the life style of not my choice
ok where was i like i said he wiped my eyes gave me a kiss and said he loved me.....and he did love me there never was a dought in my mind......but drugs can make you think something wrong is something right.....jerimiahs drugs of choice where....crank, cocain,and herowin......the drugs i did where because of him...all my friends think it was just a lil pot and some pills...but....it wasn't even close.....i did what jerimiah did...cocain, herowin, and speed...i never tried crank because i was too scaired..... i never wanted to do drugs but when i met him......i was in a shitty place in my life......and he provided a solution for the pain.....and i went to rehab when i was 14 for speed and cocain so i have had problems befor...and being around him.....made me weak...... jerimiah wasn't a bad guy....he just fucked up his life when he was young and it trying to kill the pain with drugs.....i mean if ppl are bad because of what they do then i am the worst......i didnt even rember him raping me until i droped outta school(cuz my mom found out i was skipping) and got off the drugs......when i elized what had happened i didn't fall apart... i just got over it....i mean it was the 2nd time i had been raped.....i loved jerimiah i did and i tried to help him.....but he didn't want my help..... so i was so depressed that i couldnt help this on guy that i took 8 different kinds of pills and cried till i couldn't feel any pain..... i woke up in the hospital....they made me drink this chalkie shit to clean out my system..... i took over 65 pills and i did know what i took so it was hard to figure out what to give me to make me feel like i wasnt going to die.......i felt bad that my mom had to put up with my bull shit.....so when i got home i tried to appologize for being such an idiot...but she just wanted to make me hurt.......so she got drunk and beat me....she almost broke my jaw.........i didnt cry because i deserved it.......i have been throw a lot of stuff...but i dont feel like i didn't deserve it all......because i did...... i was a shiity person and i deserved to get beat,raped,kicked out and any thing else that happens to me.......and every one wants to help me get through this life and make it easier to cope with the pain.....but i refuse i dont want ppl to feel what i have felt..........i have tryed to die over 8 times.....i have scars on my rist and my stomach and liver a fucked.......not a day goes by i dont think about......dieing...... i think well what if i get hit by a bus or some thing........and it scaires the hell out of every 1 including my self about how i dont care if i die or not........ppl shouldnt have to go through shit like me but millions do every day and if your one of the ones out there who do go through this shit....i just want you to know...it is NOT your falt.........nothing is......and you do deserve better...........and you are not alone......
CRICKET
CRICKET