at some point i'll get things right
I don't know what's going on with my life. It seems like one minute everything is going right, and the next minute I have lost everything. I haven't talked to michael in two days and it is driving me absolutely insane and Rod all of the sudden is acting like he doesn't even want to be around me, let alone be with me. My mind is questioning all of the things around me once again and I feel like I am back at plan A, where the hell do I go from here? I have this costume that I know if goes out into public will be the end of any chance I have with Michael, but at the same time I am so sick of him doing whatever he wants and then yelling at me at the first sign of trouble. How come I always end up at the wrong end of the blame stick? I don't understand how everything got so messed up. I went from having two to choose from to not really having either one. Why is it when God shafts me, he shafts me hard. I have this awful feeling in my stomach that things are about to get real messed up and in that process I am so going to be fucked. And that sucks. And I hate that awful feeling because I just wish that it would go away. I want to be with someone, I just don't know which one wants to be with me. I just wish Megan knew that I hated her little because she is such a bitch to me. I understand jealousy, but she wants to take my spot as her best friend, and I don't think either one of us is going to let that happen. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I am praying that it starts to make sense really soon, because I don't know how much longer my brain can go without it getting headaches all the time again. I don't understand and I just wish that I could finally make sense of it all. Please, maybe someone has some sort of guidance. I'm not ready to lose Michael, and I'm not ready to lose Rod, but I think that I have lost them both. Because if Michael really cared about me, he would have called using someone else's phone by now. It's like they ran out of minutes and he went off the map. I hate not knowing. I hate wondering if everything is ok. Please, a little help and guidance would be much appriciated!!!!