time for another update
well i havnt actually updated in here about my days lately now have i? man im slacking!! that outage messed me up!!! hah as i say this i get this comment from krystal..youngxnxangry: lol finally haha thanks krystal! yea lately ive been in a down mood and i havnt idk..time wise isnt on my side. Happiness has not found me in this new year but of course when im with brett(ohh yess) sweet tempations ahh !! lol sorry..emo long road trip i feel as if im on..o well not to bad..im being myself and i must say i love it. lately me and krystal have been talking alot and its really awesome. shes an awesome person and yeah shes just a cool person to be around. Some bad things that have happened is i havnt actually talked to taylore for like a week and its starting to bother me. i miss her alot. i feel so distent since shes been color guard and i really hope it wont rip us apart, no questions shes still my bestfriend(that cant be changed) but idk we havnt talked in FOREVER.. but yes other than that, my family has been taking a LONG road trip down the road of "problems" my mom yells all the time, and i know you are prolly like omg all mothers yell..but no it affects me more. most of you have siblings or fathers or someone to run to..i have noone. and the only person that i feel actually will sit down with me and care for my feelings and actually give advice is but a couple ppl and yes they know who they are so no need for names but it just bothers me how much ive "changed" i guess its for the better and yes im happier but ive lost to many friends for my comfort and its starting to catch up to me. the other nite i cried for the first time since my dads furnal in front of my mom and it was about the hardest thing ive ever done in my life. and i mean i was crying not for what she was angry about (my final grades) but for the fact that me and her have NO relationship as a daughter=mother ...and that hurts..bad...i just wish i could turn back time and stay open and close with her when my dad died. When he died i sat there in front of the coffin and told myself i was gonna pull myself away from everyone, the world EVERYTHING and i did..and idk it might of ruined my life but i pulled myself away from my mom and that was deffinally not good, she doesnt talk to me about her feelings and i clearly dont talk to her about my feelings or problems..the other nite we were yelling back and forth and i just looked at her (crying) and said "do you even know who i am?..do you even know what im going thru in my life, do you even care" and she looked at me and walked away. just like that..no words came from her mouth. and then the next day no words were spoken of it..nothing..it was like it never happened..i dont know what to do anymore. i took my counslers advice, my aunts and my friends..but it didnt work..i give up on myself making her have a mother daugher relationship..its useless..i give up on my whole family.
okay about school lately. Since we just got done with finals of course on monday we get our report cards..damnit! and yes i got a D- on the final in MWS and a F on the english final..it was totally hard..it pisses me off how badly i did..but idk it is my first year in highschool and i think i just pushed myself to hard. im thinking of having my AVID teacher call my mom and have a convo with her or making a conference time so my teacher can talk to my mom becuz she doesnt understand anything. and my teacher was talking to me today and she said that she understands why i did bad and everything idk im glad atleast one adult gets me and why i did poorly on it...geez i hate school so badly. well i wrote alot and i got ppl waiting for this so im gonna stop now. tomorrow brett is coming over if the snow doesnt get to badly so that makes my weekend SUPER. i might be grounded after monday for awhile so if i dont update for a while you know why (REPORT CARDS!!) but ill update from the school computers..hah yess badd girl!! hah alright later times everyone.
okay about school lately. Since we just got done with finals of course on monday we get our report cards..damnit! and yes i got a D- on the final in MWS and a F on the english final..it was totally hard..it pisses me off how badly i did..but idk it is my first year in highschool and i think i just pushed myself to hard. im thinking of having my AVID teacher call my mom and have a convo with her or making a conference time so my teacher can talk to my mom becuz she doesnt understand anything. and my teacher was talking to me today and she said that she understands why i did bad and everything idk im glad atleast one adult gets me and why i did poorly on it...geez i hate school so badly. well i wrote alot and i got ppl waiting for this so im gonna stop now. tomorrow brett is coming over if the snow doesnt get to badly so that makes my weekend SUPER. i might be grounded after monday for awhile so if i dont update for a while you know why (REPORT CARDS!!) but ill update from the school computers..hah yess badd girl!! hah alright later times everyone.