Haunted
This time of year should be happy but all I seem to feel is haunted by the death of my mother. I need to try and move on and have a christmas with her "replacement". The woman was never really nice to me but she was still my mom and I loved her more than anything. I have had a lot of issues come forward latley with my ex-husband fucking with my kids and I just wish I could call and talk to her. I want her back so bad just to say how sorry I am for all of the things I said before she died. I never wanted our relationship to end that way , with her doubting my love for her. It seems like I try so hard to live my life to not be like her that I have forgotten about her good qualities and there were some not many but some. She always made sure I had a great Christmas even if it meant she would have to go without things for herself for months to ensure all of my christmas list demands were met.
I have seen the sadness in my sons eyes as well latley becuase he was so close to his nana. They had a bond that I will probably never understand. The new woman that my dad is with is great but it seems that there is times were now that she is moving in with dad that she refures to things in the house as hers and I want to yell " thats not yours it's my mom's'. I quess that is silly but I really don't know how to handle it.
If there are more out ther in LJ with this feeling of loss this season I would love to hear your story.
I have seen the sadness in my sons eyes as well latley becuase he was so close to his nana. They had a bond that I will probably never understand. The new woman that my dad is with is great but it seems that there is times were now that she is moving in with dad that she refures to things in the house as hers and I want to yell " thats not yours it's my mom's'. I quess that is silly but I really don't know how to handle it.
If there are more out ther in LJ with this feeling of loss this season I would love to hear your story.