bumming hard..
the entire weekend was pretty rough..but today was especially bad.
one of my hospital cases died.
and this one hit me really hard..worse than any in the past. i'm sure the circumstances had a lot to do with it.. but man did it tear me in two.
i walked in for my afternoon shift..put Chance in a cage..looked up and saw Jazzmine lying on her side. my breath caught when i noticed her neck draped over the edge of the litter pan..her head on its side in the litter. i called out "Jazzmine?" (she talks to me when i call her name) as i stood there frozen in shock. i ran across the room and frantically fumbled with the tape on the cage door (we tape the cage locks shut when we leave, so animals don't get out and set off the alarm). it was like slow motion. i was reassuring myself..telling myself either she was just sleeping in an awkward position, or maybe she'd *just* died and i could do CPR..revive her. when i finally get the cage door open, i call out "Jazzmine?" and thrust my arm in to shake her.. i immediately feel how cold and stiff she is. i jump back and fucking burst into tears. i had to run out of the room and pull myself together. jesus..i fucking lost it.
it's always rough when an animal you personally cared for dies..when it's your weekend and you're the only one caring for the animal..you get much more emotionally involved. well, that's how it works for me at least. it's one thing to deal with them being euthanized.. but to walk in and find the animal lying there dead? that's never happened to me before. and it was such a shock..she was doing well. her mom had come in to visit just this morning..and she and the doctor were talking about letting Jazzmine go home tomorrow morning. jesus.. i'm glad i wasn't the one who had to call her..
god..i'd been force feeding that cat every 2 hours since thursday afternoon. i am so depressed. i feel responsible..though i know i'm not. on sunday mornings, the tech usually leaves at 10am..but it was so hectic, i didn't leave till 11:30. then instead of coming back around 3 or 4, i decided to come in at 2ish since i had so much to do. so i was only gone 3 hours..as opposed to the usual 5 or 6. just 3 hours. she died in that short amount of time..that's so upsetting. i had *just* seen her..and she was fine. talking and being sweet.
..she was just fine.
fuck. i'm getting all upset again.
i'm so sorry, jazzy.. :(
one of my hospital cases died.
and this one hit me really hard..worse than any in the past. i'm sure the circumstances had a lot to do with it.. but man did it tear me in two.
i walked in for my afternoon shift..put Chance in a cage..looked up and saw Jazzmine lying on her side. my breath caught when i noticed her neck draped over the edge of the litter pan..her head on its side in the litter. i called out "Jazzmine?" (she talks to me when i call her name) as i stood there frozen in shock. i ran across the room and frantically fumbled with the tape on the cage door (we tape the cage locks shut when we leave, so animals don't get out and set off the alarm). it was like slow motion. i was reassuring myself..telling myself either she was just sleeping in an awkward position, or maybe she'd *just* died and i could do CPR..revive her. when i finally get the cage door open, i call out "Jazzmine?" and thrust my arm in to shake her.. i immediately feel how cold and stiff she is. i jump back and fucking burst into tears. i had to run out of the room and pull myself together. jesus..i fucking lost it.
it's always rough when an animal you personally cared for dies..when it's your weekend and you're the only one caring for the animal..you get much more emotionally involved. well, that's how it works for me at least. it's one thing to deal with them being euthanized.. but to walk in and find the animal lying there dead? that's never happened to me before. and it was such a shock..she was doing well. her mom had come in to visit just this morning..and she and the doctor were talking about letting Jazzmine go home tomorrow morning. jesus.. i'm glad i wasn't the one who had to call her..
god..i'd been force feeding that cat every 2 hours since thursday afternoon. i am so depressed. i feel responsible..though i know i'm not. on sunday mornings, the tech usually leaves at 10am..but it was so hectic, i didn't leave till 11:30. then instead of coming back around 3 or 4, i decided to come in at 2ish since i had so much to do. so i was only gone 3 hours..as opposed to the usual 5 or 6. just 3 hours. she died in that short amount of time..that's so upsetting. i had *just* seen her..and she was fine. talking and being sweet.
..she was just fine.
fuck. i'm getting all upset again.
i'm so sorry, jazzy.. :(