Like Gregory House, the vicadin just doesn't work like it used to..
My kidneys are exacting their revenge on me I guess...Silly me thinking my kidney stones would lie low until after my wedding.. silly me thinking that the stress over both that and the wedding would put me back into depression...which in turn probably stirred up the stones in my kidney(s)... I can't go to work like this.. because either I'm in pain and can't focus on my work, or I'm on drugs and can't focus on my work. I'm behind on two projects that I've already billed hours for.. and I hate coming home from work and not doing anything at home either!
I don't hurt enough to warrant going to the ER, and technically this is why I have 4 bottles of vicadin in my medicine drawer.
But even taking narcotics as directed seems like too much to me. I don't want to get used to them. I don't want them to stop being effective.. and I've used them for 4 days now. Thankfully I can stretch it out longer than every 4-6 hours, but that's just because I wait until I can't stop thinking about the pain anymore before taking them, and I don't know if I should be anticipating the pain and keeping it at bay, or if I should continue like I am.
I've even started going to therepy, as if I didn't have enough doctor's appointments..but at least they have an office that is literally across the street from my work. Apparently they want to test me for ADHD.. Who knows, maybe I've been fooling myself thinking I didn't have it.. I mean the symptoms are as vague as those for any female type of cancer.. As if feeling fluish is good enough reason for women to go running to their doctors in fear of the worst..
Then again so much stuff runs in my family I really shouldn't be surprised about my maladies. But none of my mother's and her mother's issues showed up as early as mine have.
What I hate the most is the fact that I'm actually trying to take care of myself!!! I don't overeat, Rob sees that my meals are halfway nutritious.. I go to the gym, albeit not as often as I should, but even once a week is more than the average american anymore... I've even lost weight -- I'm down to 150 and have kept it off for nearly 2 months now. None of that seems to matter -- things keep going wrong anyway.
I really hate feeling like this -- I've got so much good going on around me -- I'm getting married, dammit!! I've got a great loving partner in Rob, I've got a puppy that loves me, a kitty that kindly tolerates me, friends (long distance friends anyway), a decent job, a roof over my head (that doesn't belong to my mother).. But it's really hard to think about that when I'm disappointing my pseudo-boss by making rookie mistakes, disappointing myself at my lack of motivation to do things, disappointing Rob because it makes him sad when I'm not happy..
Rob says thing will get better in April because we both need a vacation.. I just hope the pain subsides by then because New Orleans is all about walking..eating, drinking, and walking. But it's also about comfy beds. And warm cookies via Room Service.. and having a carousel bar in the lobby.. and a spa for that matter. It's like a resort all in one building! But near Bourbon street!
I want to be well for our wedding and vacation (not officially honeymoon because Rob doesn't want to take me out of the country in my current condition).
At least I've got very good health insurance. Since I had that surgery in January to remove the stint they put in during Christmas, I reached my $3,000 out of pocket max again so all my medical stuff including prescriptions, check ups, surgerys, etc. is free. Any ideas of other things I should get fixed? I'd say my knees, but since losing weight and actually working out occasionally my knees feel pretty good. Which of course just jinxed me, I'm sure.. (eyes bosu ball.. maybe some squats are in order.. but half an hour into my vicadin fix and my side still hurts.. But at least I'm starting to get tired..)
There's my update, melancholy as it may be.
Hope everyone's doing well out in LJ land!!
39 days and counting...
I don't hurt enough to warrant going to the ER, and technically this is why I have 4 bottles of vicadin in my medicine drawer.
But even taking narcotics as directed seems like too much to me. I don't want to get used to them. I don't want them to stop being effective.. and I've used them for 4 days now. Thankfully I can stretch it out longer than every 4-6 hours, but that's just because I wait until I can't stop thinking about the pain anymore before taking them, and I don't know if I should be anticipating the pain and keeping it at bay, or if I should continue like I am.
I've even started going to therepy, as if I didn't have enough doctor's appointments..but at least they have an office that is literally across the street from my work. Apparently they want to test me for ADHD.. Who knows, maybe I've been fooling myself thinking I didn't have it.. I mean the symptoms are as vague as those for any female type of cancer.. As if feeling fluish is good enough reason for women to go running to their doctors in fear of the worst..
Then again so much stuff runs in my family I really shouldn't be surprised about my maladies. But none of my mother's and her mother's issues showed up as early as mine have.
What I hate the most is the fact that I'm actually trying to take care of myself!!! I don't overeat, Rob sees that my meals are halfway nutritious.. I go to the gym, albeit not as often as I should, but even once a week is more than the average american anymore... I've even lost weight -- I'm down to 150 and have kept it off for nearly 2 months now. None of that seems to matter -- things keep going wrong anyway.
I really hate feeling like this -- I've got so much good going on around me -- I'm getting married, dammit!! I've got a great loving partner in Rob, I've got a puppy that loves me, a kitty that kindly tolerates me, friends (long distance friends anyway), a decent job, a roof over my head (that doesn't belong to my mother).. But it's really hard to think about that when I'm disappointing my pseudo-boss by making rookie mistakes, disappointing myself at my lack of motivation to do things, disappointing Rob because it makes him sad when I'm not happy..
Rob says thing will get better in April because we both need a vacation.. I just hope the pain subsides by then because New Orleans is all about walking..eating, drinking, and walking. But it's also about comfy beds. And warm cookies via Room Service.. and having a carousel bar in the lobby.. and a spa for that matter. It's like a resort all in one building! But near Bourbon street!
I want to be well for our wedding and vacation (not officially honeymoon because Rob doesn't want to take me out of the country in my current condition).
At least I've got very good health insurance. Since I had that surgery in January to remove the stint they put in during Christmas, I reached my $3,000 out of pocket max again so all my medical stuff including prescriptions, check ups, surgerys, etc. is free. Any ideas of other things I should get fixed? I'd say my knees, but since losing weight and actually working out occasionally my knees feel pretty good. Which of course just jinxed me, I'm sure.. (eyes bosu ball.. maybe some squats are in order.. but half an hour into my vicadin fix and my side still hurts.. But at least I'm starting to get tired..)
There's my update, melancholy as it may be.
Hope everyone's doing well out in LJ land!!
39 days and counting...