(no subject)
i am pretty sick of finding things that I like to do most of the time and if I work hard can get some decent skills at. Where the hell are my talents? I am 26 1/2 years old, with 1 and three 1/2 kids.....is it possible to actually have no talents? Am i doomed to go through life being able to acquire many skills with a ton of hard work and dedication to reach a level of acceptable but certainly not exceptional work?
I mean, I devoted nearly two years to a sales job, that I was mostly ok with and sometimes enjoyed, but had to work 25x harder than most of my coworkers to achieve mediocre results. I'm a good childcare teacher or nanny if I work hard at it constantly, but certainly not great or particularly memorable. I like sewing (and childcare and marketing for that matter) well enough, but lack any sort of true creativity or talent- at best with 100% concentration I can achieve sellable work but even at that I don't possess an ability to detect potential problems or even marketability of products. I am a good writer, better than most people, but I'm pretty confident that is only because for some reason the bar is incredibly low in this particular area- for some strange reason people are ok with the fact that they write at a second-grade level at best. But I don't have any outstanding writing abilities, creative ideas, or extraordinary story lines. I can even sing decently, but certainly not exceptionally and not even particularly well in any genre specifically. I practiced for years playing the violin, only to be an average player at my very peak. I hate people, talking to people, dealing with people. I am shy and extremely cynical and judgemental, which makes most of my human encounters bearable at best but mostly uncomfortable on one end or another.
I just want to do something with my life where I can feel at the end of the day like I did something very well. I'd like to find my niche where people will continually (or even one person one time) say things like "wow this is an amazing thing you're doing here" or "only you could do this." Is this too much to ask from life? All of my life I have heard of such ridiculous things as finding one's vocation, calling, talent, passion, etc and yet in my personal experience, I can at best have one of those things but not at the exclusion of any other activity/career.
I mean, I devoted nearly two years to a sales job, that I was mostly ok with and sometimes enjoyed, but had to work 25x harder than most of my coworkers to achieve mediocre results. I'm a good childcare teacher or nanny if I work hard at it constantly, but certainly not great or particularly memorable. I like sewing (and childcare and marketing for that matter) well enough, but lack any sort of true creativity or talent- at best with 100% concentration I can achieve sellable work but even at that I don't possess an ability to detect potential problems or even marketability of products. I am a good writer, better than most people, but I'm pretty confident that is only because for some reason the bar is incredibly low in this particular area- for some strange reason people are ok with the fact that they write at a second-grade level at best. But I don't have any outstanding writing abilities, creative ideas, or extraordinary story lines. I can even sing decently, but certainly not exceptionally and not even particularly well in any genre specifically. I practiced for years playing the violin, only to be an average player at my very peak. I hate people, talking to people, dealing with people. I am shy and extremely cynical and judgemental, which makes most of my human encounters bearable at best but mostly uncomfortable on one end or another.
I just want to do something with my life where I can feel at the end of the day like I did something very well. I'd like to find my niche where people will continually (or even one person one time) say things like "wow this is an amazing thing you're doing here" or "only you could do this." Is this too much to ask from life? All of my life I have heard of such ridiculous things as finding one's vocation, calling, talent, passion, etc and yet in my personal experience, I can at best have one of those things but not at the exclusion of any other activity/career.