(no subject)
well im just sittin at my dads house. bored as hell. feelin all depressed bout shit, listenin to love songs. u wanna kno somethin love fuckin sucks. why does it always fall for someone who never feels the same. i dont understand it. all it does is cause pain. like when u see the person u luv wit some other female and ur heart feels like it just got ran over a million times but the thing is u dont even kno if its they go wit that person or if its just a friend. after all u walked around wit em all the time and u were just friends. but now i've gone and fucked everythin up. i always do. i dont kno how to act around this person anymore or wut to say to em anymore. when i do see em or talk to em i always make an excuse to leave. but wut i really wanna do is stay. to just be by them and to hear their voice. wut i really want is for them to luv me like i do them. but that never happens. no one ever luvs me. its like im destined to be alone. i feel like im never gonna be happy. and every time i think i am some shit happens. and everytime im wit someone i push them away. i dont kno how to be close to people and it scares me when there close to me. when they get inside my head. that scares the livin shit outta me. because i never let people get it and when they do, despite everythin its scary. i dont kno how to wit anyone. i kno how to be friends and i kno how to mess around wit someone. but i dont kno how to be wit someone. like really wit them. in a lovin relationship. cuz i've never had that. everytime i end up luvin someone my heart gets broke.its like a never endin cycle. and each time it rips a piece of my heart and eventually there will be nothin left. i feel so alone. i just wish someone would luv me. despite everythin i do wrong and all my faults inside and out. just let me kno they care. or just to tell me they dont so then i would kno. cuz the only thin worse then not havin someone luv u when u luv them is to not kno weather or not they do luv u. i dont kno wut to do. im so fuckin confused and my heart hurts so bad i feel like im gonna drop at any minute. i just wanna be luved. is that really too much to ask 4? i see all these happy people and happy couples and i wonder why cant that be me. why is it so impossible for someone to luv me. wut the hell is wrong wit me???