Pondering
I am starting to wonder why it is so easy for something to set someone off. In the sense of murderers it could be a sound, or something that looks like a memory that sets them off into a rampage.
Why are humans always on the edge of the knife with sanity, emotions, etc? I know most people will probably say I am exaggerating right now, but they probably can't put themselves in my shoes.
Currently I am home alone, and I was expecting to have one of my close friends come over, but then she told me that she's busy the entire week. Now, it's fine that she's busy, and that she can't come, the problem is: I was upset last night, sad, angry, all these other emotions and her not being able to come is a big let down to me.
I am also scared. I mean, I've been home alone before, all day even, but never to the point where continually I will be alone. I'm not sure if mentally I can handle waking up every morning and knowing that nobody will be around in a few hours. Just me and the dogs. And it's scary, and upsetting. It makes me think about how it will be if I go far away to go to college. I'm not sure I could handle it.
My family and friends mean far too much to me. Of course it's too early to be bothering anybody right now, so what am I stuck with? I am stuck with myself, to wallow in my sorrows.
And why is this bad? Well for those who know me, they know that I will keep thinking about upsetting things until I get to the point where I am inconsolable. I am trying to stay away from it currently, that's why I'm writing. But all these little factors around me keep working against my mood, and make it harder and harder to actually smile.
Do I want someone to be around? Yes. Do I want someone around right now? No. Why? Because if they try to help me I will probably hurt them in my upset comments. How do I know? Because I've already done it. Why am I so sure on this? Because I do it all the time. Is this one of my problems? Yes. Am I trying to fix it? Yes. Can I do it alone? No. How can I be helped? You got me there.
Why are humans always on the edge of the knife with sanity, emotions, etc? I know most people will probably say I am exaggerating right now, but they probably can't put themselves in my shoes.
Currently I am home alone, and I was expecting to have one of my close friends come over, but then she told me that she's busy the entire week. Now, it's fine that she's busy, and that she can't come, the problem is: I was upset last night, sad, angry, all these other emotions and her not being able to come is a big let down to me.
I am also scared. I mean, I've been home alone before, all day even, but never to the point where continually I will be alone. I'm not sure if mentally I can handle waking up every morning and knowing that nobody will be around in a few hours. Just me and the dogs. And it's scary, and upsetting. It makes me think about how it will be if I go far away to go to college. I'm not sure I could handle it.
My family and friends mean far too much to me. Of course it's too early to be bothering anybody right now, so what am I stuck with? I am stuck with myself, to wallow in my sorrows.
And why is this bad? Well for those who know me, they know that I will keep thinking about upsetting things until I get to the point where I am inconsolable. I am trying to stay away from it currently, that's why I'm writing. But all these little factors around me keep working against my mood, and make it harder and harder to actually smile.
Do I want someone to be around? Yes. Do I want someone around right now? No. Why? Because if they try to help me I will probably hurt them in my upset comments. How do I know? Because I've already done it. Why am I so sure on this? Because I do it all the time. Is this one of my problems? Yes. Am I trying to fix it? Yes. Can I do it alone? No. How can I be helped? You got me there.