on friendship, happiness, forgiveness & forgetting...
i've learned that no matter how much I've grown and changed... the things that remain are my views regarding friendship, happiness, forgiving and forgetting...
1.) friendship... i think naming someone as my "best friend" already dooms the friendship... i have yet to have a "best friend" who has not lied, cheated, backstabbed, and/or ommitted the truth from me. I used to wonder, "Is it me?" And then I realized, "Yes and No."
"Yes" because I'm too nice. Once someone is my friend, I hold everything that we've gone through near and dear to my heart... so obviously, no matter how fucked up they have been... I end up looking back at the times when they were good to me... and somehow, I end up brushing off the bad stuff when they need me.
And even when they don't need me, I always worry about their well-being.
"No" because it's not my fault that people don't know the meaning of true friendships. I think that sometimes people don't really understand what friendship means and because they haven't defined it for themselves, then they don't know how to be a friend and/or treat a friend.
2.) forgiving & forgetting... Honest to goodness... I hold grudges. It's not because I'm a bitch -although rubester may like to differ- but you know, how else are you going to learn? I would like to think that I am fair though when it comes to forgiving... If you are genuinely sorry and you actually apologize to me on your own and in your own terms... I go back to my take on friendships (i remember the goodness of a person) and end up forgiving them no matter how scandalous and down-right nasty they've been. (and you know, sometimes a person doesn't even say sorry and for some odd reason, I think about how much we went through in our friendship that I end up forgiving them anyway -in my own time and way, of course-) -However, forgetting is not something that I do right away... I think time and a change in people actually help me to gradually forget (I don't forget the big picture though, just the small details of what happened).
A friend of mine recently said to me, "It's so unfair. When he was with me, he couldn't stand up for me to his mother. And now he's with someone that his whole family doesn't even like and there he is all heroic and defensive about her to every single one of his family members."
This was all that I could say, "People only change when they are in new relationships with someone new." Enough said.
3.) Happiness.
I have now moved on to my filing cabinets and actually read the stuff that's inside. There are sent and unsent letters/emails but you know, they all pretty much contain the same shit:
"I want you to be happy even if it's not with me." -00'-
"I can't stand the thought of me being hurt by you, but I just want you to be happy even if it's with someone new." -04'-
yes, that reflects my view regarding #1: friendships....you know, when I think about how someone was good to me and was there for me... so i end up wanting to be a friend and being supportive of them...
That sucks, but you know, I would like to think that it just means I'm a better person for it. Okay, so what about you? Any views that have not changed even if other things in your life has?
--by the way, the other day, I was sitting at Wendy's and having a lovely lunch when this guy sits at the next table and I couldn't help but stare at him forever... He looked a lot like ___ and even his food consumption matched what ___ orders. That made me remember the last time we ate at that specific Wendy's together and I laughed at the thought that it was with my cousins' and right before they dove into Best Western's swimming pool. glad to know I have some awesome possum memories--
1.) friendship... i think naming someone as my "best friend" already dooms the friendship... i have yet to have a "best friend" who has not lied, cheated, backstabbed, and/or ommitted the truth from me. I used to wonder, "Is it me?" And then I realized, "Yes and No."
"Yes" because I'm too nice. Once someone is my friend, I hold everything that we've gone through near and dear to my heart... so obviously, no matter how fucked up they have been... I end up looking back at the times when they were good to me... and somehow, I end up brushing off the bad stuff when they need me.
And even when they don't need me, I always worry about their well-being.
"No" because it's not my fault that people don't know the meaning of true friendships. I think that sometimes people don't really understand what friendship means and because they haven't defined it for themselves, then they don't know how to be a friend and/or treat a friend.
2.) forgiving & forgetting... Honest to goodness... I hold grudges. It's not because I'm a bitch -although rubester may like to differ- but you know, how else are you going to learn? I would like to think that I am fair though when it comes to forgiving... If you are genuinely sorry and you actually apologize to me on your own and in your own terms... I go back to my take on friendships (i remember the goodness of a person) and end up forgiving them no matter how scandalous and down-right nasty they've been. (and you know, sometimes a person doesn't even say sorry and for some odd reason, I think about how much we went through in our friendship that I end up forgiving them anyway -in my own time and way, of course-) -However, forgetting is not something that I do right away... I think time and a change in people actually help me to gradually forget (I don't forget the big picture though, just the small details of what happened).
A friend of mine recently said to me, "It's so unfair. When he was with me, he couldn't stand up for me to his mother. And now he's with someone that his whole family doesn't even like and there he is all heroic and defensive about her to every single one of his family members."
This was all that I could say, "People only change when they are in new relationships with someone new." Enough said.
3.) Happiness.
I have now moved on to my filing cabinets and actually read the stuff that's inside. There are sent and unsent letters/emails but you know, they all pretty much contain the same shit:
"I want you to be happy even if it's not with me." -00'-
"I can't stand the thought of me being hurt by you, but I just want you to be happy even if it's with someone new." -04'-
yes, that reflects my view regarding #1: friendships....you know, when I think about how someone was good to me and was there for me... so i end up wanting to be a friend and being supportive of them...
That sucks, but you know, I would like to think that it just means I'm a better person for it. Okay, so what about you? Any views that have not changed even if other things in your life has?
--by the way, the other day, I was sitting at Wendy's and having a lovely lunch when this guy sits at the next table and I couldn't help but stare at him forever... He looked a lot like ___ and even his food consumption matched what ___ orders. That made me remember the last time we ate at that specific Wendy's together and I laughed at the thought that it was with my cousins' and right before they dove into Best Western's swimming pool. glad to know I have some awesome possum memories--