Ummm yeah and so I am good at....what again?
I feel like a complete failure as a person lately, it seems like everything I do, I do wrong. First of all, as a person who is growing another person inside of me, I suck. I keep losing and losing weight and it was...acceptable in my first trimester, but now I'm in my second trimester and it's still going on. The doctor keeps saying I need to eat, I am eating I say just like normal, well eat more than that she says. Well, ok, I never thought I'd have this problem. I felt miserable from like week 5 until week 12ish and now I could swear I'm feeling so much better, and I'm not nauseous all the time....well except for when I think about food or look at food or hear about food and a few other times.
And then there's the fact that I've thrown up more since i got past that stage than I did in that stage. And throwing up doesn't help me put on weight by the way or eat more or have the desire to eat more.
Next failure has to do with me always being sick therefore failing at life and mostly at work. I've gone literally one sickness to another for the past six weeks or maybe eight. I've had two or three colds, two sinus infections, a gastro-intestinal virus, and now bronchiospasms sp?
I had to go in two hours late today (mind you, the only time I took off for sick days were while I was throwing up non-stop and on percoset sp? and today being late even though Friday I walked to the bus stop with a fever, no voice, and barely standing up straight). And not only can I hear the disgust dripping off their voices when I talk to either of my "bosses" about anything, but today I woke up at four in the morning unable to catch my breath, and since it has happened a lot before i just waited until 8 oclock and called to go in and the OBGYN wanted me to see my primary bc they dont know about asthma then my primary clinic wouldn't see me bc I was pregnant and they wanted me to see a doc who has OB experience and they didn't have any openings. They gave me the run-around for two hours and by then I knew I needed to go to the hospital because it was so much worse by then.
So today TODAY when I get into work, barely breathing, knowing I couldn't take time off if I wanted to, by boss takes me aside and says she and my coworkers think I'm unreliable because I'm always sick and I 'm always out sick and in late and leaving early. So I'm shocked into silence because who are all of my coworkers who think I'm unreliable and I've felt more miserable in the past three months than any other time in my life but I've come in EVERY day and worked my full shift except for two days a month ago and came in late today because I couldn't breathe and was in the hospital....So I say that, or rather "I didn't realize I was often late or out sick, I thought this was the first time I was in late because i was sick (we realize I got hit while parked on the way to work the other day and THAT made me late) and I only took two sick days when I was constantly throwing up. Ok well, as she talks more it comes out that ONE coworker said something to her (and one coworker who everyone complains never does her part and is constantly bringing home crises into our workday mostly by taking it out on the babies) and hey, now that I mentioned it I think she realized I haven't been out much, and that ONE coworker didn't think I was unreliable because of what I've done she thought I was unreliable because I'm always sick and she doesn't know if I'll show up because I don't feel good.
So then, I'm understanding. But I wanna tackle my boss' frustration because I can hear it and feel it and she uses my interview and says she made it clear then that she needed someone dependable and now we've lost four staff people that we can't replace and we're running on bare minimum everything.
Ok, lost my train of thought, I'll come back later. Or at least I say that and intend to, but it never really happens
And then there's the fact that I've thrown up more since i got past that stage than I did in that stage. And throwing up doesn't help me put on weight by the way or eat more or have the desire to eat more.
Next failure has to do with me always being sick therefore failing at life and mostly at work. I've gone literally one sickness to another for the past six weeks or maybe eight. I've had two or three colds, two sinus infections, a gastro-intestinal virus, and now bronchiospasms sp?
I had to go in two hours late today (mind you, the only time I took off for sick days were while I was throwing up non-stop and on percoset sp? and today being late even though Friday I walked to the bus stop with a fever, no voice, and barely standing up straight). And not only can I hear the disgust dripping off their voices when I talk to either of my "bosses" about anything, but today I woke up at four in the morning unable to catch my breath, and since it has happened a lot before i just waited until 8 oclock and called to go in and the OBGYN wanted me to see my primary bc they dont know about asthma then my primary clinic wouldn't see me bc I was pregnant and they wanted me to see a doc who has OB experience and they didn't have any openings. They gave me the run-around for two hours and by then I knew I needed to go to the hospital because it was so much worse by then.
So today TODAY when I get into work, barely breathing, knowing I couldn't take time off if I wanted to, by boss takes me aside and says she and my coworkers think I'm unreliable because I'm always sick and I 'm always out sick and in late and leaving early. So I'm shocked into silence because who are all of my coworkers who think I'm unreliable and I've felt more miserable in the past three months than any other time in my life but I've come in EVERY day and worked my full shift except for two days a month ago and came in late today because I couldn't breathe and was in the hospital....So I say that, or rather "I didn't realize I was often late or out sick, I thought this was the first time I was in late because i was sick (we realize I got hit while parked on the way to work the other day and THAT made me late) and I only took two sick days when I was constantly throwing up. Ok well, as she talks more it comes out that ONE coworker said something to her (and one coworker who everyone complains never does her part and is constantly bringing home crises into our workday mostly by taking it out on the babies) and hey, now that I mentioned it I think she realized I haven't been out much, and that ONE coworker didn't think I was unreliable because of what I've done she thought I was unreliable because I'm always sick and she doesn't know if I'll show up because I don't feel good.
So then, I'm understanding. But I wanna tackle my boss' frustration because I can hear it and feel it and she uses my interview and says she made it clear then that she needed someone dependable and now we've lost four staff people that we can't replace and we're running on bare minimum everything.
Ok, lost my train of thought, I'll come back later. Or at least I say that and intend to, but it never really happens