[paper journal]
Called Her today. She did the same thing she always does. Didn't buy it this time. Still upset me. Sometimes I just wish I could die.
Julian's still gone. God, I hope he's okay. I'm scared for him, and I feel selfish that I'm scared for me too. I hope where ever he is, he's safe. He's got to be scared, too.
I wish he'd at least call his Mom. She's so sweet and so frightened for him. I worry for her so much. I try to help as much as I can, though. Though it can never be enough. Julian needs to come back to her and I hope that his Dad can just...see that he's still his son.
I'm sort of going stir crazy here, and I'm not sure what to do. I mean, I can get out for rehearsal, but that's about it. I want to go somewhere, but I also...I don't want people seeing me like this. The people at rehearsal are okay, but...people look at you strangely when your face is bruised and hurt.
At least things are healing, though these bruises aren't going away anytime soon. Probably still have them when I go back to school. They don't hurt real bad unless I bump them, at least. At least Elias doesn't mind. He's such a sweetie. I miss him a whole lot.
Stuff outside is healing, at least. But when does it stop hurting inside? Sometimes I feel like it's bleeding inside me, and I feel like screaming and howling until I can't even think anymore.
I need to sleep. At least when I'm asleep, I don't have to think about these things.
Julian's still gone. God, I hope he's okay. I'm scared for him, and I feel selfish that I'm scared for me too. I hope where ever he is, he's safe. He's got to be scared, too.
I wish he'd at least call his Mom. She's so sweet and so frightened for him. I worry for her so much. I try to help as much as I can, though. Though it can never be enough. Julian needs to come back to her and I hope that his Dad can just...see that he's still his son.
I'm sort of going stir crazy here, and I'm not sure what to do. I mean, I can get out for rehearsal, but that's about it. I want to go somewhere, but I also...I don't want people seeing me like this. The people at rehearsal are okay, but...people look at you strangely when your face is bruised and hurt.
At least things are healing, though these bruises aren't going away anytime soon. Probably still have them when I go back to school. They don't hurt real bad unless I bump them, at least. At least Elias doesn't mind. He's such a sweetie. I miss him a whole lot.
Stuff outside is healing, at least. But when does it stop hurting inside? Sometimes I feel like it's bleeding inside me, and I feel like screaming and howling until I can't even think anymore.
I need to sleep. At least when I'm asleep, I don't have to think about these things.