeded with the ceremony. Yifan was only half listening to the minister’s words, as he was too focused on imprinting Junhee in his memory, as if she was going to disappear any moment. Somehow, he could still say ‘I do’ at the right time. He couldn’t control his smile when he heard the same words came out of Junhee’s mouth.
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Yifan carefully lifted the veil and gazed into the eyes he loved so much. He caressed his wife’s soft cheek with a careful hand, and then he leaned in to put a soft kiss on her mouth, which was reciprocated with her arms around his neck pulling him in deeper. When he pulled away, before she could protest, he lifted Junhee up in his arms and made his way outside the church. Even though she kept hitting his chest lightly, demanding to be put down, Yifan paid no heed to her complaints.
“Go throw your bouquet, darling,” Yifan said as he carefully set Junhee down.
“Are you going to go mushy on me now, sweetie?” Junhee asked, emphasizing on the pet name. She turned her back towards the crowd and closed her eyes. She threw her lavender bouquet backwards with all her might and laughed when she heard Meitao squeal and Sehun groan.
“Make an honest man out of my brother, Huang!” Yifan said as he lifted Junhee up once again to enter their wedding car. They laughed when Meitao flashed them an okay sign.
Yifan let Junhee rest her head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and kissed the crown of her head as the car sped up. When it stopped in front of their high school, Junhee frowned.
It had been a miracle that Junhee survived until her twentieth birthday. She was considerably weaker, but she never lost her will to live. Even Yifan’s father thought that it was a miracle she was still alive. The second she turned twenty, Yifan proposed to her. Yifan’s father was very much against the marriage, as he thought that Junhee didn’t have long to live, and in a short period of time, Yifan would be left alone. But after a long talk with his son, he eventually caved.
“What are we doing here?” Junhee asked as she was wheeled into the auditorium.
“I just wanna reminisce for a bit. It’s been a while since we’ve been here,” Yifan said. He wheeled her until they reached the stage and then he sat her down on the edge of the stage and let her lean her head on his shoulder once he sat beside her, “Do you remember when we first met?”
Junhee chuckled, “I do. I hated your guts.”
“Baekhyun said the same thing,” Yifan said. Junghae and Baekhyun had sung a beautiful duet as a wedding gift on their bachelor and bachelorette party (which Chanyeol had insisted on happening. Yixue also insisted on it - dating Chanyeol had been a bad influence on her, in Junhee’s opinion)
“He was always there whenever I rant about you. He even told me that eventually my hate would turn into love since I never stopped talking about you.”
“Well, he’s not wrong.”
“I’ve always kept you in a distance… because I don’t wanna get hurt. Now that the distance is gone, I’m still afraid.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t wanna hurt you. And I will.”
“…”
“Will you promise me something?”
“Anything.”
“I know that I’m going to hurt you eventually… will you forgive me?”
Yifan let the tears that were filling up his eyes fall. He tearfully kissed the top of Junhee’s head with all the love he could muster for her. He leaned his head on hers and nodded against it, “You don’t have to apologize for anything. Thank you for bringing me happiness.”
***
Four years had passed, and Yifan was now an intern in Seoul Memorial.
Two weeks after their marriage, Junhee finally succumbed to her illness in her sleep, with Yifan’s left arm as her pillow. Yifan sent her off with a smile, just like the one embedded forever in her eternal sleep when he woke up.
Before Junhee came into his life, Yifan didn’t know what to do with his life. He was not exactly the most diligent student, but he could brag about getting an A in a test with his own efforts. He wasn’t particularly interested in anything besides Junhee. But after Junhee’s illness grew worse, he started asking his father about oncology, and he figured that if he couldn’t save the love of his life, he might as well save other people’s.
And now, he was in front of Kim residence. After Junhee’s death, Mr. Kim had expressed his initial objection over their marriage, and asked Yifan for proof that he really loved her, even when Junhee wasn’t around anymore. Yifan had yet to visit that house again since their marriage, since he felt that he had nothing to prove.
But now, he could show his father-in-law that he was trying his hardest so that no one would end up like him, or like the Kim family, having lost someone very precious to them. Yifan felt so accomplished when he finally saw how proud Mr. Kim looked when he finished telling him what happened in his internship.
“I found this… in Junhee’s room,” Mr. Kim said as he pulled out a familiar piece of paper from his pocket. Junhee’s bucket list, “I noticed that there’s one thing she hasn’t crossed out here,” he said as he pointed towards ‘witness a miracle’ in the list.
Yifan looked down and scratched the back of his neck, “Yeah, I didn’t manage to fulfill that. I drew up a blank on that,” he said.
“…do you have a pen on you?”
Yifan frowned and handed his father-in-law the pen that never left his breast pocket. He frowned even deeper when Mr. Kim crossed out the ‘witness a miracle’ in Junhee’s list.
“I think… she’s seen a miracle, but she just didn’t realize it yet.”
“Pardon?”
“You, Yifan. I’ve heard stories about you from the PTA, since Junhee’s mother was also part of it. But the man I’m seeing right in front of me right now is not the boy who sent someone to the hospital because of a silly prank. I see a man who changed into a better person after meeting my daughter. I’d call that a miracle.”
Yifan made his way home after spending some more time with his father-in-law. He asked Mr. Kim for the bucket list and made his way towards a place that was way too familiar for his liking. When he found the tombstone with some wilted lavender on it, he smiled.
“I haven’t been here for a while, have I? I’m sorry,” he said as he replaced the flowers with new ones. For the first time since their wedding, Yifan smiled so wide, his gum showed. He pulled the now finished bucket list out of his pocket, laid it on top of Junhee’s tombstone, and said, “We’ve done it. All this time, we’ve actually finished the list. I wish you knew that your list was all done, but I think you know that already, right?”
Yifan looked up at the orange sky and closed his eyes when the wind blew. He smiled.
“…I love you.”