(Untitled)
As I walked out that hallway, I succumbed to the shell’s form. I had to be careful not to be seen in my glorious form, as this would bring a most unwelcome attention to me. And that was something I could not afford at the moment. I could hear Buffy saying something to her friends in the distance. But I did not cared to listen in; I just wanted
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I pondered these words for a moment. She genuinely wanted to understand. Wesley wanted to understand, but only because I wore the shell’s form, the shell’s face. Buffy, genuinely wanted to understand me. I wanted to understand myself. I looked towards the distance.
“All I am is what I am. I lived 7 lives at once. I was power and the ecstasy of death. I was god to a god.” I looked down. “Now... I- I'm trapped... in this time and this place.”
I didn’t know why I would tell this creature these things. Perhaps it was out of tedium, perhaps it was just that I needed to let go.
“I once ruled over this place with an iron fist. I had a grand army, and my voice was the law. But I was defeated, and my essence was trapped, and this shell set me free. I needed to exist so I possessed her form, her body began to deteriorate as I took over.”
I could see that Buffy could not quite comprehend what I was telling her. Perhaps it was too much all at once. But I did not care.
“The shell endured a slow and painful death in the arms of her lover… Wesley. And it was at that moment of her death that I came into this world.” I said with a simple smile.
“Many things happened. My army was gone, and I had nothing left. I made a deal with Wesley to stop killing if he would help me adjust to this strange, new Earth. He kept his end of the bargain, and I kept mine.”
I couldn’t stop now. These words were pouring out of me like rain. I was possesed by them.
“Soon my powers became too great for the shell’s body and I began to self-destruct. It was Wesley who used a device to stabilize my form but in doing so, I lost most of my godly powers, I was left with nothing, I became another simple creature in this strange land.”
I considered those words for a moment. I turned around and looked directly at her.
“Yes.” I simply said. “I wished my splendor to be returned to me. I longed for my triumphant sway over mankind. To never die and rule completely, this has always been my reality - my definition of life. Yet, things…changed, and over time I developed many unwanted feelings.” A pause. And once again, a surge of memories filled my mind.
“Wesley… The night he fell, I had never felt such emotions. I have never felt such uncontrollable grief. Though your species is like grime under my foot, he helped me perceive that not all are.”
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Well if this was a 'demons anonymous', then she would have gotten a star, and a clapping from a group..and some tissues. But this wasn't..she trusted me, and she literally poured what she had of a heart out, even though she didn't show it. I didn't know who Wesley dated, but I'm guessing it was the form that she took on to hide her true one. The nerdy girl..the one that talked in a country accent, yet could take care of herself. Just by looking at that girl, I could see why Wesley would like her.. Just like him..except for the whole British and suity thing.. Well at least I get my point.
It took me a few seconds..several seconds to absorb everything that she gave me. It was a lot, it was like I was back in college again. But this time, I learned how she felt. What a demon was feeling..it was something that I could never decipher.
"You talk like this world is horrible. Granted, it did take you in, and it's got pain, and suffering and feelings.. Of everything I know." I figured that I'd tell her I died..but it might confuse her..but after that lecture.. maybe she really would understand. "I died, I know what it feels like to feel trapped in this world." I waited.
" I don't know what happened with you and Wesley..but I'm glad you felt it. You should..They call it conscious here. This race isn't all that bad. You don't have to try and defeat this race. They are worth fighting for. Maybe you should try to live with it... And you gotta admit that the food here is good.."
Maybe she got that.
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I only looked at her as she was saying these words. They echoed in my mind.
"I died, I know what it feels like to feel trapped in this world."
I looked up at her. I searched the shell’s memories, and in deed, this human’s life had expired at one point. Angel had not shown much grief then, but he had not been himself either. It was most strange. But his excitement over the news that she was alive was an obvious sign that he had cared a great deal for her. However, I did not understand the cycle of human life.
“You died…yes. I know this from the shell’s memories. And you were greatly missed. But how can one human life expire and then return while others stay gone?” I asked. I knew she did not have the answer to this question. But I wanted to understand.
"I don't know what happened with you and Wesley..but I'm glad you felt it. You should..They call it conscious here. This race isn't all that bad. You don't have to try and defeat this race. They are worth fighting for. Maybe you should try to live with it... And you gotta admit that the food here is good.."
This human was right. I needed to understand this race. I needed to understand this world and this time. What I had felt for Wesley on that night was something I couldn’t truly understand. It was violent, and painful, and it swallowed me up whole. It was most burdensome, but not so unwanted, I wished to explore it, to embrace it, to understand it. Those same feelings are what gave the strength I had needed on that night. I once believed that these intoxicating emotions would be the inevitable downfall of all humans, but now I began to understand that this was what made them strong.
I thought about Angel & Spike. What I felt for them had been different. I felt a certain loyalty. And the humans that filled this earth, why did I chose to help them when they really meant nothing to me. I didn’t quite know. But I knew it was all connected to that night.
“You have a valid point, Buffy Summers. Some things, it seems, are worth fighting for.” I thought about my words for a brief moment. “I- I think I fight on your side because I believe this is what Wesley would have wanted.”
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Oh, just the process of powerful magics, and crawling out of your grave. Not a big deal. The beginning is a little scary and - Enough.
After I mentioned food, I know that she didn't acknowledge the food part, but maybe she'll understand why I do what I do..why she helps us...me.
“You have a valid point, Buffy Summers. Some things, it seems, are worth fighting for. I- I think I fight on your side because I believe this is what Wesley would have wanted.”
