valerie=burnt out
i've been doing a lot of thinking these past few days. weeks. months.
this summer.... should i get back together with shane? august was fun, i can't lie about that. but there was definately a reason why i didn't want to try to make things work. whether it was leaving for college, my fear of commitment, or the fact that i was afraid i would be cheated on i don't know. maybe it's time for me to open myself up to hurt again. but after what happened with jervon i don't think i want to go through with all the fights/tears/anguish again. but it is the heights. my comfort. the place i'm ready to go back too. maybe i've just been thinking too much about everyone else and their problems and for once i want to think about me instead of everyone else and dealing with everyone else's problems.
i think i've finally gotten over my lifelong crush too. you know when you kiss someone, who you get that tingle in your stomach and you feel like there's fireworks and you want it to be a cheesy classic movie kiss? it wasn't there. nothing. could it be because i've matured and grown? could it be that my heart lies elsewhere? could it be that i'm ready for something more then a crush? and dare i say it.....gasp! the "l" word?
in other words i think i just made my decision. no shane. no more looking. no more searching. no more wanting. no more being afraid. no more trying to change what i can't. i'm ready to "insert cliche here" and "insert even cheesier cliche here".
"doesn't anybody every just have a week that sucks and they want to forget about it?"
9 more days.
this summer.... should i get back together with shane? august was fun, i can't lie about that. but there was definately a reason why i didn't want to try to make things work. whether it was leaving for college, my fear of commitment, or the fact that i was afraid i would be cheated on i don't know. maybe it's time for me to open myself up to hurt again. but after what happened with jervon i don't think i want to go through with all the fights/tears/anguish again. but it is the heights. my comfort. the place i'm ready to go back too. maybe i've just been thinking too much about everyone else and their problems and for once i want to think about me instead of everyone else and dealing with everyone else's problems.
i think i've finally gotten over my lifelong crush too. you know when you kiss someone, who you get that tingle in your stomach and you feel like there's fireworks and you want it to be a cheesy classic movie kiss? it wasn't there. nothing. could it be because i've matured and grown? could it be that my heart lies elsewhere? could it be that i'm ready for something more then a crush? and dare i say it.....gasp! the "l" word?
in other words i think i just made my decision. no shane. no more looking. no more searching. no more wanting. no more being afraid. no more trying to change what i can't. i'm ready to "insert cliche here" and "insert even cheesier cliche here".
"doesn't anybody every just have a week that sucks and they want to forget about it?"
9 more days.