I'm Not Alright. I'm Broken inside....
Who: Lilah, open to anyone
Where: Wolfram and Hart Lilah’s office
When: Jan 11th Late Monday night after her seeing Wes with Fred
What: Lilah drinking and trying to figure out how her life became such a mess
Status:complete
Lilah knew that a lot of people thought she had a list of reasons for joining Wolfram and Hart that were a mile long, but the truth was there were really only two reasons she signed her soul away. The first was the death of her father on her eighth birthday. He'd been called away on a business trip and had promised her and her mother that he'd be back for her party. Her father never made it back though, the plane he was coming home on crashed, and when her mother got the news she was never the same. In fact her mother had suffered a mental breakdown that Lilah was told she'd never recover from. Lilah knew that her mother had really suffered the effects of a broken heart though.
The second reason Lilah took Holland Manners up on his offers of power, prestige, a way out of her small town existence, and everything she'd ever wanted was, her college sweetheart and fiancé David's death. His death had been ruled a suicide and had happened on the day of their wedding. So when Holland came calling two days later at the funeral, thinking she had nothing left to loose since her whole world was gone she signed her name in blood and the rest they say is history, or it least it should’ve been.
Lilah’s life and the girl she was before she’d ever heard the name Wolfram and Hart, most days no longer mattered to her or so she let people think. The truth of the matter was while Lilah acted as though she was a solid pillar of icy strength, that’s all it was about eighty percent of the time an act. The only time that Lilah ever let herself think about her reasons for being in her current position was when she was alone and getting so drunk that she became numb. As she walked into her office and looked around the room then at the glittering city below her, she decided that tonight after what had happened with Wesley was one of *those* kind of nights; so she grabbed a bottle or two full of scotch and vodka and sat down on the sofa.
As she opened the bottle of vodka she thought about trying to call the clinic and checking in on her mother, but as she drank down the first swallow of vodka she realized that she wasn’t in the mood for *that* much more heartbreak than what she already had. Plus it was likely that someone at the clinic had told her mother that her only daughter was dead, and a month ago they’d have been right. Lilah liked to think that telling her mother of her death would’ve made a difference, but she knew it probably didn’t since her mother barely remembered her much when she was alive and telling her that they got it ‘wrong’ now wouldn’t’ matter either sadly.
She downed some more vodka and looked out at the city, before getting up and turning on her new stereo system. She hadn’t touched it yet, but tonight just seemed like the time to break it in. She looked through her cd collection that she’d gotten from one of the boxes of her things, which had all been put away in storage. After searching through them for a few moments she put one in and just let the music wash over her, as she sat back down on the sofa with the bottle of scotch. As she listened to the song she let herself get deeply lost in own thoughts. While Lilah let herself get lost in a bottle of vodka, the words, “Lost and insecure You found me, you found me Lying on the floor Surrounded, surrounded Why’d you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late you found me, you found me” of the song played as she downed more vodka and watched the sky start to change colors.
Where: Wolfram and Hart Lilah’s office
When: Jan 11th Late Monday night after her seeing Wes with Fred
What: Lilah drinking and trying to figure out how her life became such a mess
Status:complete
Lilah knew that a lot of people thought she had a list of reasons for joining Wolfram and Hart that were a mile long, but the truth was there were really only two reasons she signed her soul away. The first was the death of her father on her eighth birthday. He'd been called away on a business trip and had promised her and her mother that he'd be back for her party. Her father never made it back though, the plane he was coming home on crashed, and when her mother got the news she was never the same. In fact her mother had suffered a mental breakdown that Lilah was told she'd never recover from. Lilah knew that her mother had really suffered the effects of a broken heart though.
The second reason Lilah took Holland Manners up on his offers of power, prestige, a way out of her small town existence, and everything she'd ever wanted was, her college sweetheart and fiancé David's death. His death had been ruled a suicide and had happened on the day of their wedding. So when Holland came calling two days later at the funeral, thinking she had nothing left to loose since her whole world was gone she signed her name in blood and the rest they say is history, or it least it should’ve been.
Lilah’s life and the girl she was before she’d ever heard the name Wolfram and Hart, most days no longer mattered to her or so she let people think. The truth of the matter was while Lilah acted as though she was a solid pillar of icy strength, that’s all it was about eighty percent of the time an act. The only time that Lilah ever let herself think about her reasons for being in her current position was when she was alone and getting so drunk that she became numb. As she walked into her office and looked around the room then at the glittering city below her, she decided that tonight after what had happened with Wesley was one of *those* kind of nights; so she grabbed a bottle or two full of scotch and vodka and sat down on the sofa.
As she opened the bottle of vodka she thought about trying to call the clinic and checking in on her mother, but as she drank down the first swallow of vodka she realized that she wasn’t in the mood for *that* much more heartbreak than what she already had. Plus it was likely that someone at the clinic had told her mother that her only daughter was dead, and a month ago they’d have been right. Lilah liked to think that telling her mother of her death would’ve made a difference, but she knew it probably didn’t since her mother barely remembered her much when she was alive and telling her that they got it ‘wrong’ now wouldn’t’ matter either sadly.
She downed some more vodka and looked out at the city, before getting up and turning on her new stereo system. She hadn’t touched it yet, but tonight just seemed like the time to break it in. She looked through her cd collection that she’d gotten from one of the boxes of her things, which had all been put away in storage. After searching through them for a few moments she put one in and just let the music wash over her, as she sat back down on the sofa with the bottle of scotch. As she listened to the song she let herself get deeply lost in own thoughts. While Lilah let herself get lost in a bottle of vodka, the words, “Lost and insecure You found me, you found me Lying on the floor Surrounded, surrounded Why’d you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late you found me, you found me” of the song played as she downed more vodka and watched the sky start to change colors.