(no subject)
well i finally told my dad that i met my mom. he was real coo bout it. i dunno. today sucked. i went and filled out applications at the mall and happened to run into one of my ex's and shit. and i really didnt want to see him. but wut can i do. then i got into a fight wit my dad and my sis. over stupid shit but still. i feel so shitty inside right now and i really just wish i had someone to talk to cuz it really feels like no one cares. i mean i dont kno wuts wrong wit me. i should be happy. i cant understand y im not. i got a man that cares 4 me, i finally was honest to my dad, im tryin to get a job, im hopefully goin back to south. but yet im still not happy. my heart hurts everytime i see all my friends so happy and in love wit there man/gurl. i mean u dont kno how hard it is to see the one u luv be in luv wit someone else. to be so happy to be wit that person and u would do anythin to be wit them. but theres nuthin u can do. u cant control the heart. u cant control who u luv. i wish that i just couldnt feel anythin at all. then at least i couldnt feel the pain. cuz i swear these days thats all i ever feel. i feel like im not even livin anymore. like i can watch myself just goin through the everyday motions but not really livin. like im dead inside. i just want to get away from it all. just disappear. cuz i cant deal wit this shit anymore. and i keep havin these flashbacks of shit that happened to me when i was a kid. i mean real fucked up shit. but i cant get it out of my head. no matter wut i do its always there. it wish it would just go away. i just wish everythin would go away.