Why is it that once I say something...
am I the only one who ever gets the feeling that the world is out to get them?
Sods Law right?
yeah its kind of annoying me right now 'kay? no matter what i say or what i do, i never seem to be able to stick to something
i told myself that i'd start writing in this every day. how long did THAT last for?
oh...about three seconds.
i get used to not doing things y'know?
i'm used to not having to get up before 7.04 in the mornings
i'm used to leaving the house somewhere between 7.28 and 7.34
i'm used to being just on time for college.
but then it starts. something gets in the way.
i've been late every day this week. i've still done nothing about it because i'm used to doing things my way
but thats all beside the point
i keep saying i'm gonna quit smoking.
okay so i've done a week and a half or so right?
monday the 1st of dec was the last day i had a full one
i had a drag today tho.
it reminded me of the reasons why i quit.
1. it tastes FOUL
2. it makes me feel physically sick
3. i am prone to choking coz of the bitsy cold i've got
4. it smells. period.
so i reckon i'm gonna be doing good. throwing up is an incentive for everyone i think.
quickly teaches you whats bad and whats good.
okay i say everyone...i guess i mean most people who don't have the mentality of a fourteen year old after their first alcoholic drink.
but whatever.
i keep saying i'm going to do more practice.
i have a music alevel to pass.
how the hell am i gonna do that when i don't play my goddamn instruments?
i know its my own fault.
i have a timetable up on my wall so that i keep doing things
i still don't
i'm pretty useless when it comes to things like this.
oh i can plan a roadtrip a month in advance.
can i plan an essay three DAYS in advance?
no, is the answer, if you were wondering.
i wasted an hour tonight doing nothing.
well...listening to FOBs new album but seriously, nothing
i could have learnt a new piece by then
i could have figured out the new bass lines i need
i could have written that sodding bass line i need to write.
but i didn't
i sat and watched 57 minutes tick by
i really could have something better to do on a friday night
sucks that its winter
i could have done all my college work
i have five mock exams next week
i'll fail them all no doubt
but really...who cares?
oh yeah...those little institutions called universities.
i really do have the best intentions
i wanna keep a record of my mental and physical state
what better way to do it than post it on the internet where everyone can find it
it's still further away from my parents grubby little mitts than anything else in the world
i wanna pass my exams
but there's no way i'm going to be getting the grades i need
i just don't have the time
seriously
it's hard
i sound like a whiney brat now.
people have had it harder than me
those people wanted it more
i just want the future
and whatever the future brings
coz whatever i do, someone's gonna bite me in the ass for it.
maybe