She stopped in between there, and thought about what she had said. She concluded with Wesley. She had feelings for him, and I think she did because..well I didn't know. I'm just glad she had feelings. Honestly, I shouldn't be. She told me that she pretty much murdered this girl out of selfishness.. But I wanted to give her a chance, redemption..it's a big thing. And by the way she talked, she sounded like she was feeling bad. Not for the girl, but for Wesley..and again, I give her credit for feeling. Maybe I under-estimated her, maybe she was feeling bad about killing the girl, torturing her.
But either way-
"Maybe you should because it's what you want? I mean, if you're stuck here, you might as well make friends.. Fight the good fight, and feel good about it. I think that is what Wesley would want. To know that he left this world with a close enough line of good and evil to keep us going."
And I didn't want to mention food again but I did, because, well I hadn't had any...except maybe a peanut when we arrived here. Food sounded really really good. I thought about my food that I hadn't touched when we all went out for dinner and Xander had his narceleptic attack.
As we walked, I thought about everything that had happened since we got back in LA. How everything was probably connected...and how I couldn't for the life of me make them. Angel had been gone, for I don't know how long...and I didn't know it..I was fine with it actually. The whole time in Rome, I thought maybe twice about him and Spike...both of them. And now that I'm here, a huge sence of guilt surpassed me. I blame myself. I could have helped them, instead of eating, and dancing the night away in Rome. I could have made a difference.
The fact that they were tangible, but..not was very disturbing to me. I thought that maybe the answer to where Xander was had to be with Wolfram and Hart..Angel too. That was where we were headed. No matter the consequences.
"Los Angeles isn't much without it's Champion." I said this in a low monotone as we headed toward a dark figure...and down the street toward Wolfram and Hart.
I wondered if anything I told her sank in.. If I made a difference. All I know, Is that what I said kinda made a difference in myself.
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I swallowed her words. Fight the good fight. Wesley had said those very words to me many times in an effort to make me understand things that I wasn’t meant to understand or didn’t bother to make the effort to. Glanced at her and oddly enough I felt the corners of my lips curl slightly forming a small smile.
"Los Angeles isn't much without it's Champion."
“When your leader has fallen, difficult situations are inevitable. We stand firm with or without Angel, for the time being. But we must find him soon. I must find him. I will not let him rot in that hell dimension! We need to make haste, Buffy. Wolfram & Hart is just up ahead.”
As soon as I said these words I noticed a dark figure up ahead. Buffy had noticed it as well. More violence, I thought as I felt another smile come about. I let my god like form surface and envelope me. We approached the dark figure quietly. I was ready for battle. Unfortunately, I knew that just as before, it would end quickly. Most unfortunate, most unfortunate indeed…
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“When your leader has fallen, difficult situations are inevitable. We stand firm with or without Angel, for the time being. But we must find him soon. I must find him. I will not let him rot in that hell dimension! We need to make haste, Buffy. Wolfram & Hart is just up ahead.”
Woah, who called Angel my leader? I just called him the guy that I care for, and happens to be in charge of the 'eliminate evil here.' We both needed to get him out. Even if it meant beating up everyone of those pesky lawyers. Not that I could, considering the technology that they had there. Yes me, old fashioned gal'. Give me a wooden stake, and I'm all set. Point a gun or a teleporting gadget in my face, we might have a problem. A. I'll be very angry, and B... well, I'd end up being teleported.. Like last time.
No need to think negative now, because there was a nice large smelly demon in front of us. The smell made my stomache turn, and I had to cough, and put my hand over my mouth. It growled, and was searching through trash.
"What soap do you use? I've got to make a personal note to put those guys out of business."
And with that, I got in fighting stance, because if it spoke or understood English it was going to be pretty mad. The thing was strong, that's for sure, because it picked up the dumpster and threw it at us.
I dove out of the way, as it hit the ground, completely metal. Trash was everywhere, and I began to understand why the demon smelled so bad..cause Illyria and I were smelling of it too.
Maybe I shouldn't have made that comment...cause it really started to charge at us.
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"What soap do you use? I've got to make a personal note to put those guys out of business."
This seemed to infuriate the demon even more as it threw the nearest object towards us, or towards Buffy to be more precise. She managed to dodge the oncoming trash can as it hit the ground spilling its odiferous contents all around the ground. The filthy demon began to charge at us. I frowned at him and as he got from within inches of me I grabbed it by the arms and sent him towards a near by wall. I was truly disgusted by the demons smelled. It was truly appalling.
“You fitly beast! How dare you charge at us! I shall make you pay by peeling that rotted flesh from that decomposed body and ripping your neck from your putrid shoulders!” I shouted.
The beast got up and began to charge again. As he got close we began to exchange punches, then it kicked me on the face. I took a step back and lost my balance as I stepped on a decayed object that I assumed at one point was some type of edible item, and just like that I was falling backwards on the hard ground. Buffy stepped in and began to fight the demon, showering him with a series of kicks and calculated punches. The demon fought back by grabbing Buffy and slamming her hard against the cement.
I finally got up, angered beyond recognition at the demon for having touched me with its filthy hands. I advanced towards it and punched him hard on the face. Buffy got up from the ground, obviously angered by being slammed hard on it by this inferior being. We gave a quick glance at each other and circled the demon like lionesses on the hunt, ready to tear its prey to pieces. We began to throw a series of punches and high powered kicks towards it, and it began to stagger and until finally we threw one last congruent fatal punch shattering it’s scull to pieces.
We finally looked at each other and Buffy simply began to laugh. I did not understand her reaction, or why she found this situation humorous. But I only shook my head and sighed.
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