(no subject)
So yeah. My day..was alright, and now it decides to turn pretty crappy again. Sometimes I wish I was just one of those people on the side, that kept to themselves the entire school day until it was time to go home and not have to worry about the events of the day. Sometimes, I really hate having friends because it's so hard to keep them all happy.
I'm sorry I don't mean much to you anymore.
Things I used to love aren't the same anymore. I find petty excuses for not having to pick up my sax and practice, and I fear my intense love for music that I recieved in 6th grade has died a bit. I hate the competition of being a musician, that's not what it's all about! But nowadays, if you're not good you're not accepted in the world of music, however sad that may seem.
I'm so incredibly stressed out, and it looks like I might not be able to see my mom for Christmas, which is a crazy blow like a knife in the heart. My house is cursed...I only find solace when I'm at Church or with church friends and few select friends from school. I'm being forced to go to Disney World the day after Christmas, with this family I don't even think I know. Not even my brother or sister are going, just me, my dad, my papa, and Patti (whom most of you know I can't stand). This is NO holiday for me, yet I put on some kind of mask to actually shield my feelings from people at school. I've been unable to sleep, and have been overcome with some intense fear when I shut my eyes, thinking that something bad will happen if I close them. I wish I never would have stayed here...I can totally kick myself for the irrational and naive decision I made remaining in Myrtle Beach. I guess it was sorrow I felt for my dad, since he's been through so much himself. I really don't want to stay here anymore, the thought of starting over sounds so refreshing and sweet. I'm ready for change...
I'm sorry I don't mean much to you anymore.
Things I used to love aren't the same anymore. I find petty excuses for not having to pick up my sax and practice, and I fear my intense love for music that I recieved in 6th grade has died a bit. I hate the competition of being a musician, that's not what it's all about! But nowadays, if you're not good you're not accepted in the world of music, however sad that may seem.
I'm so incredibly stressed out, and it looks like I might not be able to see my mom for Christmas, which is a crazy blow like a knife in the heart. My house is cursed...I only find solace when I'm at Church or with church friends and few select friends from school. I'm being forced to go to Disney World the day after Christmas, with this family I don't even think I know. Not even my brother or sister are going, just me, my dad, my papa, and Patti (whom most of you know I can't stand). This is NO holiday for me, yet I put on some kind of mask to actually shield my feelings from people at school. I've been unable to sleep, and have been overcome with some intense fear when I shut my eyes, thinking that something bad will happen if I close them. I wish I never would have stayed here...I can totally kick myself for the irrational and naive decision I made remaining in Myrtle Beach. I guess it was sorrow I felt for my dad, since he's been through so much himself. I really don't want to stay here anymore, the thought of starting over sounds so refreshing and sweet. I'm ready for change...