I'm back to relieve my feelings
People aways tell me to look into the future cause that is what matter only in life. The past is your past and forget about it. But its kind of hard to do that. Today made me see it more clearly. I've been seeing everything with a blur. I looked back into my journal entries and my emails, my personal records of my life. Weird how i have everything stored and organized and i don't use it. Anyways...
I had many boyfriend and they were all great sweet and everything you can think of that seems perfect. It could have last if i would have put more into it. Yea i sound like a bitch and i'm sorry but i had issues of my own and i hide them all with innocence's and a smile. You could say i had no one that understood me. But i know how everyone felt and probably knew what was going on with them. but i acted like a didn't. It was more like a defense boundary for me. Yea yea i'm weird. Anyways...
But today everything was different, friends simply friends, but when i'm close to him i wish i can always be in that same position forever. Like my whole soul just slips out of me and i feel calm. I just want him to tell me everything is going to be ok and things will change. I mean when have i ever felt like that when someone else just hugged me. NEVER with no one. I'm glad we are friends, but at that moment i wish we were more then friends. I just want to be held in his arms and i swear tears would just flow and i wouldn't know why and exact for what for. Anyways...
Today when we talked yea words were exchange that probably hurt us in a way but among us we know it is to help eachother. But when I saw his eyes, they are lost and wondering. They looked so sad. But they looked so clear. Beside that he wasn't feeling well. Like he wants to let someone in but i don't he is a complicated man. Like he is a lock and to actually be eye to eye to him u need to unlock a code....... Ok ok maybe not true but thats what i think. If he only knew exactly how much he means me, and i'm sorry if i never seem to show it and act like it. But kinda like you said you need that space except mine is much wider but much more meaning full. I understand how you feel, i might not agree because i'm the same way.
These are my thoughts, stay tune for more. Please don't underestimate me. I'm Fragile
I had many boyfriend and they were all great sweet and everything you can think of that seems perfect. It could have last if i would have put more into it. Yea i sound like a bitch and i'm sorry but i had issues of my own and i hide them all with innocence's and a smile. You could say i had no one that understood me. But i know how everyone felt and probably knew what was going on with them. but i acted like a didn't. It was more like a defense boundary for me. Yea yea i'm weird. Anyways...
But today everything was different, friends simply friends, but when i'm close to him i wish i can always be in that same position forever. Like my whole soul just slips out of me and i feel calm. I just want him to tell me everything is going to be ok and things will change. I mean when have i ever felt like that when someone else just hugged me. NEVER with no one. I'm glad we are friends, but at that moment i wish we were more then friends. I just want to be held in his arms and i swear tears would just flow and i wouldn't know why and exact for what for. Anyways...
Today when we talked yea words were exchange that probably hurt us in a way but among us we know it is to help eachother. But when I saw his eyes, they are lost and wondering. They looked so sad. But they looked so clear. Beside that he wasn't feeling well. Like he wants to let someone in but i don't he is a complicated man. Like he is a lock and to actually be eye to eye to him u need to unlock a code....... Ok ok maybe not true but thats what i think. If he only knew exactly how much he means me, and i'm sorry if i never seem to show it and act like it. But kinda like you said you need that space except mine is much wider but much more meaning full. I understand how you feel, i might not agree because i'm the same way.
These are my thoughts, stay tune for more. Please don't underestimate me. I'm Fragile