Doing a lot of thinking....
So lately I have been doing a lot of thinking and trying to figure things out. Sometimes I wonder if I messed a lot of things up when I went away that maybe I can't completely repair. I have said my "I am sorry" many times and have been forgiven but I still think that there are some, maybe just one person in particular, that say they understand and forgive but are still holding back and scared that I might disappear again, which is not going to happen, I promise. I have learned my lesson from all that and wish sometimes it never happened, but it did and I can't dwell on the past. I don't want this person to push me away b/c of it and be hesitant to allow me in again. My intentions were never to hurt anyone or to break anyone's heart but I know I did and I can never tell them how sorry I truly am but I definitely don't want the past to ruin my future that I believe I can have if someone was willing to give me a second chance and try again. I can make it better...I know I can
I want to be happy again and enjoy life and with this person I do. I am the happiest person in the world and I have never laughed and smiled so much in a long time. We can be goofy together and it doesn't matter. I have been down on life for a long time but with him I forget about all of that and am just happy and loving that moment. This is a person I would be happy spending every day with and am sad when I don't talk to him. I am excited to see him even if it is only for a few minutes. This is someone I would do anything for without hesitation. Its weird b/c for the longest time I wasn't sure how I felt, I was kind of confused about it all, but now I know I do want to be a part of his life and I want him to want me to be. I know there is some love there between us but I believe there is fear there and I don't want there to be. I am not sure what I can do but continually say I am not going anywhere, I am here. It would be really heartbreaking if his feelings weren't the same but all I want for him is for him to be happy, even if it is without me, but I know he could be happy with me. I am just hope he opens his eyes soon and sees how much I care and understands that I am serious. He might read this, he might not but if he does, at least he knows how I feel.
Well that is me opening up to the world hah You won't get that often and I really don't care what people think, even if you know who I am talking about, I am going to do what and be with who makes me happy. I might be foolish with the way I feel but I can't help how I feel. Its there and isn't going away I dont believe. So wish me luck lol I am going to bed now that I got that off my chest...sweet dreams to all :)
I want to be happy again and enjoy life and with this person I do. I am the happiest person in the world and I have never laughed and smiled so much in a long time. We can be goofy together and it doesn't matter. I have been down on life for a long time but with him I forget about all of that and am just happy and loving that moment. This is a person I would be happy spending every day with and am sad when I don't talk to him. I am excited to see him even if it is only for a few minutes. This is someone I would do anything for without hesitation. Its weird b/c for the longest time I wasn't sure how I felt, I was kind of confused about it all, but now I know I do want to be a part of his life and I want him to want me to be. I know there is some love there between us but I believe there is fear there and I don't want there to be. I am not sure what I can do but continually say I am not going anywhere, I am here. It would be really heartbreaking if his feelings weren't the same but all I want for him is for him to be happy, even if it is without me, but I know he could be happy with me. I am just hope he opens his eyes soon and sees how much I care and understands that I am serious. He might read this, he might not but if he does, at least he knows how I feel.
Well that is me opening up to the world hah You won't get that often and I really don't care what people think, even if you know who I am talking about, I am going to do what and be with who makes me happy. I might be foolish with the way I feel but I can't help how I feel. Its there and isn't going away I dont believe. So wish me luck lol I am going to bed now that I got that off my chest...sweet dreams to all :)