Confused more than ever
Last night was rough. I spent 2hr crying non-stop. I had detailed thoughts of suicide and which day to act it out. I have never been so scared in my life. I tried reaching for help but the one person I thought I could reach out to said they could not help me and showed no compassion. In the past, I never planned how I would kill myself. I just reached for a bottle. Last night was different. I had everything planned out, right to the very moment, place and time. Out of nowhere, I receive a text asking if I was ok, that they had an uneasy feeling. I never told that person what was going on, what I was feeling, how I was flipping out. They came here and gave me just what I needed. A friend. That's all. Just a friend. I am going back to therapy next week. Jennifer said $20 a session online bc she knows my situation. Hopefully I can get back on the right track and my thoughts won't be so dark. Last night made me realize something. What people have been telling me for 6 years is true.