the world will follow after
does it make me a bad person that i wanted to be shallow for one evening?
am i non-deserving of friendship just because i couldn't put up with the fact that someone knew me?
i had a moment on saturday
it was very similar to how they used to be
i wanted away from everyone who could read me and tell me how to solve my problems
i wanted someone who would tell me that i'd need copious amounts of plastic and a very sharp knife
guess what?
i got that
being around beautiful people always makes me feel better. especially when they want me around.
when they invite me out.
when they tell me i'm not fat and don't look it and won't ever be it
it's a lie right?
it's all a dream that people conjure up to make themselves feel better
i've not been this bitter in a while
scenequeens are like that though
they drag out the best and the worst in you
its entirely possible that i dreamed up the last 24 hours and that i never really did much with my night
the only way i know its real is the sense of utter collapse in my chest
i've no heart. just a cavity.
it's gaping
it's not pretty
but somewhere inside of me there's a string and it's attached to my head
and every now and then someone pulls on it
and i'm pretty much just ready to kill myself when that happens
and it's happening again
maybe i need a professional
but then again professionals built the titanic
maybe i need and amateur
the ark sure as hell didn't sink